My Forum Comments
The company I worked for gave the morning managers only about 5 minutes to let people in before they had to set the alarms. Even if they could see an employee walking toward the door, they had to set the alarm. So being just 30 seconds late turned into a circus. Meal breaks were just as bad, maybe worse, because if the person I worked with didn’t come back from lunch on time, I was late to go on mine. Thing is, co-worker liked to dawdle. She was a sweet lady and knew everybody, but she knew how to abuse the system. I loved my job but the clock management and favoritism drove me nuts.
I was going through a training program that was an hour commute from my home. The traffic was horrible and there was road construction going on. So I left early to try to miss the worst traffic. I’d get to the training building 30 minutes early. I would’ve sat in my car but it was winter and I didn’t want to run my car for heat. (It was record cold that month.) So I sat in one of the lobby areas and read the paper. I got reprimanded for that.
Years ago I worked at a place where everyone had to punch in and out on the same timeclock. Shift change was a zoo. And if you were near the end of the line (last-minute bathroom run) there was no way to punch in within the window of time allowed. We’d lose 15 minutes of pay.
The more I think about this- rereading “wanting a garden without nurturing it”- so completely describes my family… and convinces me (even more than I already thought) that either I was the only sane one or all of my “issues” somehow added up to normal-ness. It explains why I was yelled at for being a messy kid AND why no one bothered to show me a better way (don’t look in their closets or cabinets…) or give me the tools (even as little as 2 small laundry baskets instead of a bin bigger than me or a safe step stool for me to reach up in my closet… ). Why my offers or attempts to do things have always been met with anger and contempt.
In my trials to “get counseling” I was never able to “break through” because I DID know what to do, but wasn’t powerful enough to override the adults in my life and their calling me the bad part. Even as an adult, it has seemed like every little bit I improve myself (and I do not!!! talk about it) the more everyone else shuns me. Ridicules me.
Thank you, WarmMuddle! You may have saved my sanity.
Without knowing more details, she sounds frustrated and lonely…She is trying to communicate her feelings but can’t completely figure out what she feels and why she feels it. She’s 12. And expecting you to know what’s going on (inside) and to be the one with the answers, like a favorite teacher could in school. She also maybe feels guilty for feeling like you don’t care and telling you out loud instead of just keeping it to herself. The image of a life preserver floating just out of her reach and bobbing away in the wind keeps going through my mind.
I’m sorry if my thoughts aren’t complete.
Try going to your college’s health services. Or your academic counselor for ideas about what services your school or community have. I’d say work more and school less but that doesn’t always solve anything.
I had a blouse with a sewn in extended collar to tie into a bow. Perfect for chewing. By the time I had to get rid of it I had chewed the tie parts from floral blue to bleach white. Not sure if it was due to ADD, boredom, or anxiety. After the blouse went away, I started on my inside cheeks. I don’t remember if I ever caused bleeding, but I stopped: one night I had a dream that I chewed a hole through my cheek. But the cause of the behavior never got addressed (unless you count spanking), so I went on to develop trichotillomania. (Ha! Spelled it right on the 1st try!) One weekend the ‘rents left me alone…and I pulled out four square inches of hair from just above my forehead. [Oh, that’s a different website. Sorry.]March 20, 2019 at 10:06 pm in reply to: Was on the verge of panic today, from people talking. #112391
Aww Ranma- You made me smile!March 18, 2019 at 4:26 pm in reply to: Was on the verge of panic today, from people talking. #112127
I forgot to mention: Having to take an important! test and slowly going insane because I was the only one who could hear the wall clock tick-tick-ticking.March 18, 2019 at 11:52 am in reply to: Was on the verge of panic today, from people talking. #112061
I never understood this about myself. I always blamed being tired (from the extreme insomnia) for not really liking going out with friend groups. Then one day my Dad offered to take me (along with his second wife) to a popular restaurant I’d never been to. He was a cheapie, so his usual plan was to go to places during happy hour just for the free snacks. We opened the door to go in and the tidal wave of sound physically knocked me backwards. There was no way I could go in there as busy as it was! We had to drive around for 30 minutes waiting for the pizza place to open. Stepmom, who didn’t seem to like me much, really got upset with me and never was nice to me again. But how was I supposed to enjoy a treat in an atmosphere where my brain would explode?!
