hopelessme

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Viewing 5 posts - 16 through 20 (of 20 total)
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  • in reply to: Empath wife ADHD husband #136477
    hopelessme
    Participant

    I’m being trying to solve issues between us for almost 10 years, before I even found out about his adhd. Never worked as he thinks I’m crazy and making up problems. Found out about adhd and how it affects marriage a few months ago. Asked him to read on it. Got rage in response. Dropped all attempts. Meds are actually hurtful in his case.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by hopelessme.
    in reply to: Empath wife ADHD husband #136456
    hopelessme
    Participant

    Yes, meds have to be adjusted/changed. But they won’t. Because he does not believe me when I point out the side effects. Basically, he does not believe me at all when I say anything about him unless it’s a clear compliment. He said I’m having “ perception issues” , “ don’t see things clearly “ etc. He claims I’m crazy in other words and therefore my words are not to be trusted. So, any issue I want to discuss with him is not valid and “ only exists in my head”:(
    Adhd gaslighting it is as I recently found out.
    He also said he won’t read about his condition and how it affects marriage/ family at my request.
    So, no way to get though to him. He’s in dead set denial.

    in reply to: Empath wife ADHD husband #136410
    hopelessme
    Participant

    Yes, surprisingly I’m not alone and this forum actually keeps me afloat. Thank you for your support.
    My husband’s adhd IS DIAGNOSED. He is on medication, highest possible dose. He says it helps him at work. He takes a pill, goes to work . In the evening the pill effect wears off and he “ crashes “. He eats dinner an dissapears into his “ man cave “ until bedtime, since he can’t tolerate dealing with his family any more after meds wear off.In reality, I can’t talk to him during the day when meads are effective because they create intense focus on something else he’s doing. In evenings he “ loses it” so I can’t talk either.
    I’m feeling very much “ silenced” by this, I literally lost my voice, people around me now complain they can barely hear me when I’m speaking…

    in reply to: Empath wife ADHD husband #136404
    hopelessme
    Participant

    Just last night I was reading about narcissistic personality disorder vs adhd. Basically, according to my research, both can go same things, but for different reasons and one does it intentionally and the other one – unintentionally. Bad thing is, it impacts their partner in the same painful way , but The advice online is polar: “ run from narcissist “ and “ understand, love your adhd partner”. They say “ adhd’ era can change” , but “ I should not try to change him” , just “accept snd cherish”, even though those dysfunctional behaviors ruin me. So , “ cherish “ or “ run” ?…. honestly I’m very much trying to “ find a way” here.
    Thank you very much for your comment. That was just like a sign from universe that tapped into my thoughts

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by hopelessme.
    in reply to: Empath wife ADHD husband #136099
    hopelessme
    Participant

    I’m sorry but I am in fact an empath. The therapist I worked with for quite a while agrees. “ Nagging “ and “ criticizing “ is what my husband calls my very careful and gently put attempts at communicating unfortunately. I simply described what was happening from his perspective in the post.
    The way you wife talks to you , like “ loser” if worlds far from what was happening here. “ I’m lonely “ he saw as criticism, and “ hopefully we’ll fix the door before winter “ as nagging ( I mentioned the door was broken before. That’s just to give you perspective.
    You simply managed to project your own situation here and even made a judgment . Which hurts but I’ll get over it

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by hopelessme.
Viewing 5 posts - 16 through 20 (of 20 total)