My Forum Comments
Great job for getting your toddler’s symptoms checked out while he is young! We didn’t recognize the problem in ours until he was too old for us to intervene (which is 16 in Canada). That is when I also recognized my own Inattentive ADD.
You can do it, and you can find great support too! Keep believing!
I was in my 40’s when I realized I had inattentive ADD. It was such a relief. I hated myself every time the chaos got out of hand. Of course, when the adrenaline kicks in from being angry at yourself, you get a bit of focused cleanup time…albeit looking like you just took a handful of uppers.
Learning coping habits that are healthy is the key, like setting timers so you don’t forget what you put in the oven or even to accomplish tasks in a bite sized manner. Check out the Pomodoro technique for helping get things done.
There are also many online ADHD tests that you can confirm your suspicions with and not have to believe what your ignorant Doctor is saying. Find a younger Doc who understands that ADHD is not simply a childhood problem. It is usually most obvious in childhood in males. Females often get missed. I was a shy kid so I didn’t get noticed much. I had/have a hard time completing tasks and organization is a huge issue. We downsized and it helps a bit. I have to say the child rearing years were hectic. If you are able to get help once a week with laundry or cleaning, it does help motivate to get things out of the way. It made a huge difference to me.
Also look up all you can about Inattentive ADD. It is hard to get motivated. I found WEllbutrin helpful. I have been in school for the last year and getting A’s, getting assignments done early and being really satisfied with my work. I made it through high school but only had A or B in a class if I loved it. Other classes I would get by, not do readings, and usually hand in assignments late…if ever. I was motivated enough to pass.
You do have to advocate for yourself. Yes, there are some true hypochondriacs out there, but recognizing long held symptoms is not the same thing. If you think you have EVERY thing you read…that’s a different story, but you probably also have ADD. Lol.
I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. It sounds like you are describing me many years back as well. Motivation for many of us is a big problem, and like you said it feels like trying harder has the reverse affect…because it does! I tried many meds and supplements over the years and finally have found quite a bit of difference in Wellbutrin. I cant say it is perfect, but what a huge difference to have the adrenaline I need to get going. Only then did years of learning techniques pay off for me. I still lose time if I am not careful, but my brain needs some off time too! I could still use a bit of Ritalin or some natural things like ginseng sometimes help in order to focus on a task, but I have been accomplishing more than ever before in my life.
I periodically forget my medication and definitely feel the difference. I would get back on whatever you said was working for you. Even if you forget sometimes, it is better than having no hope of a productive day. Put a reminder at the top of every calendar day. Have it also send you a notice on your phone. I usually have back up plans but still I was 2 hours late for my car appointment this week simply because I forgot to look at the calendar first thing in the morning! They were very good about it.
My husband also helped me clarify my misconception of time for specific tasks. For example, I thought it only takes me 30-40 minutes to get ready in the morning to go out, however it really takes an hour. He had my permission if I got sidetracked, to say “is that essential right now?” And I found myself asking the question at times too.
Anyway, don’t give up! The articles in ADDitude magazine have been very helpful for me in many cases too!
I found it very hard to motivate until I got on the right medication. No amount of caffeine would give me energy and drive. Wellbutrin has helped immensely and when necessary, concerta (Ritalin). Then all the guidelines and tricks making lists or whatever really make sense!
Don’t give up reading and looking for the solution for your particular brain type, and definitely ask your doctor for help adjusting medication. There are lots of natural supplements too but they only work for the milder ADD symptoms.
On another note, I found it motivating to have friends over on the weekends and I got the adrenaline rush to clean up 😉
Hope you find your solutions!
You’re not crazy!! Concussion is a huge factor in Brain function as you have now discovered. Studies are really only just coming to light because of the NFL player studies. Traumatic Brain Injury can happen in the slightest of accidents. Dr. Daniel Amen has done a lot of work in the NHL study and has a ton of good information on concussion. Keep resting your eyes if you have frontal lobe injury and minimize time on computer because it slows healing. It takes a lot longer than you might think to heal. Our brains are the consistency of soft butter, so they can bruise very easily.
If you have the means, you can get a SPECT image done to see if any of the concussion has left permanent damage, or if the medication and rest will rehabilitate the areas affected. It shows areas of function or damage. At least then you can know what you are dealing with. Amen Clinics do these scans but possibly your Neurologist can order one as well.
Take care and heal.
Charlie Brown, I’m so glad your wife wants to work on the relationship and that you are working very hard to make things work. Healing hurts for her will take time, however you can help it along. It may seem daunting but if you actually write a list of ways you have hurt her, and bit by bit confess to her that you know you have missed her needs, she will begin to see that you UNDERSTAND how much hurt she carries. But that isn’t all. In your confessions you need to tell her what you INTEND to do to change that behaviour. As she sees those changes, she will see how determined you are. That is how trust is rebuilt. Trust is built when the change is seen…not simply by hearing the confession. Taking responsibility for our part is key in starting the process. Now that you understand the role ADD plays in your actions you will make great gains in this process! Identifying ADD patterns is always enlightening. We find a majority of couples coming to us have at least one person with ADD that has gone undiagnosed or ignored for a long time.
The list might feel random at first, but if you identify the top relational needs you have missed in her, you will begin to see a pattern.
Attention, Affection, Appreciation, Approval, Acceptance, Comfort, Encouragement, Respect, Security (peace) and Support are the top 10 relational needs. If you need to look up definitions to help you categorize her hurts then by all means, do! This will help you see a pattern. For me I realized respect was one I was missing in my relationship big time. Once I saw that pattern I could work on how my spouse would feel respected.
This process is usually the most eye opening for our clients, because we don’t usually understand how we have hurt our spouses…or others around us for that matter.
Keep positive about progress and changes you have made. Don’t beat yourself up for something you were unaware of. Just press on working toward your goal of becoming a better spouse!
The best information I’ve seen on this is from Dr. Daniel Amen. http://Www.amenclinics.com
Your son could be in need of something to help balance the chemicals in his brain besides bringing the frontal lobe into alignment. If you give a stimulant to a person who might have anxiety, temporal lobe imbalance or what Dr. Amen calls “ring of fire” which would be overactive area like basil ganglia or cingulate, the stimulant will increase frustration, anger and oppositional behaviour. Those areas need to be calmed first before putting them on a stimulant so they get the focus without the agitation and defiance. He has more of this in his Healing ADD book, or you can also take the quiz on his website answering the questions for your son. Dr. Amen has subdivided into seven types as opposed to the basic three. They get much more detailed. Our brains are really very complex so often one medication isn’t enough to balance every area.
Once you have the right med balance, you will have a much better time teaching behaviour.
In the meantime, having the conversation with him when he is not upset will help prepare him for those times when he is upset.
Giving minimal choices is important for oppositional behaviour. Would you like A or B? Being firm that those are the options when they make other demands, however remain calm at all times. (Easier said sometimes). Hope this helps!