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  • in reply to: Dating with ADHD #195491

    I don’t know whether any resources are available, but I can give you my tips. My boyfriend and I both have ADHD so it’s a bit easier for us to understand each other.
    That’s the first thing, know yourself and your ADHD. Know your strengths and weaknesses and discuss them with your partner. Communication is everything.

    For example: You may need to ask me to do something multiple times, because I am very forgetful. It’s not because I don’t care about you or because I don’t want to do it, it’s just because I simply forget.
    Also, think about how you would like them to communicate with you. If you forgot something they asked you to do, what should they do? Simply ask again? Give a hint? Ask whether you remember? This is equally important because I think as people with ADHD we carry around a kind of guilt. Saying the wrong thing or using the wrong tone can make us feel judged and patronised.

    You may experience emotional outbursts. Let them know that it’s not because of them, that you can’t help it and that they shouldn’t take it personally. You just need to get rid of emotions and they were the first person in sight. Again, ask yourself what they can do to help you. Should they leave you alone or do you need a cuddle? Maybe it’s different every time and they could simply ask whether they can do anything for you or what you need from them.

    Also, apologising does not mean you were wrong. I think because of that guilt thing, again, we may feel reluctant to apologise because it implies we were wrong, but that’s not true. Instead of apologising for your behaviour, apologise for how it made them feel. Tell them you didn’t mean it, tell them why you did it, whichever applies.
    When your mind wanders during a conversation with them and they notice and accuse you of not caring, you can say: I’m sorry for making you feel unheard (address their feelings), that wasn’t my intention. My mind just wanders sometimes and I can’t help it. Next time, I will try to let you know when I’ve lost you and I hope you won’t mind repeating it, because I do want to know.

    It’s important to realise that some things are largely out of your control, like forgetfulness and not being able to pay attention in conversation. The key is to try to find little solutions together, which all starts with understanding and acceptance. They shouldn’t mind repeating themselves at all if they understand why that is necessary sometimes. They may even suggest things that may help.

    Also, keep a sense of humour. If you can laugh at difficulties together, they don’t seem so difficult anymore.

    It sounds like a lot of work, but trust me, if it’s the right person these things should be much easier than they sound. They will gladly accept your weaknesses because they love your strengths. Over time, you will know each other very well and these things become second nature. But in the beginning, you will need to communicate these things, no matter how difficult that can be.

    Good luck!

    in reply to: Adhd medication and CBD oil #169478

    I also combine CBD oil with my medication (dextroamphetamine), and I like the effect of it. I started using it when I was forced to change medication (my old, perfect one, isn’t allowed to be distributed anymore due to the laws in my country). The new medication made me very anxious, paranoid and unable to relax. It is the only dextroamphetamine available in my country (covered by insurance), and my doctor has advised against methylphenidate because I have depressive moods and sleeping disorders. So anyway, stuck with this awful medication, I decided to try CBD Oil. It definitely helps with the anxiety and restlessness.
    You don’t mention your reason for combining them, but if you are looking for some more peace and quiet in your mind and less anxiety, it’s definitely a good choice.
    Do remember that CBD works like a supplement, it needs to “build up” in your body a bit. If you think it doesn’t work, just keep taking it and ask yourself again in a few weeks. If you aren’t sure (because it is expensive), try not taking it for a week or so as a test. We gradually get used to the effects, so it might not be a very noticeable difference, until you stop for a while, then you can really tell whether it works. Good luck!


    Thanks for the advice! Sadly there are no other amphetamines registered in the Netherlands.
    I guess I’ll just have to accept it. It is just so difficult when you know how great things were with the old medication, but knowing that’s not going to be possible anymore. It’s been three months since I was forced to switch and I still cry when I think about how I used to thrive and was on the way to finally gettting my life together. I was doing so well.
    I do have one other option, which is dextro-amfetamine extended release, but it’s not covered by insurance and I just really can’t afford it.
    Really having trouble not throwing a pity party for myself 🙂

    in reply to: Child’s desk placed in the corner apart from class #112719

    Wow, as a teacher-to-be with ADHD myself, this blows my mind. I remember having a girl with ADHD in my class when I was in primary school (I wasn’t diagnosed myself at that point). She would sometimes have to sit alone in a corner too. I remember we all thought of it as a bit of a punishment.
    I’m a foreigner, but I’m guessing 3rd grade is around 8 or 9 years old? At that age things like this will affect a child more than the teacher probably realises.
    I would say that teacher did not get a proper education to be a teacher, or a very outdated one, because my study focuses on kids with special needs A LOT, but maybe that is just in my country.
    I’m not a fan of excluding a child from the class like this. If it is absolutely needed (after trying absolutely everything else), the situation should be the other way around. As a teacher you should offer a special needs child (but really any child) whatever they need to focus and learn. If the teacher does think it is best for the child to sit alone in a quiet part of the classroom, then the teacher should make it a positive thing for the child, make it their area. Hang some of their drawings on the wall, put some fidget toys on the table, or coloured pencils, whatever they like. It should be their safe space. Before just dragging a table over to a corner and putting your child there, the teacher should talk to the child, explain why this could help them and encouraging them to try it. Being there should never be a form of punishment and always optional. The child can start the day there and when it is time to get to work, the child should be given the choice to stay there or to sit with the rest of the class, and they will learn what is best for them and surprisingly make good decisions about that. Whenever the child gets overwhelmed or tired, they can return to their safe spot.
    I would first try putting the child next to another person, you can tell as a teacher which children will be good for this.
    Another thing I do is to talk to the child about what they need, do they find it hard to sit still, do they find it hard to focus, whatever it is, and then I turn these into signs. For example, if they want to stand up and walk around, they could put a green pencil on the right corner of their table, the teacher will see it and know they want to walk. I would ask them to get some paper from another classroom, or to return my coffee cup to the sink, etc. A blue pencil could mean they want to talk to you for some reason (also works great for children with autism, who are often scared to ask for help).
    It makes me very sad that many teachers don’t know how to teach children with special needs. Obviously every teacher has their own ideas and techniques, but this just sounds unprofessional to me.
    I see that girl from primary school around town sometimes, and she told me the whole thing was a horrible experience for her. All of primary school. Teachers just did not know what she needed and didn’t care to ask.
    I really hope the teacher will try to see the situation from your perspective and your childs perspective, and make some changes. You could suggest the things I mentioned above, but many teachers may not be open to methods like this. After all, a lot of people, even some teachers, believe that ADHD isn’t real.

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