My Forum Comments
Take this from someone who has ADHD. Although I’m now 28 years old. I didn’t have a diagnosis as a child, because my family was highly neglectful in that regard. But I had many, many struggles at a young age.
First things first. You are very clearly a very great and supportive parent. I do sometimes see posts and comments from parents without ADHD who have a child with ADHD, and many times I find the comments highly upsetting, and very misguided. But you are not misguided, you are caring, and you are clearly working so hard to create a successful environment for your daughter.
It will never be perfect, you will make mistakes, That’s ok. The key is working through them, and adjusting in the future. But it’s also crucial for you to remind yourself. No matter how great the accommodations, diet, medication and structure are for her. There are still going to be bad days sometimes. These symptoms don’t go away all together, but they can be managed and become less stressful with all of those things. She’s also only 5 years old. So at that young of an age, there are so many pieces to this that are so heavy for a child. But you are doing so much for her, most importantly, you’re aware that it’s not perfect, and you take it to heart. You CARE that she’s still struggling. I doubt she’s able to understand what you’re doing for her right now. But I promise you, by the time she’s in high school, college, adulthood, everything you’re doing will pay off. She will be thankful, and grateful.
I was placed in gifted and talented at a very young age, and found my way out of it by 6th grade because my ADHD and various other learning disabilities that are often times associated with ADHD just took over. I didn’t have a diagnosis, so I didn’t know how to manage. My teachers thought I was “really really smart, but lazy and lacked motivation.” School became really overwhelming and incredibly hard because I couldn’t focus. But I found myself hyperfocusing outside of school on various interests, that meant I never did my homework, and I barely graduated.
I didn’t have the tools at the time to reach my potential.
YOU are giving your daughter the tools, at a very young age, to one day learn how to manage this, and reach the potential she has in herself.
I wish I had a parent like you as a child. Honestly.
- This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Anthonytg.
Do you do any type of cbt therapy? A really big thing for me as of late has been acknowledging my emotions in the moment, but trying to understand them within my ADHD. Meaning, I may feel or perceive rejection from my partner, which triggers a range of emotions and potentially vindictive responses. I instead try and not react to this emotion. Because I know that this sensitivity stems from my ADHD. But also, I have a truly amazing partner who supports me in every way imaginable. And she actively tries to work with me through these things. Some of that means she reframes how she will present things to me.
ADHD in a relationship is a 2 person battle. Both partners need to be invested in making changes and working to be effective for one another.
She understands how I can be triggered by otherwise small things, so she remains conscious of that. She understands how my hyperfocus and exhaustion with certain tasks presents, so she no longer feels like I’m intentionally ignoring her or like she doesn’t matter, because it’s more complex than that. She no longer takes it personally, because she understands it’s not about her.
But because she’s so great and working with me. I need to work with her as well. I may slip up and get frustrated with her because my brain told me I wasn’t good enough, when in reality, it was merely perception and not what she’d actually told me. I have to make sure that I’m not using my diagnosis as an excuse for doing that to her. I need to apologize. And more importantly, I need to communicate in the moment about how I’m feeling. She trusts and respects how ADHD effects me, so I can tell her how what she said (while telling her I understand it’s simply my brains perception and not reality) has caused me to feel. We’re able to talk about it, and use that to try and reframe future interactions.
Moral of this story is that open and honest communication is super effective. As well as 2 partners who are willing to both work at it, while accepting that you’ll both make some mistakes along the way.