Frique67

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  • in reply to: Do I Really Have ADD? #111672
    Frique67
    Participant

    Thanks for your input and thoughts, Jade.

    I’m seeing my doc today to talk about meds. Unfortunately, some of the finer points of my diagnosis are going to have to be deprioritized as I found out from my boss yesterday that performance issues have put my job in danger. I had to admit to him that I am having serious problems managing conflicting priorities and rapidly-changing job demands. I had to explicitly admit to my boss that I become unbearably confused and freeze up when presented with conflicting priorities. Who wouldn’t want such a person on their team in this competitive job market?

    I’ve got about four days to radically alter the way that I process information and change. Hooray.

    Thanks so much to Fluttermind and jadetheeternallyconfused for letting me bounce ideas off them and for letting me know that I’m not alone. This is such an emotionally crushing time for me right now.

    in reply to: Do I Really Have ADD? #110879
    Frique67
    Participant

    Sorry; I just keep going back and forth on this. I’ve been reading a bunch of articles and watching a bunch of videos on ADD and while I think I definitely exhibit some signs and symptoms, I definitely DON’T have many of them.

    For example: I never miss an appointment. In fact, I am almost always early to my appointments. That’s one of the ways that I manage my anxiety.

    I usually finish assignments before my classmates/coworkers.

    I have no problem whatsoever waiting in lines or in waiting rooms. As I mentioned, I show up early almost everywhere. I just bring a book and I sit and read for anywhere from 15 minutes to 45 minutes as I wait. In fact, I enjoy waiting because it means that I can turn down my anxiety and fears that I am supposed to be somewhere else.

    I have no trouble reading long articles.

    I have no trouble following instructions on things such as assembling Ikea furniture or installing software.

    I can easily run to the store for a couple of things and end up remembering those things. If I need more than a couple of things, I’ll usually make a list and I will return from the store with the things I needed.

    I have no trouble listening to others during normal conversations and waiting my turn to talk.

    And lastly:
    A few years ago, when these symptoms first became problematic for me, my first fear was that I was having some sort of brain issue, early-onset alzheimers, etc. So I went and underwent a day-long battery of neurological testing which included all types of testing. I had no problem spending my whole day answering hours-long batteries of questions or waiting for the doctor between tests. And at the end of all the testing, the doctor reported no memory issues whatsoever, placing me squarely within the normal category of memory functioning as well as at the upper level of intelligence. The only thing the doc noted was elevated levels of anxiety and low self-esteem.

    The operating theory at the time seemed to be that the memory issues may have been resulting from my brain having trouble processing new data due to anxiety. BUT it’s also true that I have trouble doing things such as processing verbal lists and verbal sets of instructions even when I am not under any overt anxiety.

    I’m just torn: it would be nice to be able to tie up my processing problems neatly with the nice neat bow of adult ADD, but I’m not fully convinced yet.

    in reply to: Do I Really Have ADD? #110854
    Frique67
    Participant

    Here is one of the main things that makes me think that it may be true that I have some kind of ADD-like thing going on:
    I cannot take driving directions from anyone. I cannot. The first couple of instructions make sense, but then the words just start to pile up in my head like a train wreck. I get confused and then I start to get frustrated and ultimately angry. I know that I’ve been this way for at least the last twenty or so years. But I never thought of it as anything special. Does that sound anything like what folks here with ADD experience?

    I experience something similar at work and have learned to compensate by bringing paper and pen with me literally everywhere and writing everything down.

    My question in this post is: is it possible to have ADD whose symptoms are just kind of mild or maybe masked by other traits or even compensatory mechanisms which get in the way of diagnosis?

    in reply to: Life changing diagnosis #110853
    Frique67
    Participant

    I’m brand new here and don’t have any meaningful advice for you, but I wanted to let you know that I read your post all the way to the end, and that I hope that you are able to get the care that you need. Hang in there and advocate for yourself.

    Take care of yourself.

    in reply to: Do I Really Have ADD? #110852
    Frique67
    Participant

    Fluttermind,

    Thanks so much for your response. Your question is a great one that I had honestly never considered before: I excelled as a student, but was I a good student? I mainly just remember that getting straight A’s was pretty easy for me. I always did my homework and turned it in on time, but studying wasn’t really necessary. I don’t think I ever really learned good study habits; I just relied on what came naturally. And I think I can say the same thing about every entry-level job I’ve ever had.

    It’s just kind of crazy – I can’t wrap my head around possibly being diagnosed with ADD when I’m over 50 years old. If true, it just kind of casts everything in a new light. For example, I’m known for being super quick-witted. But instead of a blessing or a talent, that now feels like a symptom or a pathology.

    Here’s a question: if I have ADD, how have I slipped under the radar and not been diagnosed for over 50 years?

    I keep alternating between it making perfect sense and the fear that I’m seeking justification for the poor choices I’ve made in my life.

    Also, I’m stunned that you included that comment about it not being a moral failing; because it feels as though you read my mind. I do feel like a failure. I’m a good husband to my wife and a good dad to my kids, but I otherwise feel like a failure for my lack of ambition and focus.

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