My Forum Comments
That’s exactly it! It’s actually helpful to know that I’m not the only one!
Thanks to both of you as well! I hadn’t considered hypersensitivity because I’m generally not emotional at all. Didn’t realize it could manifest in a very narrow way. I’ll definitely be looking into it more.
Never heard that about the movies! Great idea!
I also don’t like to talk openly my feelings very much. You can work around that in a couple of ways. One way is to not ask him how he feels about it, but instead say how YOU feel and ask for his input. “Sometimes I worry that I’m slighting you when I arrange social things for your sister, because I know you don’t get into the social thing so much. I’ve been wanting to arrange some things that are more in your court. Is there any place you’ve been wanting to go?”
The other pointer I’d have, is to bring it up in a very casual way, and keep the conversation casual. Otherwise he might feel embarrassed because, even with ADD, he’s still 14 and heart to heart talks with Mom are not cool when you’re 14. And he’s a guy. I heard a joke on TV once by a female comedian who said that the one self defense technique that women really need to know is that if you’re threatened by a guy who intends you harm, you should look into his eyes and say, “Honey, we need to talk,” because there isn’t a male on the planet who won’t turn and run when he hears that! So I’d suggest just at some random moment, saying something like, “Hey, can I run something by you?” That way, it’s not a big deal and you’re not asking him to talk about his feelings. You’re just casually asking for his input on your problem.
One of two things will come of it. Either he takes the bait and gives you some ideas, or he says, “Nah. Is there any pizza left,” and walks off, carefully avoiding looking “not cool,” but secretly pleased to know you’re concerned about his feelings. No way you can lose 🙂
Your son, at 14, is old enough to talk with him about it. He may be happier on his own. Socializing is exhausting for me and always has been. Given a choice as a child, I would always have preferred to be left alone, and resented my parents’ attempts to force me to be more social. You could mention to your son that you sometimes worry about him feeling left out when you plan social events for his sister. He may not be bothered by it at all. You might ask him if there are things he would really like to do. I hated being forced to deal with humans, but I was over the moon to be taken someplace where I could interact with animals, or to someplace natural, where I could roam on a beach or hike to a waterfall. If you include your son in the discussion, I think he can guide you better than anyone here can. But what I would NOT do is feel guilty for treating your children as individuals and not forcing one to be like the other.
Caffeine puts me to sleep… Typical ADD. Sugar’s my drug of choice to wake up, which actually brings up 2 points foe me. I used to get so exhausted at work that I passed out a couple of times. To combat it, I used Energy Gu. 1 packet and it was like standing on a foggy coastline and seeing the fog lift away. Most energy things are caffeine based and therefore sedative for most ADD people. Energy Gu is sugar and b vitamins, so it works. Be careful of the flavor. Most are disgusting. Chocolate and chocolate mint are amazing. Vanilla is palatable.
2nd thing: I stopped needing Energy Gu at work when I started supplementing DHEA. If you’re deficient, it takes about 2 weeks to start to see a change. Day 13 was a life-changer for me. There’s no benefit if you’re not deficient, and if you’re not deficient, there can be side effects, manifesting as the “opposite” hormone — estrogen in guys and testosterone in women. My sister tried it and noticed increased facial hair. I should say, “hairs”. She didn’t grow a beard or anything. She also didn’t notice a huge energy change. So, clearly she was not deficient, so she stopped taking it. I’ve been taking it for years now. The only side effect I have is that my hair is a little more curly (indicating slightly elevated testosterone), but if I drop it only for a week or so, I’m back to the overwhelming exhaustion. Might be worth a try. Worst case, you find out you’re not deficient and just stop taking it. I would ask your doc, though, if you have health issues that might be affected by hormone levels (such as pregnancy or cancer of the breast, uterus or ovaries). I’m not a medical professional. I’m a computer geek who rescues rattlesnakes on the side. Neither qualifies me to give medical advice!
Very cool! Thanks! I’m off to Amazon to check on that now. Probably true about the snakes! Most are surprised to find that my rattleys are smart, social critters 🙂
This is very eloquent. Thank you for posting it!
That’s a good idea too. now you’ve got me thinking creatively about it. I suppose I could also, when I get into that state, pretend that I need to resettle the snake as a distraction and to give me a moment to collect myself. Although the snakes are generally so well-behaved that they’d blow my cover by sitting completely still!
I do. Fatigue is a constant for me. Unfortunately, my solution will not work for most people. First, I’ve given up on having friends, because friends expect you to socialize on the weekend, and social stuff is too exhausting. Secondly, I force myself to get up and move. MY cat helps with that because he doesn’t let me sleep too late. If I let myself give in to the fatigue, I would never move from the sofa — and that tends to lead to depression. So I just force myself to get moving — and once I’m up and outside, I find that my energy level picks up a bit. I’ll start a hike and hate myself for it for the first half mile, but then I’m reluctant to stop.
Very interesting, Lys! I had never considered that possibility, but a lot of it rings true. I won’t do any public speaking at all to a group, but need to get to the point where in a one -on-one snake encounter I can say, “This species is in decline in our area as a result of habitat loss,” without someone thinking I’m going to burst into tears over the issue!
Maybe try working with him in an outdoor setting when weather allows. Some studies have found that ADD students work and focus better in a natural environment. If you can’t have him study outside, maybe try increasing the amount of time he spends outdoors, and schedule his study times for times when he’s just spent some relaxed outdoor time?
Stunned: Thanks so much for all that info! I’ll definitely look into those options!
Not a matter of preaching for me. I can’t afford treatment, so meds are not an option for me. I can tell you what works for me, but I can’t promise it will work for you. Years ago, a connection was made between natural environments and ADD, to the point where some people began referring to ADD as NDD — Nature Deficit Disorder. A lot of kids with ADHD perform much better in school, focus better and are less “hyperactive” when they’re taught outdoors.
I find this is the best thing for me too. Indoors, I’m either restless or or a zombie, constantly stressed and frantic. Unfocused, disorganized. You know — ADD! In natural environments I’m calm, focused, organised, energized in a good way. I often stay out into the wee hours of the morning, patrolling rural highways for rattlesnake rescues, and then have to be up by 7 to make it to work on time. I’ll get physically exhausted, but at the same time, I’m more more relaxed and focused during the day, and just feel better in general than when I haven’t been out in the desert all night.
I have no idea whether this (the outdoors, not the rattleys) would help you or not, but it’s an easy thing to try for a time. Makes a HUGE difference for me.
I don’t have a spouse, but I think this is a common issue. People around me constantly dismiss my ADD issues in a way that they would never dismiss another disability. You would never tell someone who’s blind to just suck it up and read the menu, or tell a someone who’s paralyzed that walking a mile shouldn’t really be a big deal. I can’t afford treatment, so I have to just manage the best I can. My family sees my inability to handle a 40 hour work week (I work 30 hours) as laziness, even though I haven’t had more than a long weekend off in 17 years, and the 30 hours leaves me too exhausted to have friends. I wish people would take it seriously, but they don’t or won’t and I don’t expect to see that change anytime soon.
I actually prefer ones that aren’t polished, because the polished texture makes them less fidgety. raw, unpolished agate is especially nice because the surface has a soapy feel that’s not rough to the touch.