My Forum Comments
Sounds like her dose is too high. If it were right, she could sleep without difficulty and the crash shouldn’t be epic. Overmedicating does leave to a behavioral improvement over properly medicating just like a normal person could abuse a stimulant to clean the house really thoroughly. That doesn’t mean it’s a good long term strategy. The right dose gives her the chance to choose to control herself. It doesn’t give her a MOTIVATION to do any task set before her. Overmedication does.
After a short adjustment, the right meds at the right level should make him feel better. He should also believe that you’re on his side wanting to make him happier, not wanting to drug him into not being a problem.
Give him a smartphone with the app Alarmed. Set the alarms to auto reset. Put a chime 3 minutes before the end of each class for him to note down his homework and put any worksheets in the To Do sections. Set another for 2 minutes into the beginning of class telling him to turn in his work. If he can’t turn it in yet he needs to get it out and put it on his desk.
This phone can be set so he can’t download any apps from the store. It is an assistive device.
It’s likely that he’s really and truly forgetting. :). This will help.
Please tell me he’s on meds! A low dose makes school so much less maddening. I’m an ADHD adult. I suffered greatly in school every single day–even though I didn’t get in trouble and I made great grades. If only I had been diagnosed then, I could have been spared years of torture.
If medicating him so he can function in an institutional environment is something you’re not willing to do, it’s your responsibility to make alternative arrangements for his education.
September 14, 2017 at 4:02 am in reply to: Excessive suspicion of Ritalin abuse- Is this normal??? #61030
I do have a question, though. I’m the type who comes into an orthopedist’s office for a look at a messed up joint I just injured (I’ve got the grace of a drunk giraffe), and the doctor writes me a prescription for Percocet without me even mentioning painkillers. I’ve never had anyone suspect that I’d ever misuse any drug. I apparently look extremely trustworthy.
What is your hair like? How do you dress? Tattoos visible? Piercings? Do you use alcohol or tobacco? (I don’t use either at all–I’m actually just as dull and reliable as doctors believe me to be.)
Any appearance of sketchiness is going to raise red flags, no matter how wrong they are. Doctors are taught to profile patients for all kinds of health risks, and there are associations that they make, however unfair.
I don’t know if this is comforting or not…but a lot of times boys from ages 9 to 11 are just awful. It’s like their moral compass goes completely on vacation for a while. I’ve worked with lots of kids of lots of ages, and the 9-11 window with boys often leads me to wonder if humankind is doomed! (Overwrought and back-stabbing 13-y-obgirls have their own horrors!)
They really often do grow out of this before 14 in most cases. But there’s another saying that often must be applied on the journey: Those who take by the yard and give by the inch will be helped by the (figurative) foot. 😉
Switch vendor if you can. 🙂
When you can, schedule a day for bill paying once a month.
I caught my oldest looking at porn only slightly older. He had sneaked the laptop in the middle of the night.
We had a long discussion about normal and abnormal, healthy and diseased genitalia because if he’s old enough to look at porn (thanks, neighbor’s kid, for telling him about how to find it!) he’s plenty old enough to see orifaces oozing with STDs next to his mother.
We also talked about the exploitative nature of pornography and the real, ugly reasons women and girls that choose to partake in it, the cycle of sexual abuse and exploitation that is so common in the backgrounds of people who enter the sex trade, and the continuing damage that it does to these women, often repeated over generations. By viewing pornography, you take part in this abuse, in whatever small way. Without customers, the industry and all it’s ugliness wouldn’t exist. We also talked about how this dirties relationships with your wife, when the time comes.
We have home-written spy software on all our computers that can’t be circumvented without leaving obvious signs. That was the last time he did that, at least at our house.
Before the internet, all the boys leered over National Geographic, if they couldn’t get their hands on anything more graphic than that. It’s just so available now.
Anyway, I’m more concerned that you think it’s appropriate for an eleven year old to have a girlfriend! I’d have put the kibosh on that instantly. He may not be able to get up to much right now, but there were two girls pregnant in my FIFTH GRADE class. You’re sending the message that boyfriend/girlfriend is normal and healthy for a child of eleven. It’s not. It’s a pseudomature behavior that indicates a very poor future outlook.
