My Forum Comments
Wish I had some better advice. I AM your husband, except for the fact that, without a spouse, walking away from the job that drives me to the point of desperation and has at times driven me to the brink of ending it is simply not possible because there is no spouse for me to depend on. I get my butt out of bed and out the door to work, and I do my job, no matter how much I hate it because, even with ADD, I get that I would hate being homeless with a cat and a tortoise even more.
The one thing that helps me is that I have another “job” that I don’t get paid for, but which I love, I’m good at, and that makes a difference. It’s not always fun. It’s hard and heartbreaking, and a lot of nights it leaves me physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. It means getting off work at six, and immediately hitting the road for my other job, getting home between midnight and 2 AM and then starting all over again at 7AM. But… it gives me a life of sorts, and a feeling of competence and self-worth when I’m out there. All of the things my “real” job takes away from me. It lets me see the job I hate as something akin to chronic pain — something I have no choice but to live with, but which I refuse to allow to stop me living. Maybe your husband could find something like that — something he can put in the forefront of his life that gives him what his other job takes away from him.October 23, 2017 at 7:04 pm in reply to: Has anyone treated symptoms with coffee or alternative type of caffeine? #66281
Caffeine worked for me before I realized it. I was in a situation where I was having occasions in martial arts training where I was suddenly more focused and functional. My trainer and I spent some time figuring out what the consistent factor was. Turned out, the only common factor was a coffee cart at the events where I performed better, and I’d had the coffee about 2 hours before the match. It doesn’t surprise me, though, that doctors don’t recommend non-pharmaceutical options. Unfortunately, the doctors who don’t recommend non-medical options generally refuse to treat anyone without insurance, so we’re kinda left with the “non-recommended” options. 🙂 I’d agree that if you have the option of proper medical treatment, it makes sense to use it.
Fall is tough for me too, and I totally get the school connection. All summer I wake early, and get up by 7, even though I’m always out until anywhere between midnight and 2 AM for my snake rescue work. Once Autumn hits, I can’t ever seem to get enough sleep. Also, I live for summer, and being outdoors and my snake work. As the snakes disappear into dens, and the crows leave for the winter, it’s like someone’s taking the world away from me.
I don’t really have the answer. I dread it every year. But I can say that what helps me is to get outside, no matter what the weather. I get so unhappy when the snakes disappear, but the same weather brings bighorn sheep, elk, and wild turkeys down from the hills, and before too long, the eagles show up. If I stay inside all the time, I just notice what I’m missing. But if I dress for the weather and go out, I’m reminded that the world hasn’t gone away — it’s just different. If you have trouble making yourself go out, try getting in the habit of carrying a camera. Even when I’m reluctant to go out in the cold, I can lure myself out with thoughts of the cool photos I can take of wildlife in the snow, or ice on the river, or hoarfrost on trees. It makes a HUGE difference to my mood and outlook.
What happens if you go, and he doesn’t help you? Nothing will have changed. You’ll be exactly where you are right now. If he does help, you’ll be better off than you are now. So the worst that can possibly happen is… nothing. When you look at it that way, what are you afraid of? Nothing! 🙂
Came across this article. Not sure whether it will help, but it might be worth reading.October 19, 2017 at 9:35 pm in reply to: Has anyone treated symptoms with coffee or alternative type of caffeine? #65915
I rely heavily on caffeine because I can’t afford medication. One thing that’s important to keep in mind is that any instant lift you feel from drinking coffee is purely psychological (or caused by the sugar you put in the coffee). Caffeine from coffee actually takes a couple of hours to affect your mental state. The diuretic effect seems to happen faster, but for me, if I want to be in a focused, relaxed state, I need to drink the coffee just about 2 hours in advance. I don’t know about it with a child that young, though. If your doc okays it, I’d test it on a day you’re not sending him to school. With a child’s faster metabolism, the timing might be different.
If I see two numbers next to each other, I run away, just in case it might be math! 😉 You’re not alone in this! I’ve been helped a little by some of the books written by the “human calculators.” There are a number of people who teach those skills. I’m too scatterbrained to use all of the techniques, but I’ve learned to employ some of them to simplify the process.
Regarding the ReVibe. They’re insanely expensive. My “poor man’s version” (when at home) is to leave the TV on in the background, knowing that they break to commercials every 15 minutes and have a program change on the hour. That way I have a sense of the amount of time passing.
There’s a girl on YouTube who has a channel for teens with ADD. It may take some time, but I’ll see if I can find it for you.October 16, 2017 at 12:44 pm in reply to: Do I have adult ADD, am I in denial? is there a telephone/online specialist? #65568
It definitely sounds like ADD. I can’t afford treatment, but awareness of the issues allows me to find strategies to deal with them individually. Sadly, this has not helped enough to allow me to go on to a successful career, but I manage to make a living at a job I hate, in order to support the work I love but can’t get paid for. It’s a compromise, but no one’s life is perfect.
