My Forum Comments
I wish I had an answer for you. I just had to say I used to wish for someone to come up with a show like The Supernanny that was specific to kids/families with ADHD. I used to joke with our own therapist to stay with us for a week and that I would pay her any amount I was just so desperate (but I really wasn’t joking) !
I did bring a video of one particular incident that happened with my son to her and that was helpful. Sometimes it’s so hard to explain and remember correctly all that happens. That’s the best suggestion I can give you. I really hope you find someone.
He can sit in your lap while they work. If they have laughing gas I would pay the extra for it. If he has a bad experience with the filling you might have a hard time getting him to go back again after that.
I’m in upstate NY but what made me respond is I do have mild sleep apnea but my dr thinks might also have narcolepsy.
Feel free to private message me if you want to talk further. My email is in my profile
We are not in the exact same boat – no military experience here. But I can certainly appreciate your concerns.
My son, almost 19, has been crushed by his experiences at school and college. There are some on here who said the military was exactly what they needed and were glad they did it. I guess I would say that if it’s something he’s actually interested in then meeting with recruiters to collect information couldn’t hurt.
I would also consider meeting with his school counselor and a college advisor. We met with a college advisor once – it did cost some money but they are full of information.
I think a meeting with an ADHD coach or a counselor to get more clarity on why he changed his mind about college – is it anxiety and if so what about etc? The more awareness he has about how his brain works the easier it will be for him to match his strengths to the right situation for him – whether that be the military, college, on line college, take a gap year and work or do internships??
Keep us posted on how things go.
My ferritin level was low and after my iron infusions my RLS was better.
I have never heard of this but I wonder if you could offer to the company try it out (for free) in exchange for writing a review of it on Additude?? Just a thought …
I forgot to say I have dealt with a couple of colleagues who were bullies in the past. What works for me:
Take the person aside – no audience / have some notes on hand in case you lose your train of thought (if you are like me and your brain shuts down when you get nervous) and use lots of “I feel” statements –
Barbara I feel like you may be having some concerns with my work lately ? Im feeling a little attacked at times like this morning when … and last week when ..:.and give her those specific examples.
Did I do something to upset you ? (I don’t know for sure why but that question has worked every time for me). One time it was because it made the person realize they were the one who had the problem and they were just taking it out on me —-ie stressful home life, worsening personal medical problems therefore not feeling well at work. I didn’t actually do anything wrong – but rather they were taking their frustrations out on me. When their concern was valid – such as a productivity issue at one point, I made sure to agree with them saying I was also frustrated with that aspect of my job and had been trying different things to help.
I then explained how my adhd affects this part of my job (I know this is not a popular choice among others on here) but I feel so strongly about advocating for people with invisible disabilities -I’m a full time advocate for my 3 kids at school- that it works for me anyway.
I am the person in your office who talks openly about ADHD and mental illness. I am especially open with my patients. I’m not embarrassed to say I have adhd and mental illness (depression/anxiety) or that i take medications. It’s a brain based disorder – why should we treat it any different than a disease of my heart or my liver? I think I have even helped some of my patients to pursue their own diagnosis. Sorry I really went off on a tangent there !
I always finish my explanation with ..this is not an excuse but rather an explanation. (I mean if I had an outward physical disability everyone would be able to see that. So why can’t I talk about how adhd affects me at work- I don’t say this part out loud).
I am a Nurse Practitioner so for me it’s the whole stigma issue with invisible disabilities -especially mental illness- that I’m passionate about. I want to normalize talking about it and asking for help from bosses/colleagues/support staff. I learn differently than others/ my processing speed is not quite as fast as yours and my poor working memory means I have to take more notes than others when seeing a patient. So these things may mean I see one less patient a day than you do. If I had one leg and this meant I walked slower than others then that could be a factor in how many patients I’m able to see especially if I have to trek all over the hospital to see them …right ? I don’t say that last part to them of course.
The most important part: Barbara if you have ANY ideas on short cuts or work arounds that you can think of that might help me pick up speed (so you don’t feel like I’m “getting away with being lazy”) please don’t hesitate to tell me.
Enter office politics / lots of years of therapy : “because Barbara I respect how well you do your job and I’m sure I could learn a lot from you”.
Leave it at that and after a week or 2 if she’s still being rude /interrupting etc – take her aside again and say “I wanted to say thank you for the ideas you gave me. Can you let me know if you have seen any differences yet in my work? Because I would love to get your feedback.
Then – “one last thing – I’ve noticed when you interrupt me in front of a patient it makes me lose my train of thought and that just prolongs the visit”. OR “when you start directing me to do something that you can see I’m already working on – I know you mean well ( and if you’re like my husband probably frustrated with how long it takes me to do ..blah blah blah )
But when you try to help me (take over the situation) i start getting anxious and then I end up forgetting to send the pt to the lab for their testing or I forget to ….
I also think it may be affecting my authority with the lab techs and the secretaries. Some are giving me a lot of push back when I ask them to do something.
How about we meet again in a couple weeks ? This has been so helpful- thank you Barbara for your patience and understanding”.
I know these exchanges aren’t perfect but hopefully you get the idea.
One colleague i did this with it shut her right up- she never liked me and talked about me behind my back all the time – including the fact
That she thinks ADHD is fake and an excuse etc ….BUT she didn’t pull the other crap on
me in front of others ever again. And I don’t care if she likes me or not – I don’t need to be friends with people I work with. I am confident in my skills as an NP and as a caring and empathic human being, mother, wife and friend -to my real friends 🙂
I hope there will be something here that can help you out. Keep us posted
How would like to envision this situation working out?