The endgame of having a girlfriend is either to have someone for romantic sex or someone for marriage, depending on your worldview. That’s it, once everything else is stripped away. Neither is something an eleven year old should be spending significant brain cells on yet.
If you feel that your child is morally immature, which he clearly is or he wouldn’t go after a girlfriend at 11, it’s even more important that it’s made clear that they’re not in any position to be ready for this kind of relationship.
I’m equally concerned that your child had the capability of calling anyone at 3am. He has his own phone? And it’s not on lockdown when not required for safety?
The fact that your child is already disobedient and rebellious is also of serious concern. There’s a phrase that I use: I can’t make you do it, but I can make you wish you had. Find out what makes him wish that he had. Everything beyond sufficient food, basic clothes, a bed, and a toilet can absolutely be lost, and only a decent participant in the family structure gets to enjoy other parts of family or communal life. He should have daily chores (15-20 minutes is appropriate for the age) as well as school performance expectations and basic respect to get more than that.
All in all, it seems like you treat your son as if he’s much older than he actually is when he’s really quite immature for his age. He needs far less freedom even when he is being good because he doesn’t need to be given so much rope that he’s doomed to hang himself! There are many 11 year olds that would abuse unrestricted phone access, for instance. Probably more that would than wouldn’t. They’d mostly be smarter about it than your kid was, is all, because they have the maturity for sneakiness. I’m confident that mine wouldn’t, but I’m equally confident that they would be watching movies at 3am, given the chance, at least sometimes!!!! Don’t give you kid more freedom than he can handle. You’re not helping him when you do.
September 14, 2017 at 2:33 am in reply to: Advocacy Is a Must..But Do You Ever Just Get Tired of It? #61018
John Rosemond is entirely wrong about ADHD, but his strategies work well even for kids with ADHD.
ADHD is diagnosed based on a failure of executive function. We can’t diagnose it based on the organic condition of the brain, only the symptoms. There ARE kids who become magically “nonADHD” with the right environment and training–in presentation. And yes, these kids didn’t actually have ADHD in the first place. Rosemond has mostly worked with terrifically terrible parents. A lot of kids with terrible parenting will look ADHD at face value. But I learned a long time ago in my work with children that some magically transform with a decent environment (which most teachers are incapable of giving–let’s be honest) and some don’t because they can’t, and you can even watch some struggle and fail.
My kids don’t have behavioral issues anywhere. I can’t make them do anything, but I can sure make them wish they had. No casual adult thinks they are ADHD, even off meds, because they have learned a great deal of self-control.
BUT they need heavy coaching to develop things like time management skills and attention management strategies. If they were in an institutional school, the teacher would have to redirect them back on task at least twice an hour, and I would have to have the teacher manage homework until age 10 or so. It’s just beyond their capacities before then. Without drugs, homework would take absurd amounts of time. And left to their own devices, they complete NOTHING in group situations without meds as grade school kids. Every other kid comes home with some elaborate project–mine walks out with a box of pieces, saying they didn’t have any time!
Figure out what’s within your child’s capabilities and ONLY as for accommodations for things truly well beyond his grasp. The goal isn’t to ensure nominal success but to give a child both a chance to succeed and a chance to fail, if he isn’t working hard enough. If the adults see the child working, they’ll usually come on board pretty fast.
My college kid has accommodations for severe disgraphia but none for his ADHD. The school doesn’t even know about it.
September 14, 2017 at 2:09 am in reply to: Excessive suspicion of Ritalin abuse- Is this normal??? #61016
Autism and ADHD run in my family. I don’t have autism at all, but I also think the kind of DRAMA that gets so many people worked up is stupid. I have 2 aunts who won’t speak, and I consider the whole thing idiotic to the extreme and childish.
I know how to nod and smile and pat backs when people are being big babies, and when appropriate, I do it.
Just because you don’t care about drama doesn’t mean you don’t care about people. There’s a difference between not understanding other people’s emotions on even an intellectual level and thinking that they get way too upset about stupid things. One is autistic. The other is me. 🙂
I have learned to tolerate hugs but I don’t like strangers hugging me still, and even with friends, I privately wish handshakes were still fine. (At least we’re not expected to kiss people in greeting anymore!!!)