I don’t have any idea whether this will be a useful perspective at all. I have ADD, and I used to be bothered by little stuff. Then I got into doing some humanitarian work with POWs. It was a huge eyeopener for me. They were constantly cheerful. Always putting the best face on things. On one occasion, I lost contact for some time with a group of six of them. Finally, I heard from one of them. “We’re all fine in here, as usual! Sorry about the delay in writing you. We had a little problem with a couple of the guards, but don’t worry! We gave as good as we got! Ha!” He then went on to express concern about a work issue I’d been having last time I wrote him.
A few days later, I finally heard back from a lawyer I’d been trying to get info from, and got the full story. They had been forced at gunpoint to make an “escape attempt” after a guard cut through the fence. The purpose of course, was to create an excuse for guard to give them a beating. Two had been beaten so badly that they required resuscitation. One had been thrown from a 25 foot wall (breaking both arms) and then repeatedly kicked in the face. Since that time they had been under 24 hour lockdown, denied clothing, medical treatment for the injuries, hot water, and most of their meals. So… that was the “little problem” they’d had that was so minor that I wasn’t to worry about it. I realized at the time that if they could stay positive under those conditions, I certainly didn’t have much right to be bothered by little things like other people not behaving according to my expectations.
Also, I guess, by dealing with situations like that over a number of years I came to understand that there’s a difference between bad and inconvenient. My approach now is, if no one’s in danger of dying, it’s not worth getting wound up over. Oddly, I think my ADD helps, in that I simply don’t have the energy to get all wound up over stuff other people are doing. I barely have the energy to deal with my own crap! 🙂
I know there are no solutions in any of this. One of those things I think you have to live through to take the lesson from it and not something one person can tell another and have it “click.” But I thought it worth a mention, because sometimes just seeing things from a different perspective can be useful.
I’ve never been able to afford treatment of any kind, so I’ve had to become the master of finding ways to cope. Since I can do nothing about the overall issues, I focus on concrete solutions to individual behaviors. For example, once I learned that I had ADD, and understood what was making me late, I came up with some solutions. Maybe some of them will help with you concerns about being late.
1. Always establish a set time to leave, and make sure that time to leave is at least half an hour before I really need to leave to arrive on time. That way, when I’m 15 minutes behind, I still get there a little early. I also get there less stressed. It takes me half an hour to work. I give myself an hour — plenty of time to dawdle, take a few photos, hang out with the rattlesnakes in the lobby for a few minutes.
2. If I’m ready early, I do not allow myself to start anything (even looking at an email) in the remaining time. Instead, I wash one or two dishes, or sweep the floor — any one of those tasks that only take a minute or two but are so easy to put off. I won’t be distracted and tempted to linger at those tasks — and I feel like I’ve accomplished something to boot.
3.I Pay attention to my tendency to get distracted by minor crises (can’t find my sunglasses, knocked over a stack of mail), and tell myself, aloud if necessary, “The scattered mail will still be there later. Right now, I need to get out the door.”
I’ll still occasionally run behind because of the things that are out of my control, but I’m not finding myself feeling humiliated by having to say, “Sorry I’m late again!! It’s the ADD thing!” Now it’s just, “Sorry! Tortoise pooped all over his breakfast at the last minute and I had to make him a fresh one,” and I can laugh it off, because everyone has mornings like that now and then.
Totally with you there. I work a regular full time job in IT and then have another full time occupation rescuing snakes, so I work all day without a lunch break, then patrol roads for most of the night, and I have two critters at home that need care and attention. It’s a struggle for me to even manage basic household chores. When I THINK I’m going to sit down and eat breakfast, there’s a cat howling as loudly as he can for me to just sit down with him and a tortoise scrabbling at his door begging to either be hand fed or go for a walk. If by some miracle I actually have a few free minutes, it’s almost impossible to rise above the overwhelmed thing and actually do anything productive. I think that’s just how ADD works. I’ve heard that it’s easier with treatment, for those who can afford it, though, so if you have insurance, you might see about talking to a doctor about meds or counseling.
Absolutely. I get completely overwhelmed, which then results in stress-related exhaustion.
I don’t have a bike, but recently got a Trikke that I hope will eventually be useful for transportation. Now I have to have a small backpack for my wallet and such when I’m riding (awkward to have a bag or sling pack and ride at the same time). I recently bought a small bag (wallet, phone, and card case), which I try to remember to switch from one bag to another, but sometimes forget to transfer. It’s helping me at least have the basics with me. Oddly, I ever end up on patrol without the stuff I need for the snakes! It’s the stuff for my own needs that always ends up left behind. I think I just have a limited capacity for what I can remember to grab, so I manage to grab what’s vital for the work but not the incidental stuff that I MIGHT need or that makes things more convenient.