My Forum Comments
I have the same issue. Not even relaxed when I’m crashed on a sofa watching TV. But I’m totally relaxed hanging out on a rattlesnake den! I’ll sit there with them for hours & feed them water. They’re very good ADD therapists! Unfortunately that’s not an option for most people. So… 2nd best for me is to get out into the woods or desert. There’s so much evidence that ADD symptoms are minimized in natural environments that people were starting to call it “Nature Deficit Disorder.” In a natural setting, I’m relaxed, fully present and focused.
I use an Alexa device. I don’t like the privacy issues but I put up with it, because it’s so good for remembering stuff. I can set a toast timer, or set multiple reminders to keep me moving in the morning. I can even tell it to remember where I put something. I still lose things all the time because I don’t tell it about everything, but an important paper or something I really can’t afford to lose track of, I can just tell Alexa where I put it. Sometimes telling Alexa is enough to set it in my mind, but if not, I can always ask.
Alexa even has a “nag” app, so it keeps nagging you until the task is done.
Constantly. Often permanently. I was so excited this weekend about the fact that after 2 years of promising myself that I would get a spill-not drink carrier so I can get coffee on the way to work when I’m Trikking in, I finally got it on Friday. Couldn’t wait to try it out today. Only, it’s gone. Searched my tiny apartment for half an hour. It never turned up. It’s not a tiny little thing that I could overlook. How can I lose something I was so excited about buying, when I simply set it down near the door so I cold grab it easily on the way out, and didn’t touch it again? One of the worst things about it is how condescending other people are about it.
Knowing makes a difference, though in my case it’s also frustrating because I know, but I can’t do anything about it, because I can’t afford treatment or counseling. But knowing allows you to at least be prepared and develop some strategies.
Thank you so much! I have no access to health care so meds and counseling are out of reach for me, but it’s nice to know someone understands. Most peoplw don’t get it.
Thanks to all who responded!I appreciate the perspective.
dduch, I also appreciate your kind words about my rattlesnake work. I’m far from the only one who does this work, so I can’t take credit for being unique. I guess I don’t worry about being unique or interesting. I just want to be effective. I was saving the lives of about 1000 animals every summer. WHich means, that’s approximately the number dead this summer because of my inability to drive. 🙁
We’re exactly the same age! I looked into counseling but can’t afford it. Also looked into disability but I live in the cheapest apartments in town and disability wouldn’t even cover my rent, bc it pays a portion of your salary — which is low in my case because I can only manage 30 hours a week. I do have a passionate interest, but it’s recently been taken away. I can’t drive, and it involves being on the road every night. My driver dropped out, and I can’t imagine why, but it’s really hard to find people who want to spend all night rescuing rattlesnakes! Thanks for responding! I’m also interested to hear whether there are other people out there bothered by being dismissed as “neurodiverse.”
I tried it. It had no effect on me whatever. I might as well have been drinking vegetable oil twice a day.June 13, 2019 at 6:34 pm in reply to: Seriously how do you meditate with a brain that never stops?! #119777
Try this one. It’s more ADD friendly. Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Actively listen to everything around you. Label every sound as you hear it. Fridge. Dog barking. Car passing. Listen closer. What’s the farthest sound you can hear? Because your brain wants to be active, it’s tough to try not to think. This gives your brain an active task, while practicing mindfulness, which is just being focused on THIS moment in THIS place. At first, only try it for 5 minutes.
This was a huge issue for me, but it’s been solved with a surprisingly simple solution. I have a Kindle Fire HD, but you can use a cell phone if you have one. I go to bed at a reasonable time (when I’m not doing rattlesnake rescue until 2 AM!). Lights out, under the covers, eyes closed, to create a nice bit of sensory deprivation. In that state I listen to either audiobooks, free audiobooks on librivox or more often, I use the free TuneIn app to listen to radio dramas, or podcasts with the screen turned off. Listening in the dark, while lying down and eyes closed is essential — anything else could trigger the brain to be more active. In a state of sensory deprivation, though, my mind drifts off into the story and more often than not, into sleep. In fact I do more TuneIn than books because I found I was getting frustrated at always falling asleep in the middle of the chapter, and then it just keeps playing, so when I wake up I have to find my place again. Half hour radio dramas (scifi oldtime radio is my favorite) are ideal.