Tanumen: Oh, I’m so glad I didn’t write sooner- I didn’t know there were Psych NPs! I was going to write that NPs shouldn’t be allowed to deal with “brain stuff”, but clearly I would’ve been wrong.
I was hospitalized for 6 weeks due to a rare and exhausting physical condition. They brought in an 80-year-old shrink to chat with me, but because of the exhaustion I fell asleep mid-session and was very drowsy otherwise. For that I was labelled as depressed and put on meds by an NP (who seemed to hate me and I will never schedule another visit with her) that made me balloon to my heaviest weight ever. But I had never felt more positive before! Hey, I survived! My life is a do-over!
It is really hard to be a do-over when you are 60 pounds overweight through no fault of your own and can’t walk.
I just got the wrong NP.
Wow. Do all of your “friends” suck the creativity and whimsy out of you?
There are so many things about my life that would probably be better if I had this website to learn from at a much younger age. There are even things I “tried out” as a kid to make things work better, but Mom ridiculed me… You are learning! Application of the lessons takes time. We didn’t learn multiplication and division in a day, right? (Oh, egads!!)
When I make a mistake I just say “Ooops” and move on. So the garbage gets taken out a day early once in a while. That’s much better than a day late frequently. Going to an appointment a day early? Better than a day late. The bigger booboos get louder Ooopses. I’m making that a word.
Can you expand a bit about the nature of the business? Is all of this paperwork constantly trickling in or does it show up at different times of the day or by the activity that created the paperwork? Any kind of way to sort it out or prioritize? Can your boss help to make a flow chart?
Once upon a time I had to learn how to do a promotion job with almost no training and no ONE person to go to. I learned by trial-and-error, looking through old files, and outdated training materials. But I excelled in a few short months of the routine.
They wouldn’t have promoted you if you didn’t have potential! Try to break down what help you need into categories (if you can) or tell your boss that there is something you’re just not “getting” and would like some more direction getting to that AHA! Or if there’s “just too much”, ways to streamline/steps to skip until there’s a lull?
… borderline ADD to begin with, anyway…
I was tested for ADD twice, many years apart. I think a big part of why I’ve never been diagnosed is because I’ve always been athletic: sports in school (track & field), lots of cycling, hiking.January 13, 2019 at 8:38 pm in reply to: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? This is what's ruining my life? #106604
(I’m taking a deep breath because I even get rejection on forums…)
(I never heard of RSD either until this website- SO: Thank you ADDitude!)
If you don’t want to/can’t afford to go to a doctor about this, I don’t blame you. I’ve tried counseling many times over a 25-year span and they have been quick to jump on the depression thing, but that never felt right. More importantly, I never really felt listened to.
If you can print the quiz results out, do… and when you are calm, I’d go through and write down examples next to each answer to review/reflect periodically. Not to beat yourself up with, but to get to an Aha! moment or at least streamline your thoughts, look for trends, connections, etc.
I’m not a professional, but there are workbooks on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (one being Mind Over Mood) in bookstores/check out books at a library (get a handful and sit and skim through them before committing any money or possible overdue library fees), do the Amazon search… whatever works for you. Not to diagnose, but to learn and “arm” yourself with insight/tools.
Have you considered temporary positions? Taking temp jobs could lessen the stress of $ and rejection…The jobs are temporary anyway, so if they don’t like you, the issue could be on them. Or you might not like them! Or you could mesh wonderfully. I’ve had a few jobs start out as seasonal/temp and turn into 5+++ years full-time gigs. (One lasted 18 years!)January 7, 2019 at 6:07 pm in reply to: S.O.S. Trying to explain why I need private time afterwork #106361
I was going to suggest exercise, too. Stop and go for a walk, go swim, throw rocks in a lake or river. Shoot hoops at a gym. And if that doesn’t help, when you get home, kiss your mom on the cheek and tell her you’ll be back to talk in 15 minutes. She might not ever get WHY you do, so skip the explaining and just go to your room. Politely. Actually, now that I think back, after I moved back in, I’d often call to see if Mom needed me to pick up anything on my way home. That allowed her to hear my voice and be reassured that I’m okay/tired and might need a rest/am going to go for a little exercise, so not-to-worry.