I dislike being around many people, but this is FAR more true off medication. I can concentrate soooo much better on drugs that I’m not losing my mind anymore with too much people exposure.
It could be ASD. It could also just be the manifestations of ADHD in you and your child. Maybe he can’t understand others. Maybe he is so distracted by Russian spy satellites or his shirt or the air or nothing at all that these things don’t penetrate far enough to make an impression.
Getting the ADHD under control will help you see what’s left, basically.
To be honest, my unscientific approach is generally listening to speech patterns. There are distinctly ASD methods of delivery and conversational flow that are so tightly bound up in most ASD cases.
Chances are, he will never forgive her.
I made honor role every semester. My last B was in 5th grade. I was a National Merit Scholar. I entered college with 57 credits from AP tests. My GRE was almost perfect back when that meant something. I made the Dean’s List more often than I didn’t, while running a company from my dorm room. I had a double major with a minor and almost enough for two more minors.
I was diagnosed in my 30s. I didn’t know before why stupid things were so phenomenally hard for me. Why I could do amazing things but I almost killed myself to just switch focus from one task to another. Why it was so hard to pick up something I set down. Why it would take a farcical number of times of me coming into a room to remember what I wanted to do there. Why I couldn’t handle driving in heavy traffic with people talking at the same time without being exhausted when I arrived from the sheer intellectual effort of it.
The difference a low dose of drugs has made on my life is tremendous. It’s night and day.
For all my success, if my mother had known I as ADHD and had deliberately withheld drugs, I likely would have cut contact with her for years. It would have been very, very hard for me to ever have a good relationship with her again because her selfishness in wanting a certain kind of child would have made huge parts of my life hell for no reason. And I’m incredibly successful by most measures.
Your grandson isn’t successful. He’s struggling. And his mother doing exactly the same as if she were withholding hearing aids from a child who is deaf without them because she doesn’t want the hearing aids “to do the work for him”–but really, she doesn’t want the shame of a kid who NEEDS hearing aids.
It’s the rest of your grandchild’s life at stake here, NOT her ego.
I don’t care what you think about me. I’m a stranger on the internet. I just think it’s only fair to let you know that ALL decisions have consequences. You grandson’s choice of college has already been dramatically limited by the poor choices your daughter has made. Now you have the potential to sabotage the beginning of his adulthood to an even greater extent than she already has.
The article is overall good, but there is an important mistake. The article first incorrectly attributes a vaccine-type response to the active ingredient. This might be how modern practitioners sell homeopathy, but a vaccine-level dose would be many, many thousands of times higher than a typical homeopathic dose.
In fact, at the most commonly used dilution levels, NOT EVEN ONE MOLECULE of the active ingredient is likely to remain.
Homeopathy relies on the belief that after dilution, water’s MEMORY retains the “vital energy” of the substance that was once in it (but no longer is). This “memory of water”–which only exists to the homeopathic practitioner–is what one must believe creates the “like cures like” effect.
You don’t have to remember to set timers usually because you should have a weekly schedule. Reoccurring timers are simple. If you have a new schedule every week, then set your timers when you look over it. 😉
For important things, I use my iPhone alarm. It’s loud. You have to press a button to stop it. Less important things, the Alarmed app with auto reset. That gives me nudges without me having to stop an alarm.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by gentlygenli.
“Chelates micronutrients” would not be homeopathy. Just as an FYI. Homeopathy doesn’t mean any supplement. To be homeopathic, the substance must be 1) highly diluted (millions of times) and 2) based on the premise that the active ingredients has to cause the same symptoms as the disease at a higher concentration. A homeopathic remedy for vomiting would be something that causes vomiting that is diluted to the point that one or fewer molecules of the substance exist per dose.
If the OP wants to ask about supplements, that’s a different thing, assuming that you would sensibly demand that your supplement have some of the actual substance itself that is on the bottle.
Supplements could be helpful. They can also be dangerous. The lack of regulation doesn’t make them safer.
As far as supplements (not homeopathic remedies) go, I believe there is good theoretical support for dopamine precursors as beneficial to anyone on stimulants, and most people could do with more D3 and fish oil.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by gentlygenli.