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  • jeschainks-jrchase

    Technically, “active listening” is repeating what the person has said to you using your own words. IF you practice it (which no one really can do all the time because it is seriously more stupid than the person repeating themselves) it actually works really well. I learned it in customer service positions, and I use it on my husband when I am being well-behaved or when he thinks I am not listening. Or sometimes I do it just so that later I will remember that I heard it… but I probably won’t remember anyway, because it doesn’t work for anything but short-term.

    It’s why the waitress repeats your order, or a phone rep repeats your problem, “I understand that your phone is blinking out when you try to use it, can you tell me when this happens?”

    Doing that says, “I understand you said this… but what else can you tell me.” It is active and engaging. It took me years to understand why that was important anywhere but work. Now I don’t work with the public so I have backslid a bunch, but I do try.

    in reply to: Benefits of compression clothing for ADHD kids? #71699

    UGH… the first and last one are the same study. 🙁 Sorry, but I actually don’t see any others during the past five or so years. I could look again later, but honestly I will probably forget without a reminder. 🙁

    Back to work with me.

    in reply to: Benefits of compression clothing for ADHD kids? #71698

    Research from ONE database:

    Hung-Yu, L., Posen, L., Wen-Dien, C., & Fu-Yuan, H. (2014). Effects of Weighted Vests on Attention, Impulse Control, and On-Task Behavior in Children With Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. American Journal Of Occupational Therapy, 68(2), 149-158. doi:10.5014/ajot.2014.009365
    Concluded “Although wearing a weighted vest is not a cure-all strategy, our findings support the use of the weighted vest to remedy attentional and on-task behavioral problems of children with ADHD.” This study used 110 children with ADHD and measured with the Conners’ Continuous Performance Test-II (CPT-II) task.

    Stephenson, J., & Carter, M. (2009). The Use of Weighted Vests with Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders and Other Disabilities. Journal Of Autism & Developmental Disorders, 39(1), 105-114. doi:10.1007/s10803-008-0605-3
    This study was a literature review that stated that continued research should be conducted but that weighted vests were not recommended as a treatment option. Further it was argued that the wide use of weighted vests were not found to be supported by enough evidence to continue the practice at the risks it could cause to growing bones/spine.

    Buckle, F., Franzsen, D., & Bester, J. (2011). The effect of the wearing of weighted vests on the sensory behaviour of learners diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder within a school context. South African Journal Of Occupational Therapy, 41(3), 36-42.
    Studied 30 students, over time, and found that weighted vests were not effective in task completion but “improved the in-seat behaviour and attention to task of learners diagnosed with ADHD in a classroom context.”

    Lin, H., Lee, P., Chang, W., & Hong, F. (2014). Effects of weighted vests on attention, impulse control, and on-task behavior in children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. The American Journal Of Occupational Therapy: Official Publication Of The American Occupational Therapy Association, 68(2), 149-158. doi:10.5014/ajot.2014.009365
    The abstract: “OBJECTIVE. In this study, we examined the effectiveness of using weighted vests for improving attention, impulse control, and on-task behavior in children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). METHOD. In a randomized, two-period crossover design, 110 children with ADHD were measured using the Conners’ Continuous Performance Test-II (CPT-II) task. RESULTS. In the weighted vest condition, the participants did show significant improvement in all three attentional variables of the CPT-II task, including inattention; speed of processing and responding; consistency of executive management; and three of four on-task behaviors, including off task, out of seat, and fidgets. No significant improvements in impulse control and automatic vocalizations were found. CONCLUSION. Although wearing a weighted vest is not a cure-all strategy, our findings support the use of the weighted vest to remedy attentional and on-task behavioral problems of children with ADHD.”

    Ok, I have to go, but there are probably more. I need to be working on my own research. 🙁

    Hope this provides some insight.

    in reply to: Dealing with other Parents who don't understand #67115

    It can be worse, it really can. Try being a parent with ADHD, and with children with ADHD… then people just honestly believe you are a loser and that is why your children behave that way. “Well, you should be trying harder to stick to routines and schedules”…. I am TRYING… it isn’t just my ADHD screwing up that… three of my FOUR children have ADHD… it’s apparently genetic. Or, I love this one…. maybe if worked less. Ok, if you have ADHD… you know that when there is a problem, you come up with an AWESOME solution, that usually runs you right into the ground and then you screw up everything and then have to start again. Usually, I went through the “solution” of picking up multiple jobs and leaving my non-ADHD husband at the time with three ADHD children. So, while I worked well over 60 hours a week… the house fell completely apart. So, I was a bad mom when I did pay my bills, I was a bad mom when I stayed home and managed my house. I was a bad mom for EVERYTHING I did. I didn’t discipline enough, I didn’t “clean” well enough, or consistently… yet, just so you know, that all these parents who thought I was a bad mom, did, on many different times over the course of the years, send child services to my house. They DID NOT think I was a bad mom, they were pretty impressed… except the one lady…. that is a story that gets my blood boiling.

