My Forum Comments
Maybe you should get checked for ADHD yourself because you mentioned being overwhelmed and thats the exact same scenario I experienced with an ADD girl I was messing around with.
Overload is a very common symptom of ADHD. Not only that but your manner of writing is very ADHD as well.
At the time I was only concerned about getting her in bed and had no idea what ADHD is. 2 years later got diagnosed myself.
We tend do be attracted to other ADHD people. Get yourself checked.
As to wether or not you should be together, I wish you do reunite and create a happy relationship.
Just eat lard. Its chock full of Omega 3 and is delicious. I can eat that stuff by the jar.
May 24, 2020 at 2:52 pm in reply to: How to overcome own challenges before disciplining child #172607
- This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by chino.
If youre neurotypical how did your kid end up with ADHD? Is your spouse or anyone in your or his close family diagnosed? Maybe hes not even ADHD. I’d get tested once more.
Don’t ever force him to do whats “proper”. Let him do things his way. Encourage him to be creative about everything and show excitement and amusement in his eccentric ways. He will learn better on his own than through micromanagement. Unless his life is in danger keep out of his business.
Otherwise he will hate you for life and you will be remembered as a bitter nag who has nothing better to do than correct everyone and destroy all joy.May 24, 2020 at 2:31 pm in reply to: I need help – my husband cheated during the pandemic and left my children and I #172605
How exactly do you know he’s cheating? Have you actually caught him in the act or have any evidence for it or are you just suspicious? We do stuff like that when we are frustrated and overloaded. Maybe marriage is not for him.
Disclaimer: I am writing this assuming you are willing to stick together despite the cheating, and that you’re willing to swallow your pride and keep the marriage together no matter what.
If you want to help him you must put aside judgement and patiently and gently ask him whats up. You must let him calm down. Before you can start working out problems you have to help him settle the emotional turmoil that’s within him. You can’t even imagine what it’s like.
Be gentle. I understand you are devastated and this will be hard to do, but try to be the girl he fell in love with. Be his sweetheart not his spouse for a while.
Remain composed and listen. Don’t nag, pass judgement, be passive aggressive, put him down. Do not under any circumstance compare him to anyone and ask him to “just be normal”. Don’t approach him with the “we need to talk” face. Lure him in with a homemade pie, a bottle of wine, maybe even sex. We are self indulgent and it works.
Once you’ve gotten him comfortable, ask him if everything is alright. Try to suggest something he might enjoy. Ask him if theres anything hed rather do. It is very likely that he is sick of his desk job. We aren’t fit for that. If he can’t change the job maybe he can do something in his free time that will bring him joy.
If he comes back to you and the kids you obviously matter to him. Never demand his undivided attention. He’s a person, not your dog. Let him spend his evenings in the garage fiddling with a car, or carving sculptures out of wood if it would make him happy. Encourage him to do what he loves. This will mean a lot to him.
Also, once you see that tension is building up, that he’s frequently cursing complaining whining, etc. its a crisis building up. Ask him if he’s alright. Don’t tell him that he “needs therapy” because “youre embarrassed by his behavior” or that “its not socially acceptable”. Gently suggest that he could get help if hes feeling bad. Make it about him, not anyone or anything else.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by chino.
1. He first needs to figure out whether or not he even has ADHD.
2. I honestly don’t understand what’s your problem with him going for a joyride. Sleep issues are common for us I’d rather go for a walk than lay in bed being miserable. Do you want him to ask you for permission every time he goes outside?
Got diagnosed at 21. When I was 18 I horsed around with a girl who was aloof (ADD non hyperactive) and told me she couldn’t function without adderall.
After years of being left behind despite my incredible creativity, wit, technical skills, social skills, ambition and drive, being embarrassed, ashamed and stuck in my tracks, experiencing academic failure I was advised to get tested.
Experience helps a bit. You have to understand that you are very different from others and you will have to learn to live your way, find alternative ways around problems. Here’s some advice:
– Request an ADHD test. Your physician should be able to redirect you to a relevant professional.
– Drugs can be a hit or miss. I was prescribed Ritalin IR and am not very pleased with it. I will go to the doctor soon to review other options. Also they are not magic pills. They create problems such as thirst, frequent urination and nausea. They will not magically propel you to success. They are supposed to be an adaptation device. You are fundamentally the same.
– Learn and don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. I could have saved me a lot of trouble if I learned how to do that early on. Stay in touch with those around you. If you go to college call your classmates and ask for step by step instructions and updates to make sure you don’t miss anything.
– Make lists of what you have to do. Sure I may not get all of it done when I had intended but at least it helps me keep track of the things due.
– Get rid of social media. Delete the apps form your phone. Get an adblocker and block youtube suggestions, leaving only the search bar.
– Cut out the sugar. No soda or candy. Drink your coffee without sugar.
– Cooking yourself as an ADHD person is hard. If you eat out, try to go for relatively healthy food. Go to your local deli and get a reasonable sandwich with salad on the side instead of fast food.
Substances and self indulgence
Many ADHD adults self medicate with alcohol, tobacco/nicotine products and caffeine.
– Don’t buy or keep cigarettes on you. You will become a smoker. If you bum a smoke, do it at an interval of multiple days.
– Drink with a couple days in between and don’t binge. A drink or two will do.
– Learn to be frugal. Life is hard for you anyway. Go to 7 eleven for coffee rather than starbucks. Both are garbage, but 7 eleven is cheaper. Stop to think for a second before you buy something.
I was put on ritalin instant release a while ago. First ADHD diagnosis and treatment.
Productivity is sort of improved while on it, but the comedown is terrible and I am left irritable and burned out afterwards.
I also experience excessive urination, thirst and nausea.
I normally eat healthy and avoid gaining weight. But despite the idea that stimulants suppress appetite, I actually eat junk that I wouldn’t normally eat while on ritalin. That’s because the pills make me nauseous and eating normal food is hard, so I resort to snickers bars and putting sugar in my coffee(which I rarely do otherwise).
I rarely sleep well anyway, so the sleep aspect is negligible.
Overall not very pleased. I consider consulting a doctor for other options.