My Forum Comments
I literally felt sick reading your post.
It’s everything ADHD is and there is no change or cure for this type of behaviour.
Quite simply we live together and build separate lives or leave.
It’s just draining.
Hi, I know you are right.
It makes a lot of sense.
I just feel so alone.
Nothing I do makes a difference, I can’t influence, persuade or encourage him in any way.
For example- he had this huge dog when our son was born. He never once cleared the dog mess. It would build up for weeks and stink, I’d beg him to clean up and he got so angry and withdrew from me. I felt like a nagging old hag so I stopped and ignored it. Life was easier but the situation worsened. We got infested with rats.
They came into the house, I’d sit by my sons cot in the nights scared to leave incase they came into his room. I could hear them in the roof space.
His dog died a year later and the rats left after that.
There are many stories like this.
We don’t have any friends anymore and we live in the same house but don’t interact.
Life is quiet and easy if I can hold myself together but the days I need a friend or companionship- they are the toughest.
What yoU suggested about building a good life for myself is what i do. I take my son out to dinner, we go to the park and try to walk a mile every day. We go shopping. We go on road trips and days out. I spend every last penny doing things with him.
I can live like this, I’m sure many people do. From the outside you’d never know. Other than you never get invited over.
My Son says to me, how come Dad doesn’t speak to us Mum? Then he says are you going to shout at him to talk again tonight?
I’m looking like the bad guy because I’m verbal and frustrated and loud.
He wouldn’t notice if I had an affair, probably be his way out.
I wonder sometimes, why doesn’t he leave? I know he hates me. Our son is his ball and chain and so is this house.
Thank guys, I’ve just tried again to talk to him calmly.
He just stares past me and zones out.
I say, -please talk to me. Tell me what will make you happy.
He just stares. Then the tiniest distant noise will make him flinch and snap out of it and he will walk off without even noticing me.
I don’t think he hears my voice, he’s mastered blocking me out.
His mess in the house, the garden and the van is enough without the rest of this.
I think I’m going to have an affair.
See if the grass is greener.
May 5, 2019 at 5:50 am in reply to: How long is waiting time for ADHD referral in the UK #115938
I went back and forth to my GP for a year and got a prescription for propanol for anxiety which I still use. This is all I have to help me to date.
I presented my diary and my self diagnosis to my GP and he agreed it sounded probable. He discouraged me from a formal ADHD diagnosis as there was no medication to cure it and no benefit to a label. I persisted and he made the referral.
6 weeks later I was sat in front of a woman assessing me. She told me ADHD was a condition for teenagers where they can’t keep still- so why did I think I had it?.
I told her she was wrong and I resented every second I sat with her. I answered her set questions about my daily life and relationships. She concentrated on me not speaking to certain family members and asked for reasons. The important stuff, like me not being able to do a weekly supermarket run and put dinner on the table for my family- she laughed at and said it happens to her sometimes too and I should try writing a list. She was 40 mins late without explanation and that wound me up. She said they didn’t have an expert in the area and to leave it with her.
That was 6 months ago, I left the mental health clinic and I’ve heard nothing since.
So, If you are on a waiting list and being taken seriously I wouldn’t worry how long it is!
I love feeding my family too.
We have a weekly delivery of Gousto and it really works for me.
I bought my Son a curious chef kit for Christmas and every night we all cook and eat together. It took about 6 weeks to get into a habit but now we are stable.
Not every meal works out well so I have a stash of tinned soup in the pantry.
I’ve got it all covered 🙂
January 3, 2019 at 3:09 am in reply to: Getting a prescription for the meds I know I need – UK / NHS #106115
Tell the truth.
If it works it’s the shortest route to getting the prescription.
I’ve spent the morning re-reading these replies because it’s happened again.
On Friday I had a conversation with my employee about his decision to let a team of 6 do nothing for 2 days. After the conversation he sent me a text to resign.
