My Forum Comments
You don’t give enough information for me to understand the full situation.
What is her relation to you?
What is her relation to ADHD?
Are there comorbid conditions ie autism, bipolar, depression, etc?
Is she on any meds?
I can understand your frustration and if she is unwilling to change or explain, then you might need to move on.
I spent my life before diagnosis doing this.
Did I say the wrong thing? Or the wrong way?
I should have said “blah-blah” instead maybe?
Why didn’t I say the other thing that came to mind?
We spend a lot of our lives second-guessing ourselves if we have ADD. I eventually figured out that most often, nobody else even thought about what was said. Every human is different and in groups don’t tend to judge us or will try to understand what we mean. “Family” can be pickier, probably just because that’s the way family is.
I have developed a habit of acknowledging these troubling thoughts and letting them go. I failed at being perfect long ago and people still like me.
I’ve been that guy. I can’t justify his actions or attitude, but maybe I can explain a few things. It took me over 6 decades to discover and get diagnosed w/ ADHD. For me, that meant 3 marriages, 3 bankruptcies, numerous jobs, and relationships. And, the feeling that I was just crazy for not being able to relate to others view of the world.
1. A diagnosis is not a cure,
2. Pills are not skills. If he were diagnosed with diabetes and just started taking insulin without finding ways to change his lifestyle and cope with his disease, he might stabilize but never get better.
3. With knowledge comes responsibility. Being told you have ADHD requires a personal knowledge of what that means to you and how it affects you. And then it is necessary to find new coping skills to function in a way that others don’t feel “run over” or ignored by you. Hyperfocus is only a part of ADHD, there are other symptoms, maybe less apparent, that help reinforce it.
4. Counselors/coaches/therapists can help a lot, but we have spent years developing coping skills that don’t change overnight. This is partly due to the fact that we don’t want to give up the “dopamine highs” that we have come to expect in certain situations.
I was diagnosed only a few months ago and haven’t come to terms with all of the aspects of how I am affected. Some things are trial and error and some things work quickly. Life is a continuing process.
If he is motivated to work on the problems and understands the consequences of not working on them, and you can help him, then things might go well. And, it can be an adventure for both of you.
Don’t let yourself become a martyr. You have a life too. With patience and courage, things become possible.
Best of luck to you.
I’m recently diagnosed also, as a 69yo male. So, I don’t have all the answers.
Here’s what I’ve found so far:
Exercise (which you are doing) helps a lot.
Time management techniques
I spend some time browsing this and some other ADD and ADHD sites just to get the overall “feel” for what’s going on with me. A lot of the information is aimed at children and parents, but even those can help.
Hope this helps.
By the way, your written English is very good.
ADHD is not a death sentence. And knowing why your life has been difficult in the past can be cause for optimism. As others have said if you have become more depressed since beginning medication then get to the doctor immediately.
I am 69 and was diagnosed two months ago. Knowing why I have bounced around all my life (in relationships, jobs, and finances) has been a revelation. The anxiety and depression that I’ve battled for the last 12 years have lifted a bit and the meds I’m on now seem to help calm my mental hyper-stimulation.
I’m working on new coping skills and systems because, as you know, the old ones are lacking at best. I exercise regularly, journal daily, and maintain an attitude of gratitude. I still need to organize and schedule my environment, but I’m getting more done.
I have survived a number of terrible things in my life and know things will get better.
Hope this helps.
I faked it for decades before I hit the wall of anxiety and depression.
Having come from a family with a variety of psychological problems (many probably related to ADHD), I felt like I was the “lucky” one.
After more than 10 years of dealing with those symptoms, my therapist suggested ADHD and I got the diagnosis last month. It’s been a godsend.
To echo the others here, see a professional as soon as possible.
You seem to feel the stigma that society puts on differences and that is natural. A therapist can help resolve that. Meds help and skills for dealing are available. You can get back into life.
As an old guy who has been recently diagnosed, I can tell you that we develop coping strategies over our lives. Despite the massive amount of thoughts and ideas swirling through our heads, we adopt systems to hold things together. We work better in fast-paced environments, as that helps keep our dopamine levels high.
You may feel that you have things everywhere, but know what you need and where it is and appear to be organized.
Wow! You put a lot in there, but I can relate. I am 69 and was diagnosed last month.
ADHD has a genetic component, so it is good that you know your father has it,
I have invented and reinvented myself many times: many jobs, relationships, and financial disasters.
Just knowing that we aren’t crazy, just wired differently helps.
Definitely, get diagnosed. If you are dealing with ADHD, work with getting the meds you need (they will slow down your mind) and get the skills for handling your life (ADHD brains deal differently than others). This site has a lot of good information and there are others. None of us is exactly the same, so find what is real to you.
Take what you wrote here to your counselor so that they can help.
Hope this helps and good luck.