My Forum Comments
May 14, 2018 at 2:54 pm in reply to: Getting Your Child to Calm Down During Explosive Meltdown #84194
Oh, Mama, you are not alone. Please try to always remember that, even in the hard days. Until I joined this group, I thought I was completely alone in dealing with a child who had explosive behaviors. My son is nearly 13 now and we have been dealing with the same explosive behaviors. When he was younger, I would have to sit and bear-hug him until he was able to regain control. I just kept whispering in his ear “when you get your control back, I will let you go.” Now he is taller than me and weighs nearly the same as I do so that doesn’t work. I have learned what some of his triggers are and am able to cut down on some of the explosions by confronting the situation head on (too much junk food in a day, too much gaming or tv watching, too much time with just one friend, etc.). Some other things that have really worked for us are behavior counseling, appropriate meds, and teaching him to talk through what is bothering him. The book by Ross Greene that was referenced already in this thread was also a game changer for me. One final thing that we are beginning to implement in our house is the development of a growth/flexible mindset as opposed to a very fixed mindset. There is a great group on Facebook called “Raising Kids with a Growth Mindset” that I belong to. They are very positive and supportive – just like those within this group. I know there are so many other things that people have found to be effective with their children, but maybe some of the things I have tried will help you as well. Hang in there – it does get better as long as you stay consistent.
You are not wrong and you are NOT alone in having to deal with these situations. Until I read your post, I thought I was the only one having to deal with these emotional outbursts/explosions with my 13 year old son. I was beginning to think that there must be something terribly wrong with him, or with how I am parenting him, if he can have such hateful words come out of his mouth for no apparent reason. Reading your post and hearing the support from other parents dealing with similar situations has put a new light on my situation. I have to remember that when he is in his blow up that I need to control my reactions in order to subdue his. I need to remember that the hatefulness is not the true side of my son and that it is only temporary. I have found that his explosions are more frequent during growth spurts and his psychiatrist confirmed that it is highly possible since hormones are going crazy at this age. Hang in there!! We will survive this and our boys will be amazing in this world.
I want to thank you for your response to the initial question being posed. I completely understand where this parent is coming from as I have a child who is exactly the same. I have come to learn that when I loose my patience and react to his explosiveness, the cycle is even harder to stop. When I detach and just nod my head, he starts to calm down. Thank you for your kind comments and supportive statements. It really helps to hear that I’m not totally screwing up this whole parenting thing :).