This was a total surprise to me. I didn’t shout, swear, get angry or derogatory. I was professional or so I thought. When I spoke to him he said “never in my life have I been spoken to like that and I will not put up with it” he continued “you spoke to me like I was 3 years old”. I apologised for offending him and he isn’t leaving, for now. He also told everyone in work what he though of the way I spoke to him which wasn’t great. Luckily the conversation was in front of others so it’s divided the team about 50/50. Drama.
Anyway, my point is. Who gives a damn?! It’s the weekend and I’m with my wonderful son playing diggers at the pirate ship park. So why, why the hell (and it is hell) is this scenario playing round and round in my head like it’s on repeat? Consuming ever space in my head, my mind. I feel physically sick, I’m anxious and I have a black cloud pressing down over me.
I’m trying to fight this, it’s a useless response. Total waste of my weekend and an attack on myself I could do without. But it doesn’t stop, I’m angry at myself for doing this again.
I purposefully ‘closed’ this on Friday because I knew what I would do. It’s over, resolved, I apologised and actually so did he. Finished. So what the hell is wrong with me? You’d swear I just buried my Grand Mother, the way I’ve hit rock bottom overnight.
It’s really strange because I can distract myself from it, I can do it. I just throw myself into something and it’s gone. Then maybe 30 mins later it creeps back upon me like a thick black blanket of dread and guilt. The nights are the worse, I wake up at 4am and it just spins through my head on repeat.
I think I’m half way there by recognising what this is and almost treating it as a threat to my well being I need to eradicate.
I just don’t know how.
Yes- in my follicular phase.
Low oestrogen turns me into a zombie!
I’ve been in court a lot too.
Even if I write the dates down I get it wrong!
To be honest the little one is the reason we are still together so I think I need to make the most of him and enjoy it! I couldn’t bear to be without him every other weekend or however it would end up.
Thank you for your kind words, you seem grounded and sincere. X
Every longish relationship I’ve ever had I kill the sex.
Totally lose interest, in fact hate it.
My single days I looked the part and acted the part!
I’m hoping I can find new ground in this relationship because I don’t want my family to break up. Maybe an affair would help it?! Haha,- that was a joke because it brings heartache but it needs the equivalent.
What’s the secret?
The rejection thing!
I’ve spent time in a mental state of panic and unrest trying to lure and win over a conquest.
Only to wander again after 6 months.
There was a long period where I didn’t have a relationship last over 4 weeks.
I thought there was something wrong with me.
Haha, there was!
I watched my friends settle down and wanted to, but it didn’t happen for ages. Not until I broke the cycle.
Tom, this is my thread and i’d Like Anne to stay.
I know it hurts but she talks sense if maybe a little direct. You are probably aware adhders don’t beat around the bush and that’s ok here.
It would be good to know what are you doing about this situation?
Vitamins? Zero alcohol? Excercise?
Have you contacted this girl and told her you’d like her back?
Point is- You need to take action.
If you had a broken leg you would take time off work and be in bed. Right now your heart is broken.
So often with the health of our mind we try to function as usual and maintain life but if you think about it in the context above that’s impossible!
There’s only one thing that will heal a broken heart and that’s time.
If I was you I’d grab the cat, put movies on, lie on the sofa and cry for a week. Just accept that this is going to hurt because you are broken. Give yourself sympathy, hot bubble baths, time off and love.
Maybe in time she won’t matter as much. If she actually broke your leg you’d probably not want her back. She broke your heart and that’s ok?!
An ADHD person?
Because I had a partner who was a sociopath, wow, you have never seen anything like it. Absolutely no social conscience at all.
The way to tell is if they lie knowing they’ll be found out. Look up sociopath and you’ll see common traits.
If they match, then end the relationship! I mean it!
If it’s adhd lies then just have a chat and ask not to be lied to, think before they speak or even walk away as the lie starts. Give them a way out.
They should be mortified you’ve raised it and want to make things right. ADHD peeps hate lying usually. Just read the comments here!