My Forum Comments
February 25, 2019 at 7:59 am in reply to: ADHD and Higher Education: The Struggles of Living with ADHD #109873
It’s common to have family members that also have ADHD and research indicate that you may even have relationships or gravitate towards people with ADHD. After my diagnosis, my father and my wife both got tested and were diagnosed, so it’s more than likely your mom has ADHD.
I’m glad that you are contacting the disability office! I think it will help you out. I’ve been in contact with the disability office during my graduate work, and they are supportive and go out of their way to help me out. The process is straightforward, and all I needed was an official diagnosis from a doctor.
A lot of the negative media about stimulants are because people without ADHD keep using them thinking it will make them smarter. A study recently conducted proved the opposite, a non-ADHD person does worse with stimulants. Stimulants only help people with ADHD, and there is absolutely no evidence anywhere that it is addictive! It’s not uncommon for people with undiagnosed ADHD to seek or abuse stimulants such as alcohol and caffeine; they both acts as a source of self-medication.
I found these resources below to be helpful, so I’ll post them here. CHADD.org is a great place to find a local provider that specializes in adult ADHD. The Hallowell blog and videos are fantastic. He’s a psychiatrist that treat ADHD that also have ADHD!
Hope you are doing well and making progress. Reach out if you need help.February 21, 2019 at 4:23 pm in reply to: ADHD and Higher Education: The Struggles of Living with ADHD #109818
Wagner2020, you are too kind! Glad to hear of your recent diagnosis and you are feeling better. It will take a few months for you to find a routine and correct medications that work. As you have mentioned, someone who specializes in Adult ADHD will have additional guidelines that make the process a little easier. Your observation of ADHD is so accurate; most of my life I have felt like I was walking through three feet of water, and that’s such a heavy burden to carry.
Your comments reminded me of something funny that happened a few years ago when I wasn’t aware of my ADHD. I went to buy groceries; my wife tells me it was for milk and eggs, and I came home with a kitten, and no milk and eggs. So we’ve all been there!
Mch08101, thanks for your advice and I’m hoping that I can shine at the interviews. Although my graduate GPA won’t count as a metric, hopefully, it’ll indicate my undergrad GPA was an anomaly and not the norm. By the way, don’t ever doubt your self; your observations and advice are evidentiary of your intelligence and empathy towards others.
I’m glad that you have support from your father, it’s great to have someone in your corner. I bet your college has additional support in the form of clubs or mentors that can be of extra help for you. If you have not graduated already and have a formal ADHD diagnosis, then you have a lot of option in regards to your GPA. I have found that many colleges have something called amnesty/forgiveness programs and other option such as repeat/delete to wipe out those bad grades due to medical conditions. Please contact your disability center and your advisor. Don’t wait till it’s too late!
I encourage you to go to a specialist in Adult ADHD in your area. Most providers will work with you on payment. My psychiatrist pretty much wrote the book on ADHD, so he’s expensive at 400$ an hour, but after the initial two-hour consultation, we have managed through email and phone calls. He accepts installment or ongoing partial payments.
I have found out that mothers and Adult ADHD is a volatile mixture. My initial talks with her didn’t go that well either. She said the same thing as your mother “you were never hyperactive as a child.” May I suggest that you try to reengage her. It took some time, but she came around eventually and became a source of support. The realization I made about her initial response was that she felt as if she had failed me. My mother thought she didn’t see the problem and she didn’t take care of me as a child. I told her that you did the best you could and let us move on and see what we can do now than worry about the past.
We had to talk out a lot of things, but ADHD diagnosis sometimes isn’t all about the patient, it affects everyone around them as well.
I am no expert, but both my wife and I have ADHD and currently on Medication. So I will just speak about my experiences. Our sex life goes through similar ups and downs, so you are not alone. We are both in our late 30’s and have a full schedule as well. For us, the issue was there before getting on ADHD meds, so I’m inclined to think these are more personal tendencies than being related to medication. When we do have sex, it is good, but we do go through long periods without it and initiation becomes difficult after that. We are genuinely in love and desire each other, but physical intimacy is something we work hard to maintain.
Looking at your situation, I’m inclined to think there are several combinations of issues at work. I cannot advise you directly, but I urge you to consider the following possibilities. Is his ADHD properly managed, do the two of you have differences in libido, does one or both of you have an underlying sexual dysfunction, does one or both of you have an unrealistic expectation about sex?
None of these are negative, there is a solution to all of them. One approach is counseling, either couples therapy or sex-specific counselor. We have tried several methods. One of them, as you mentioned was scheduling sex, it works moderately but the making sex a chore may not be the best thing. We encourage each other to masturbate, either solo or together; the latter usually leads to sex. We also watch erotic or adult movies to get in the mood, and we both seem to love this method.
Through this process, we discovered that my wife was bisexual and she opened up to me about her prior experiences. She assumed that I would be enraged, but I actually felt sad that I didn’t see this earlier and I wanted to be supportive. After a lot of communication and experimentation, we became polyamorous. We date and have other interactions with women regularly, ranging from plutonic to intimate. Infact until recently,, we had a live-in girlfriend. This has given us multiple avenues to fulfillment and resulted in us being closer and an increase in sexual satisfaction. This isn’t without its own set of issues and never assume adding people to your union is going to fix things. Also, this is not an advocation for cheating or swinging; this method worked for us.
I hope this helps you and you find some solutions that work for you.February 19, 2019 at 1:15 pm in reply to: ADHD and Higher Education: The Struggles of Living with ADHD #109622
I’m happy that I was able to shed some light on RSD issue for someone else!
RSD isn’t as well known but it is equally damaging to a person. I’ve had similar issues as you have mentioned; lack of assertiveness, worrying over what others thought, and people pleasing occupied a large portion of my psyche. It wasn’t very healthy, and I’m dealing with those issues much differently now.
By the way, are you currently in treatment or are you still considering medication/therapy options?
You are not alone, my wife was treated for depression and generalized anxiety for years until it was discovered that she had ADHD. The issue is the system and its male centric diagnosis, and outwardly women tend to compensate much better than men. Nonetheless, things are changing but I feel your anger and disappointment. Her doctor recommended co-therapy of Adderall XR twice a day and Clonidine at night. That regiment has worked well for anxiety and ADHD conditions; perhaps you can talk about it with your provider.February 18, 2019 at 5:05 pm in reply to: ADHD and Higher Education: The Struggles of Living with ADHD #109533
Thanks for your post and sharing your story! You hit the nail in the head when it comes to people with higher cognitive ability and compensating for ADHD conditions. A lot of the times, we get left behind.
The issue I found with getting diagnosed was that if a Psychiatrist is not explicitly trained in ADHD, then treatment may not be optimal. Many people who are diagnosed are suboptimally treated. Therefore, finding the right doctor is essential.
In that regard, Dr. Dodson was fantastic, if you are in search of help the Dodson Center for ADHD is a tremendous place to start. They even do Skype consolations if you do not live nearby. My initial evaluation was over 2 hours, and it was extensive. Then I was trailed on two types of drugs (Adderall and the Ritalin families) with dose incrementing by 5mg each day till I found my optimal dosage that balanced my cognitive skill improvements with any adverse side effects. I was also evaluated for Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), a common psychological condition that accompanies ADHD. After all the dose titrations, I’m currently on 15mg of Focalin XR twice a day and 4mg of Clonidine at night (for RSD). As I have mentioned earlier, the treatment has remarkably altered my life for the better.