I love that question. That is such an important step to figuring out how to get to the root of what’s really bothering you. It reminded me a little of the acronym THINK – before you speak think about :
T -is it truthful
H- is it helpful
I- is it inspiring
N-is it necessary
K-is it kind
I use this with my kids a lot .
I think that’s a very good question. I would definitely ask how the drivers are vetted and monitored. I think I would feel better if they had cameras on the vans but we have never had to use services like this so I’m not really sure how best to advise you.
Maybe asking if you can go with him the first few times on the van – you can just say he is anxious and you want him to be successful so you figured you could help ease the transition by going the first few times? That way the drivers and staff at the program know your face and that you are “keeping an eye” on everything / everyone. (That’s why I was always either on PTO or volunteered at school).
Or see if you could talk to some of the other parents / families /staff at the day program about their experiences with the drivers?
Like I said we haven’t been in this same situation but these are some things I thought of. I wish you all the best.
I don’t know if you have already been diagnosed with adhd but your story certainly sounds like adhd to me.
I’m a 48 yo woman who wasn’t diagnosed until my late 30’s. You sound like me as a teenager. I had no self esteem and ended up depressed and at one point contemplated suicide.
The day I received my adhd diagnosis and took my first dose of Adderall I remember thinking “oh my god …this is what it feels like to be normal ??!!??!!” I spent so many years angry that I lost all of those years to adhd.
I don’t mean to be so blunt – it comes with age-but if I were you I would do a trial of stimulant medication for sure. It changed my life.
So are they calling you to just inform you of what’s going on at school or to ask you to “fix” the situation?
My son is almost 18 so lots of years of dealing with school here. One thing I found that often helped in these situations was to say “ok thanks for letting me know- so what are you planning on doing about it ?” I often felt school was too quick to call me for a solution. Those calls that forced me (I felt forced anyway) to have to be the case manager resulted in me having PTSD and my sons ADHD morphing into Severe anxiety, depression, school refusal and now him dropping out of school this year – 12th Grade. So
He doesn’t get to graduate with his friends and who feels like the failure – him and me. Even though I feel the school should be partly to blame as well.
I’m hoping my story will help someone like you to advocate better than I did. If he doesn’t have an IEP or 504 then you should request a full psychoeducational evaluation. There are form letters on this website you can use as a guide.
You should also request a meeting in the meantime with all involved parties to figure out exactly why he is having these behaviors. I just came from a workshop with Dr Ross Greene – if you are not familiar with him please google him. His website Lives in the Balance is very helpful in these exact situations. He believes kids do well if they can and if they are not doing well then we need to figure out why. That means you have to involve the student in the solution. If you just have adults trying to impose unilateral solutions they will rarely work, everyone will be more frustrated and precious time will be lost.
And please make sure you are taking care of yourself through all of this. I didn’t for awhile and that was hard because I couldn’t be as available to my kids since I was trying to play catch up and take care of the part of me I had ignored for a long time.
Yes I signed up for his webinar as soon as it was announced !
So I’m having my son fill out this on line IEP tool (my local parent support grp told me about it) the other day and one of the questions was “what do you consider are your strengths ?”. His answer – lying – I’m good at lying mom. He has a sly sort of little smile as he says it the second time and I was so stunned I couldn’t respond. Now we know he has told many lies over the years – Did u take your medicine? – yes mom – look at the pill box and nope -meds still there. And big ones – did you get dads Apple password and order all those games? No way mom – of course we find out he did.
So the first example is likely he didn’t want to hear me complain about having to always remind him.
The second example was to avoid getting in trouble. But the why did he spend all of that money with the Apple account ? My husband accidentally left the password on the screen or something like that and then next day it was still there and my son wanted these games and knew we would say no and his friends were already playing them and he wanted to play with them – so impulsivity was part of that as well as not wanting to do the work (he knows he can do extra chores to make money) to earn it and ? maybe time blindness- he would have to wait weeks until he could earn enough money to buy them. And that probably seemed like a year to him.
So I’m not sure if I’m trying to justify or simply to understand how their brains work. I guess my thought is – wouldnt the intervention be different based on if it’s due to avoiding hard work versus being impulsive versus avoiding being grounded (feeling uncomfortable) etc etc?
By the way I will let you know the website for the IEP tool.
I’m wondering if this is another variation of ADHDers who never finish projects for example ? Difficulty tying up loose ends? I would hire an ADHD coach to help hold you responsible and it might help uncover why you do it. My house is full of unfinished projects. I wish you the best !
October 2, 2018 at 1:06 am in reply to: How to motivate college-age child with ADD & depression #100624
How do you “ make them “ do anything ? Ex – go to class – any advice ?
We tried rewards , taking away privileges- any other ideas ? Thanks
September 28, 2018 at 9:06 am in reply to: Living with ADHD & Depression-will I ever feel happy? #100301
I have days I can’t get out of bed and just feel numb. It’s awful. I’m on antidepressant and stimulant for the adhd . The stimulant is by far the most noticeably effective part of my medication regime. There are days I miss it and im just kind of blah and unmotivated. When I take it I feel happier probably because I’m motivated to make my To Do lists and start some laundry – feel like I’m accomplishing something which makes me feel better.
Also make sure all possible medical and physical diagnoses are ruled out. Thyroid, anemia, low Vit D levels – these are just a few reasons you can feel like this.