My Forum Comments
When I was her age I hated reading too. I was slow and I bet it wasn’t engaging enough when you’re just rereading the same bit over and over. In elementary school my best friend would read to me. We were required to take out a library book every week, and I took out the same one book for almost two years, until the librarian banned me from taking out that book.
I turned out fine, a good writer and reader. I know reading is important for development so as a mom you may worry. But I don’t think there’s anything my parents could have done.
Ooh one thing I do recommend- always keeping closed captioning on when watching TV.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by hjordisaa.
Ugh that is so so painful! I am so sorry! ADHD is real, but way too many people don’t believe it’s real. A lot of the time education helps – like if you’re someone who doesn’t present as a hyperactive little boy then you might not fit the ideas they have in their head. My favorite thing is to send a youtube video that explains what I want to explain (it’s never worth trying to do myself, it’s draining and hard.)
You are not an awful person, you are not a lazy person trying to scam drugs. That idea kept me from seeking treatment for myself for a long time. The fact that you’ve advocated for yourself the way you have is really hard- convincing yourself to pursue help is something to be really proud of yourself for, by the way. Seriously, I admire you.
As for your friend – do you best to remember that what she said really hurts and it’s okay to take some distance. That pain is so so real. I also encourage you to try and explain how painful this is to her, if you can. Explain how painful it can be to have ADHD, to see what you feel you ‘should’ be doing and for some reason not being able to get from point a to point b. How it makes you hard on yourself, it’s a real, proven problem, and she shouldn’t shame you for trying to address it.
And as for making friends, I seriously recommend finding an ADHD support group. It’s much easier to make friends in those spaces.
Sending love ad hope!
June 26, 2019 at 11:31 am in reply to: Neuropsych testing after years of successful treatment? #121093
I was able to be treated without neuropsych testing, but I wouldn’t be surprised if some organizations required the formal testing. And I completely understand your nervousness!
Don’t be afraid to try and find a different provider, if that’s what you need. ADHD is real, and you know yourself better than anyone. There’s no guilt in trying a few providers. Sending hope your way!
Hey Bellegal, I’m where you’re at too! Vyvanse is the first stimulant I’ve tried. I’ve tried 20 mg and 30 mg. I feel nothing. It’s really disappointing even though I know the first medication is not always the right medication. It has me wondering if a stimulant can really give me the help I need, or if I might just have to get a new job that’s better structured for me. And now I’m looking for more details on what the stimulants are supposed to help with and what they’re not. I feel your pain. No fun.
May 10, 2019 at 10:14 am in reply to: Romantic interests always turn into resentment toward them #116362
Hi! I’m 24 and your experiences feel familiar. All of my relationships up until recently followed that sort of arc. I would get excited about the idea of being with someone- usually they were nice and had some good “on-paper” qualities. But in all cases I kind of fell into the relationships. I didn’t really know what I was doing, and I definitely couldn’t sort out what parts of my crushing were just crushing and what parts were really just about that person.
It took me a while to become disillusioned with these guys. I didn’t really know what it was like to truly romantically love someone. I basically followed a script and enjoyed the perks of being in a relationship. Until I realized I didn’t like the person I was dating. And in the end, that was most of the problem- I was dating guys who were nice, but I either didn’t really know them that well or I didn’t like them but was confused by how nice the situation was.
The other big problem? Most of the time I didn’t really want the commitment of being in a relationship. I was in college- I had lots to do and lots of friends, and commitment in a relationship meant taking time from the rest of my life. I wasn’t ready for that, and I did build resentment towards them for “taking my life away”.
So my point is: you’re not crazy, it might not be fear of intimacy (of course, it could be), you might just not be ready, or you might just not like these guys so much, even though you get excited about the possibilities at first. (Who isn’t a sucker for ~ the possibilities ~ anyway?)
I slept around too! And I loved it! I loved my libido and sense of adventure. Now I’m in a monogamous relationship of two years. It’s been an adjustment for me, and at this point I never feel sexy the way I used to. I miss my old self and the fun I used to have. Has anyone else gone through this?
It’s like it’s super polarized- either sex gets all of my attention or none.
I love this idea! I’m feeling pretty crummy about myself right now. Humor should help.
The story that comes to mind was probably from my freshman year of high school. My friend was hanging out at my house and she discovered the frozen mini chocolate chip muffins in my freezer. She asked to have one, plopped it in the microwave, and set it to high for three mi it’s. I saw this happen, registered that three minutes was way too long and it’d be hot in just thirty seconds. I thought to myself, “It’s fine, I’ll just stop the microwave in like half a minute. My friend had already gotten distracted and had wandered from the kitchen to my room. She would be diagnosed with ADHD in just a year or so. But guess what? I got distracted too and followed her to my room. When we returned to the kitchen a while later it was filled with smoke. It reeked of smoke. The muffin in the microwave was all black, just ash.
