ILOVEHIM4EVER

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  • in reply to: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice #110080
    ILOVEHIM4EVER
    Participant

    Just make them feel loved, cared, wanted. The more you’re there for them it’ll make them feel more better about them self’s. It’ll allow them too know that you’re there for them when they can’t make it through their life’s… I hope al my dating advance can help you too in life..

    in reply to: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice #110079
    ILOVEHIM4EVER
    Participant

    Watch what you say and how you say it. Avoid critical words and questions that put your partner on the defensive (“Why can’t you ever do what you said you would?” or “How many times do I have to tell you?”).

    Communicate face to face whenever possible

    Listen actively and don’t interrupt.

    Ask questions.

    Request a repeat.

    Manage your emotions.

    Divide tasks and stick to them.

    Schedule weekly sit-downs. Meet once a week to address issues and assess progress you’ve made as a couple.

    Evaluate the division of labor. Make a list of chores and responsibilities and rebalance the workload if either one of you is shouldering the bulk of the load.

    Delegate, outsource, and automate.

    Split up individual tasks, if necessary. If the partner with ADHD has trouble completing tasks, the non-ADHD partner may need to step in as the “closer.” Account for this in your arrangement to avoid resentments.

    Develop a routine. Your partner will benefit from the added structure. Schedule in the things you both need to accomplish and consider set times for meals, exercise, and sleep.

    Set up external reminders. This can be in the form of a dry erase board, sticky notes, or a to-do list on your phone.

    Control clutter. People with ADHD have a hard time getting and staying organized, but clutter adds to the feeling that their lives are out of control. Help your partner set up a system for dealing with clutter and staying organized.

    Ask the ADHD partner to repeat requests. To avoid misunderstandings, have your partner repeat what you have agreed upon.

    in reply to: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice #110078
    ILOVEHIM4EVER
    Participant

    Study up on ADHD.
    Acknowledge the impact your behavior has on your partner.
    Separate who your partner is from their symptoms or behaviors.
    Different. The brain is often racing, and people with ADHD experience the world in a way that others don’t easily understand or relate to.

    Overwhelmed, secretly or overtly, by the constant stress caused by ADHD symptoms. Keeping daily life under control takes much more work than others realize. Even if it’s not always apparent, ADHD can make someone feel like they’re struggling to keep their head above water.

    ubordinate to their spouses. Their partners spend a good deal of time correcting them or running the show. The corrections make them feel incompetent, and often contribute to a parent-child dynamic. Men can describe these interactions as making them feel emasculated.
    Shamed. They often hide a large amount of shame, sometimes compensating with bluster or retreat.
    Unloved and unwanted. Constant reminders from spouses, bosses, and others that they should “change,” reinforce that they are unloved as they are.
    Afraid to fail again. As their relationships worsen, the potential of punishment for failure increases. But their inconsistencies resulting from ADHD mean that this partner will fail at some point. Anticipating failure results in reluctance to try.
    Longing to be accepted. One of the strongest emotional desires of those with ADHD is to be loved as they are, in spite of imperfections.
    How the non-ADHD partner often feels:
    Unwanted or unloved. The lack of attention is interpreted as lack of interest rather than distraction. One of the most common dreams is to be “cherished,” and to receive the attention from one’s spouse that this implies.
    Angry and emotionally blocked. Anger and resentment permeate many interactions with the ADHD spouse. Sometimes this anger is expressed as disconnection. In an effort to control angry interactions, some non-ADHD spouses try to block their feelings by bottling them up inside.
    Incredibly stressed out. Non-ADHD spouses often carry the vast proportion of the family responsibilities and can never let their guard down. Life could fall apart at any time because of the ADHD spouse’s inconsistency.
    Ignored and offended. To a non-ADHD spouse, it doesn’t make sense that the ADHD spouse doesn’t act on the non-ADHD partner’s experience and advice more often when it’s “clear” what needs to be done.
    Exhausted and depleted. The non-ADHD spouse carries too many responsibilities and no amount of effort seems to fix the relationship.
    Frustrated. A non-ADHD spouse might feel as if the same issues keep coming back over and over again (a sort of boomerang effect).

    in reply to: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice #110077
    ILOVEHIM4EVER
    Participant

    Trouble paying attention. If you have ADHD, you may zone out during conversations, which can make your partner feel ignored and devalued. You may also miss important details or mindlessly agree to something you don’t remember later, which can be frustrating to your loved one.

    Forgetfulness. Even when someone with ADHD is paying attention, they may later forget what was promised or discussed. When it’s your spouse’s birthday or the formula you said you’d pick up, your partner may start to feel like you don’t care or that you’re unreliable.

    Poor organizational skills. This can lead to difficulty finishing tasks as well as general household chaos. Partners may feel like they’re always cleaning up after the person with ADHD and shouldering a disproportionate amount of the family duties.

    Impulsivity. If you have ADHD, you may blurt things out without thinking, which can cause hurt feelings. This impulsivity can also lead to irresponsible and even reckless behavior (for example, making a big purchase that isn’t in the budget, leading to fights over finances).

    Emotional outbursts. Many people with ADHD have trouble moderating their emotions. You may lose your temper easily and have trouble discussing issues calmly. Your partner may feel like they have to walk on eggshells to avoid blowups.

    in reply to: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice #110075
    ILOVEHIM4EVER
    Participant

    I’d alway’s Set a Reminder for my Date Plans.

    Focus on Having Fun

    ACCEPT his IMPERFECTIONS

    PRACTICE COMPASSION
    This is indispensable within any relationship. A person with ADHD often feels disappointed, overwhelmed, and frustrated. When a person with ADHD appears to be acting selfishly, it may be that he or she is feeling overwhelmed with their own thoughts. ADHD takes up a lot of mental and emotional bandwidth. It’s exhausting and often the ADHDer is struggling to get through the next task. Slow down, be compassionate, and refrain from judgment. Your ADHD loved one will respond lovingly to your kindness.

    in reply to: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice #110073
    ILOVEHIM4EVER
    Participant

    I know he’s a adult but I treat him with so much love and respect, caring sometimes when he’s mad he’d just come be gofer with me.

    in reply to: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice #110071
    ILOVEHIM4EVER
    Participant

    My husband has ADHD and I’ve learned too understand him by talking to him. Sometime’s when he’s mad he’s just break pencil’s or just color or listen to his music or play his video games or I’d just kiss him and hug him and comfort him and cuddle him on me etc. It’s a hard relationship to get through or to be able to understand I’ve been with him since 2018-2019. Sometimes he’d just come over to me and tell me that he needs me too clam him down like by hugging him, kissing him, just talking to him, cuddling him up We’re still happily together.

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