My Forum Comments
I have ADHD and definitely know what you are talking about. I’m 36 and feel I have really tried to understand these outbursts and emotion that goes along with them.
1. Hyperfocusing- I get very very cranky when I hyperfocus for more than 30 minutes. It doesn’t matter what task I’m doing. It’s worse when I’m on the computer. It’s much worse when I’m frustrated about the task at hand. I can’t even think straight. If I’m tired as well, forget about it.
2. Patronizing parents- the worst is when parents don’t understand and pretend like they do, or when they try to fix the problem but don’t understand the problem – more importantly, they dont understand what the problem is from MY point of view. We think much differently. Don’t even try to ask us.
3. There is no logic or helping in circumstances like these. We want to vent, not to be touched, and to somehow calm down. When we vent, don’t try to fix anything. All you can do is agree. That’s it. We don’t want hugs. We feel like punching people. Learning now to calm down out of the moment so we have something familiar to go to in the moment would be useful.
4. I have had many periods of self-loathing. It’s worse when you’re smart. You try SO hard to do something you know shouldn’t be hard and you fail. Not just once, every time. Failing socially is really difficult. Everyone else just “gets” how to act or behave or have friends. We don’t. And when we mess up in life, it’s usually because we’ve hurt someone close or said something inappropriate. We do this over and over and over. I lose things every day, even when I have systems. I get SO angry with myself. All we want to hear is that it sucks that whatever is happening is happening. “That’s must be really frustrating” is a good comment to make. We cannot be fixed in the moment. Don’t bother trying. Talking to your son later to ask him what kind of things you could set up for him to make specific outbursts not happen is critical.
These behaviors will be with him for life. All you can do as a parent is give him firm boundaries, talk through his frustrations WELL AFTER the outburst, and lovingly teach him how to navigate his world so he knows he isn’t worthless- because he will feel that strongly. Get him to focus on things he’s really good at. Music saved my life!
I hope this helps!
I have been on adderall for a year now. For the first 3 months or so I took 2 pills a day, morning and afternoon. But that mid- day crash is the worst!! It’s liked you just ate 5 doughnuts and a slirpy. My psych. put me on the extended release (xr) and they worked amazingly. 5 mg is a very small amount. People develop a tolerance to it so you could probably up it and do the XR. Just ask your psych.
Some of the best advice I ever received in University, is when you have to perform or bee in front of people you get anxious. It shows itself in different ways. The day before a performance we were encouraged to watch the saddest movie we could find (by ourselves) and ball our eyes out. It really works!!! Sometimes or bodies just need that kind of release. Sounds like you have years of blockage 😉
Go to your Dr. and get blood tests done. This is a simple way to rule out obvious causes of fatigue. Especially check to see if you are deficient in vit. B12 and vit. D. Both are extremely important for mental wellness. I just happen to have mine done and I’m deficient in vit D- even though i have young children, live in Cali, and am outside all the time, 1/2 without sunsceen. Hope that helps. Get it checked out!
I’m by no means an expert but that doesn’t sound like ADHD. Sounds more like bipolar. I also had a boyfriend who was a lot like that. Their manic episodes seem really random and sometimes like ADHD but switching to lows really fast, yelling, etc seems a little odd. You can’t force him to get help. He has to decide and unfortunately with mental illness, their brain – aka the decision maker- is what is sick. Best to leave until he helps himself. Otherwise you are looking at a long life of verbal/ emotional abuse and tying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.
- This reply was modified 5 years ago by Miss.Entropy.
I am 36 and diagnosed later in life. Two things have really helped me. First, from my experience, people with ADD tend to have the tendency to hoard. They live in clutter and are a bit messy. Read, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing
It helps you to get control of your house and the things you own as well as teaches you to buy things that only bring you joy as opposed to a “high” or compulsively buying stuff you don’t need. It’s seriously really helpful.
Secondly, read or listen to (I listened to the CD because it’s easier to fit in)
The Total Money Makeover: Classic Edition: A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness https://www.amazon.com/dp/1595555277/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_m6jvzb9MRCMMW
This really helps you understand how to get on track with your finances in a very straight forward way. It’s hard work, but extremely effective. There is a “Christian” spin to it, but if you don’t share those beliefs it has nothing to do with the actual financial planning so just ignore it.
When my house is in order and my money is in order I am so much more at peace with the gongshow that my life is most of the time! I can then concentrate on the little things that are equally important but get pushed aside.
Chaos follows us around. Better to face it head on and deal with it then live a lie and pretend it doesn’t exist while blaming others and/or circumstances for the problems we create. We just need a system! It takes hard work and a lot of failure, but I can say that two steps forward and one step back means you are still moving forward- just slower than most people. But we are used to that, or should be by now. Cut yourself some slack and move forward. The worst thing you can do is whine about your problems and not do anything about them, only looking for people to wallow in your pitty. Read these books! They changed my life. I hope others try them out as well.
- This reply was modified 5 years ago by Penny Williams.