    You are a GOOD MOM… no matter what any other idiot thinks. Every home is unique, and as long as you truly love your children and are doing the best you can… you ARE a good mom! Or dad…. dads…. this applies to them too.

    in reply to: Household organisation #62107

    When I was younger, I had the same problem. I knew we had to have meats, veggies, and starches…. when my children were very young I kept it very simple. Back then we used to even eat boxed mashed potatoes. As they got older, having enough money for food when all the food is easy, got complicated. At that point I discovered that buying refrigerated foods meant things constantly went bad before they were eaten, because I forgot they were in there and had tunnel vision when I opened the fridge. I went to freezer foods, but by then I was already refusing to eat vegetables that weren’t frozen or fresh, and we had to buy frozen or they went bad if it was a busy week. Then I tried a menu…for months I made everything from books, prepared specific meals. BUT during the week, I would forget what day it was… mostly my knowledge of days was based on if it was school or work that day. So, the only day I always knew was Friday and Monday and whichever day of the week I had off of work (I won’t lie, at least a few times my husband had to say… “You don’t work today” and there were days that I got up on Saturday and tried to send the children to school).

    So, then I started using recipes to use things up in the house. That wasn’t too successful, but improved my knowledge of cooking extremely.

    Then I tried teaching my children to cook…. that was seriously not organized but I did manage to get one interested in cooking, two can make boxed foods, and one pretty much only eats fast food. Mine are all adults now.

    At some point in their teen years the cost of food became far too high for what was available in the budget/assistance/etc.

    Then I learned to make bread, I tried making pasta (I don’t like making pasta), I made quick breads and desserts regularly… but I don’t like making cookies, they are time consuming.

    From there, the shopping part of eating got easier. I would pick meats on sale — in the end I discovered what meats were typically cheaper and where, which meant I didn’t have to remember to check the adds. I also learned to cook everything up and freeze it. Then, I have meals that are easy to remember…. Here is my cheat sheet.

    Every month I buy at least five pounds of chicken breasts (they go for everything), 10 pounds of hamburger, a box of eggs, and one other meat – pork usually, sometimes a roast. IF there is spare money I buy salmon, I love salmon. When I get home I boil the chicken, fry the hamburger, and bake the pork. I divide it all into meals and freeze it. If I buy salmon I don’t cook it or any other fish ahead of time. At the beginning of the month I check for flour, quick oats, baking powder, sugar, and stuff like peanut butter or chocolate chips or nuts in the cupboard. Anything low gets stocked up on. I buy a big bag of cheese (usually mozarella), a big thing of sliced cheese, a bag of rice (if we are out), 10 to 15 lbs of pasta (if we are out), parmesan cheese (if we are out) and two cans of spaghetti sauce (we have a Gordon Foods here, so this stuff is all bulk, and if there are adult children in the house that need food, it is easy for me to have food for them – sometimes some of my children don’t make enough money or have bad times during bad seasons).

    Then I randomly buy different big bags of vegetables for the freezer, the cheapest is always the mixed veggies or peas or carrots. I randomly buy things like tuna, jelly, etc.

    Bread seems like a pain in the neck, but if you have a mixer with a bread hook you don’t have to knead the dough, a bag of yeast lasts some time.

    Then it is easy, there is plenty to choice from, there is a little Save-a-lot near my house. If I want to make pizza, I just grab some pepperoni, or make it with hamburger, or chicken. I can make bread every day, or not. I can grab fruits when out for other reasons, and we can buy quick foods (fast food is rare, but swinging buy and grabbing a bag of frozen french fries and chicken strips is sadly not uncommon). Rice takes like 20 minutes in the microwave, it’s a forget me food (and trust me, I forgot stuff a LOT). Running out of veggies is a quick stop to the nearby store or run in between other errands. Trust me, a stocked cupboard makes life easier. Everything this way is a “casserole” it’s toss whatever you want into a bowl and stir. Especially with the rice. Even pasta though, if you buy other noodles than just spaghetti. Make it and toss in whatever you feel like that day. Or in some cases, whatever is left. 🙂

    IF this stuff isn’t easier, and you can afford the cost, I have a friend who wanted to solve the kids not eating what she cooked, and wanted to stop cooking. She would find can deals and stock up on everything from canned pasta through soups…. she was so frustrated with her children she didn’t cook anymore, at all. Her cupboards are FILLED with canned and boxed foods…. everything, Ramen, mac and cheese, etc. She rarely buys food for meals unless she intends that day as a family get-together.

    Personally, I never found that weekly menus worked, or planning meals weekly/monthly. I found this system worked best for me and still kept costs down. The down side is that we rely heavily on carbs because they are cheap. I do have a garden now, so we do get to substitute during the summer months, but I rarely manage to grow enough to make it through winter with it. Also, a lot of people don’t like to make bread…. I will be starting my sour dough again here soon, which I do buy taking it out every day, dividing it in half, mixing each with new, and putting one half back in the fridge. So, for many days, to keep my sour dough growing, I will make at least something with bread every day.

    in reply to: Autism Spectrum AND ADHD? #60436

    I don’t like being around people at all. We don’t know what runs in our family. As most of my family has been pretty anti-medicine either as a result of religion or other factors. Also, if autism “runs in our family”, only two cases I know of were extreme. We have a very large family (I am the oldest of 7, and most of my aunts and uncles had at least four children each).