- This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by anomalocaris.
I don’t think it would fly in a discrimination suit or harassment suit. They are treating you like any other employee. They’re not harassing you because you have ADD. They’re treating you exactly as they would treat any other employee who isn’t getting the job done. When you took work home, you were deliberately violating company policy, and they responded in the same way they would respond to any other employee who did the same. And they’re understandably frustrated with the fact that (from their point of you) you seem to be making excuses. The first thing an employee should do would be to advise the employer (in writing) that the employee has been diagnosed with a disability that may require accommodation in accordance with ADA, and request a formal meeting in order to discuss what accommodations might be reasonable. That way, everyone’s on the same page.
The employer is required to make reasonable accommodation for a disability, but this needs to be established in a formal meeting, where employer and employee sit down together and discuss what accommodations are necessary for the employee to do the job. An employer is not required to make accommodations that cost the company undue time or money. is only required to make reasonable accommodation (such as allowing an office change if the current office is too noisy to focus). Taking work home might seem to be a reasonable accommodation, but it’s more serious than most employees realize. It amounts to unpaid time, and the company can get in serious legal trouble over it, if the employees involved receive an hourly wage. The employer is not required to simply give an employee a pass on missed deadlines and unfinished projects, because these kinds of things affect other employees and cost the company time and money.
Maybe look at Doug Noell’s work. He has some techniques that can be helpful, based on affect labeling. The basics:
Never use I statements (Like, “I understand that you’re angry.”). Instead, just label the emotion. “You’re really angry.” And let them respond to that, and then continue to affect label as the response changes.
Yeah, I’m angry! Because you never care what I think!
So.. you feel disrespected, because you feel I don’t listen to you. (etc.)
Sometimes you get it wrong, and they reject it (I’m not angry! I’m frustrated because I can’t get you to listen to me!). if that happens just try again and eventually you’ll hit the right note.
Never express it as a question. Also, it should not be seen as a conversation. It’s just a technique to deescalate the aggression so that a conversation can take place. If you think of it as a conversation it will feel very awkward.
He uses this method to deescalate conflicts between violent offenders in prisons, and also teaches it to parents with difficult kids. I just mentioned some of the basics to give you an idea of the technique, but I think it would be worth reading some of his material or contacting him. He’s very responsive to contact and questions.
My best fidgets ever were short (2/12 inches or so) strings of assorted stone beads, including some smooth and some natural shapes/textures. Unfortunately, I could never find anything durable enough to prevent them from wearing out, so eventually I switched to just single rocks.
I have ADD and hate compression clothing. I always end up looking a bit sloppy because my clothing has to be loose and comfortable Nothing fitted, or it drives me nuts. It’s different with blankets at night. I like them to be heavy and usually pull them into a tight cocoon. I can see using compression clothing for kids with autism, but it sounds counterproductive for ADD.
As someone with ADD, I don’t have a phone that can text, and I make sure people know this. Partly it’s because I can’t afford a smart phone, but in part, I just don’t want to go there, because of exactly what’s being discussed on this thread. Most people who text assume that you’re available to them 24-7 and they get offended if you don’t respond. Whether you’re working, driving, involved in a conversation with someone else or sleeping doesn’t seem to matter. “HEY! I texted you and you didn’t drop whatever you were doing to pay attention to me!” Because of my ADD, it’s all I can do to get through the day and handle my responsibilities. I don’t have the energy to respond to every random thought of everyone in my life. If you really need me, call me and if I can help I will… but I can’t just attend to constant random stuff all day. I’d go nuts (and it’s not that far a trip as it is…).