My Forum Comments
I agree with the participant who said you son is being triggered by the environment. Medications help but are not magic wands.
In preschool my son refused to do a lot of activities in the class. I took him out. Then kindergarten came and he would do well with the main teacher but not the aids nor her reading teacher. Sometimes people need to know how to interact to create cooperation…maybe this school is not for him.
Small class, interactive activities with teacher who engage and are calm but firm worked for us.
Best wishes.October 29, 2018 at 10:53 am in reply to: I’ve lost hope, will and desire to go on and keep trying #102563
Sorry to hear all you have had to go through, it is mnot easy to have add or adhd and for those of us parents who do not experience the same things, it is not easy to understand, communicate and relate to our children.
My daughter exhibited some of that spontaneous but dangerous behavior(one time she stuck a charm in an outlet and gave herself an electrick shock at school) and she felt alone for most of her early years. Then when she became a teen she became suicodal. So…drugs, addiction, hopelessness, aiming for perfection, feeling like a failure…she felt like that. With this I mean, many people share this pain, this feeling of inadequacy you talk about.
My daughter found ways to cope(outdoor activities, singing, drawing, listening to music, learning a new language) and therapy (to express and relate) and an antipsychotic med. All of this with a lot of parental support…helped.
So, meds alone are not enough. You have to find what makes you happy(NOT drugs) and build a safe and supportive environment where you are not hurting others, and coping mechanisms(healthy) and maybe some medication with least side effects.
You have lots of work ahead. But all is possible🙏
I feel your pain. My son is only 6 and sounds very similar to your son. I was a hyper kid but I could focus and sit still. My child can sit- but his mind is somewhere else.
We are here to support each other. One day at a time. Get him to do one thing. Something is better than nothing. I have learned that having a good relationship gets mw somewhere with my older child (who is very strong headed and procrastinates)
One task at a time.
Each day is a new day.
The ADD wants us to give up.
To get tired and let go of our children.
Be there. Very patiently.
It is a challenge.
For all of us(some of us tolerate less than others)
I’ve enjoyed reading your posts. It is nice to hear different experiences.
My now 13 yo daughter is about to start high school. Se struggles fitting in and relating with kids in her grade. I don’t know if holding her back would’ve been helpful…too late now. She doesn’t want to redo a year.
My 6 yo son is not thrilled about school. I pulled him out of school and will homeschool this year. We shall see how much he matures…
Good luck and best wishes.
My daughter refused to do school work and I took her out of middle school and began homeschooling her. She missed the social interactions and now she wants to go back. There might still be a struggle but at least i have some leverage.
Now, with kids who have add adhd ocd odd etc we parents have to be involved if we want them to succeed. This means checking homework, explaining lessons they didn’t understand or getting extra tutoring.
With my 6 year old, we worked on school material everyday after school because during school hours he would waste his time and not finish worksheets, etc. I sat and read the stuff with him and quizzed him. That’s how he passed the year.
He is young, but kids who have this type of situations need help regardless of the age.
Someone has to help him if you want him to graduate.
One day at a time. One step at a time.
It is easy to fall into the enabling trap. Don’t judge yourself harshly. Many times enablers feel guilty, and that’s why they don’t act tougher.
It is also easy to judge people who enable. Come on guys, we all deal with challenges and many times we make decisions that are not that good.
I read the articles suggested. My 13 year old daughter seems to be heading that way. I don’t even pretend to have a right answer, but I do think giving choices helps. She can do homework or read a book. She can go out for a walk or go swimming at our gym.
It is a daily battle. She fights hard not to comply. She throws tantrums at times. Her emotions are extreme. I work on remaining calm and explain her choices. Not angry. Not dismissive. I show empathy (because it does hurt me to see her like this) shecan come up with her own choice, though many times she says she has no clue what the solution to whatever situation she has might be.
Patience. Persistence. Calmness. Clear and specific choices choices.
I never had a pet growing up, so when i had kids, it was not natural to have a pet either. But after my oldest girl was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I began my research on having pets. All the things I read pointed towards a beneficial outcome.
Well, my kids love our pet. But…they barely interact with her. They pet her once in a while. They pay attention to her once in a while. Guess whonis having to play, clean, take to the vet, love this pet?me. Diva and I have a strong bond. She plays with me. She comforts me. She sleeps on me. Literally. She “kisses” me. She makes me smile when my kids are driving me crazy. She loves me no matter what.
I was surprised too.
My kids’ situation is not better. And they show no empathy or real connection…but Diva and I are tight and she is worth the extra work.
Girlie, I have a 13 yo daughter, very similar situation. I am homeschooling her now. Mostly because the self loathing was so bad, so intense, it git got to the point of planning her suicide. Each child is unique, but my suggestion is, find an environment where he can be himself. Where he can feel accepted and loved. For many years I sided with teachers and principals
..and that only hurt my child. She needs help. Use compassionate eyes
Forget about him fitting in. Focus on helping him deal with his own challenges- and this means trying to perceive life from his point of view.
Each day is a new day.
And…you are not alone.