    The link that Penny sent for Asperger actually is a better description of me and one of my children, my husband recognized it right away in my son when he read it. It fits me except that I spent all of my young life trying to understand people to avoid the situations I got into because I didn’t understand them. Then I spent 15 years waitressing, and then I spent another ten in customer service. Even though I work from home now, I work in social research most often. Recently, in education including medical education. It’s why I noticed that there were signs of autism that fit my family (myself and my children) when we had all been diagnosed with ADHD/ADD. Probably ten years ago, a friend who knew me fairly well, noticed I was offish about people touching me, (like random hugs, I really don’t like people touching me, never had… but random hugs are my least favorite). Having come from a large family and being completely unlike my sister who is constantly hugging on people, they asked if I had ever been screened for autism. I literally ignored that comment, because straight A students are never tested for anything, they are assumed to have social problems because they are smart. So, obviously I was never tested for autism.

    On the other hand, my son was on an IEP for being social below his class. I actually held him back in kindergarten because he couldn’t handle their age situations. He couldn’t. He is still averaging about 5 years behind on social interests. Interesting thing is, I have always just told people that my family tends to “mature slower” than average people. I have seen that from the stories of my grandfather, most of my siblings, even I didn’t manage to take college seriously until 30, and I graduated at 16. Which is a longer story, but not relevant.

    Over the years, I think we have learned that “quirks” people have are often conditions they are controlling. BUT worse, as we get older, I don’t know that we can help but start to revert back to our younger selves. SO, my concern, is making sure my children understand me before I become out of control… of something other than they are used to. LOL

    in reply to: Autism Spectrum AND ADHD? #60137

    Hi, Shirokuma! I was just like you in regular jobs, sometimes still like that in my current job. It was always hard to replace the amount of work I could on my shifts too. 🙂 Plus, some of the waitress jobs I worked used to keep me over on shifts they expected health department inspections because I wash my hands, A LOT.

    I know my family can survive without me taking care of things, not to the way they would like… but they can. My actual biggest concern is they won’t be able to handle ME. It has taken a very long time for me to manage this much progress. I am … generally challenging, because I am eccentric, stubborn, clumsy, and usually know I am more intelligent than most of the people around me. See, would you want to deal with me? I can assure you, it took many years in customer service and horrible high school punishments to get to the point where I don’t say… I don’t know, rude things. I do, all the time, still. However, really, though my husband and in-laws don’t realize it, this is MILD. I learned a bad habit in elementary and middle school, it was to be “cute” so that people threatened me a lot less… including adults. That is how unsuccessful I am at knowing when to shut my mouth and what is “rude”. My go to… a little kid’s voice and stupid giggle. I even hate it… but no one kicks your butt or yells at you if you seem young and innocent, and “naive”.

    When I get older, am I going to remember how to do all this? I would think most of my family wouldn’t know how to handle me without the filters I have learned to develop. Even still, with filters, they are sometimes shaking their heads like they don’t know why I would say that, or why I don’t understand what they are saying.

    I don’t have negative feelings, I am totally afraid my family will put me in a home and forget me. LOL… which actually would be ok but I don’t want to leave my garden. I am already making my children swear they will never take me away from my garden. All of my children are grown up. 🙂

    Biking is an awesome hobby! Lately I swim, my back has taken a turn for the worse, but I go to the YMCA every single morning, as part of my routine. When I was a kid, we always lived by the ocean, and though we were not in the water ALL the time, when you move away from the water you crave it every day. The YMCA is one of my three little vices/indulgences. Exercise is my favorite thing to do, because I love the feeling that my muscles are sore from too much work. Now, if we can get my back to stop with the nerve pain in my legs, I would be able to bike and do it too. LOL

    Thank you for sharing! I will see if I can create the information you suggested for saving ideas. Mostly, it will be about my puppies and my garden. 🙂 Like how they are NOT allowed to tell me if my puppies die, and that everyone better stay away from my garden unless they have permission to touch it. It’s weird to say, but I think I am more attached to my dogs than I am my family. LOL that is terrible right? I think my dogs (puppies) are my babies.

    I will see if I can find just dementia research and try to match it with what we know about ADHD and Asperger’s

    in reply to: Autism Spectrum AND ADHD? #60136

    That is exactly what I am talking about, Penny. Those things, which yes, Asperger’s fits best. I wasn’t developmentally delayed and was reading by four. I learn things quickly, but I don’t bother with anything I am not interested in. To tell the truth, the reason I work from home is because I couldn’t find a job that was interesting or that I felt like learning. I also didn’t feel like being part of any more “groups”. I don’t understand most of the rules of social engagement and they give me a massive headache trying to figure it out. I LOVE social research, absolutely do not enjoy being social. I don’t mind having friends that I see rarely. I also don’t know why my husband gets annoyed at his friends when they only stop over when they “need” something. When I am bored I find something to do, or plan something I want to do. LOL

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