So yeah, two ADHD girls tried to reheat a muffin, forget, and set it on fire. Oops!
I bet if you saw an ADHD specialist they would recognize your drugs use as related to the ADHD. Both because of the draw with have for high stimulation, but also to self medicate. They, I think, would get it. Now money is another problem….
I feel you. I hear you. I have sympathy. I have hope for you.
You know she’s smart, and she knows she’s smart. So maybe start there. “I know you’re smart. I know you don’t need a tutor to understand the material. So don’t use this person as a tutor. Just use them to strategize with. By all reports people with ADHD do really well with that, so it’s worth a try. I can see that the frustration of your situation is wearing on you, as is understandable given the situation. But this could actually make a difference for one, so give it a shot.”
Ps I was the same way. In high school it was doodling, in college it was videos or games. I never found a class that fully engaged me. I usually got the concept and immediately got bored because I know they would talk about it for another 5 minutes before moving on.
I feel you.
I’m nine months into a job that I still feel new at because I can’t get going. I’m very smart and very personable, with a chemical engineering degree. I know I’m capable but I’m floundering and I feel very guilty for it. I started pursuing diagnosis about 3 months into the job. And here I am. No progress made.
Everybody says “do something for yourself” but if I’m not thinking about work, I’m fine. I have the ADHD symptoms of course, but my guilt isn’t so present and crippling.
So I did something for myself and got myself hospitalized because I was so hopeless about this I started thinking dangerously. I did great in the hospital, everybody’s favorite patient. I was happy, I laughed a lot, I wasn’t so hard on myself. Then back to work and I’m back at square one.
Sorry to pile on 🙁 It’s just so nice that people like you understand.
I have felt the way you feel. I’m 24 and just got my diagnosis this past January. In high school and college I literally had the same reason for not pursuing a formal diagnosis and treatment- I didn’t want to look like I was just asking for drugs. And the reality is, I wasn’t just looking for drugs. I was looking for help and I had (good) reason to believe drugs would be part of that.
Unfortunately the process has been a bit excruciating so far. I pride myself on my work a lot, but I’m failing to thrive at a new job. I know I’m capable of handling the job really well, but I just can’t seem to make myself “do the things!” That’s what drove me to pursue a diagnosis and treatment.
But like I said, I was diagnosed at the beginning of the year and Im not on stimulants. My psychologist wanted to deal with my depression first. But even with years of CBT under my belt and the help of an SSRI, I’m still having the same struggle. I’m just as depressed, but I’ve spent $3,000 out of pocket for psychiatrist appointments and 2 hospitalizations (for suicidal thoughts). And a lot of time off work.
Get help, but brace yourself for the fact that help may come very slowly, and you almost definitely wont walk out of your first appointment feeling like you’ve found a solution.
And if you fear judgement, really try and find an ADHDspecialist because they will not judge you.
Mrbreezet1 Lexapro and Wellbutrin are a nice combination and very common. My response to Wellbutrin has been the best out of everything I’ve tried. Good at getting me off the couch. The Lexapro is good for anxiety. I’m on 300mg Wellbutrin XL and 15 mg Lexapro, plus I’m trying vyvanse.
Best of luck!
Well I definitely have depression too. And when I stop smoking sometimes ALL my thoughts go negative. And that is usually worse at night. If I smoke I start to talk, observe, and have more neutral/curious thoughts instead of negative ones.
And yes, I don’t smoke until I’m done with work. If I’m at the office I’ll have plenty of energy and feel good. When I’m working from home things are very variable.
I’m not sure about needing it to enjoy things, that doesn’t really strike a chord with me. Well, I suppose I have recognized that I’ll struggle to enjoy relaxation- I won’t enjoy TV shows, I won’t be present when spending time with my boyfriend. Stuff like that. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Hey foncused, I did well in school too! But when I think of why I did well, the ADHD starts to make sense. My grades should’ve been lower because I never did my homework. But I either whipped it out as it was being collected, or my teachers bumped my grade because they liked me and knew I knew the material. I got away with it undiagnosed because I was charming, very smart, and because the environment around me had very high standards for success. It’s like they dragged me upwards.
If you’re curious but not very interested in an ADHD diagnosis, consider neuropsych testing on executive functioning.
Travel with my boyfriend always helps me keep my libido up. Plus taking videos with him And talking about threesomes. Without those three things… it’d be hard.