My Forum Comments
@Rehab F: I’m sorry if this is hard to hear but it must be said. This post is about adhd and your cheating, manipulating, abusive spouse sounds like a narcissist. No need to continue reading about ADHD. Read about narcissism and if there’s any way possible, get out of that abusive marriage. Your children see this behavior and are learning it. It’s MOT ok for your husband to cheat on you when you have a fight or EVER. There’s NO excuse. NONE. And it sure isn’t because he has a learning disorder. Can you get away to save yourself & your children?
I have to jump in here again. I’m an empath with severe ADHD, dovorced from a person with NPD and consider myself a student of all three since I’ve been studying empathy, ADHD and narcissism for nearly 6 years. Despite one of the “words cases of ADHD” my doctor has ever seen, I have no traits of someone with narcissistic personality disorder nor would I ever consider any of the behavior some of you are describing above as ok. What many of you are describing and blaming on ADHD are in fact traits of someone with NPD. They are NOT THE SAME. I cannot stress that enough. While some symptoms may seem similar, they are NOT THE SAME. It is dangerous to dismiss or mislabel the blatant abuse many of you are describing as ADHD. It’s not your fault. NPD is widely undiagnosed (mostly because someone with NPD wouldn’t ever allow that to happen) and there is so little awareness. I certainly had no idea about it before someone told me I was living with one and I started researching. I urge you to please research narcissistic personality disorder as much as you can. NO amount of abuse should be tolerated – for ANY REASON. And just because you’re an empath, that doesn’t mean you have to endure and somehow tolerate any abuse under the guise of being supportive. That’s enabling and nobody benefits in that situation. NPD is a horrific thing to deal with and getting away is the only option to save yourself. It’s a long road but the more you learn, the more powerful you become against it. I’m not saying that every scenario described here is NPD but I am confident that some are. I’m sorry to say this. It SUCKS. If someone is abusing you (which so many of the behaviors above are and I know enough about it to know some of you are telling only half of the story – I’ve been there) do NOT dismiss it. Do NOT assume it’s something you need to change yourself to accommodate. Do NOT think you’re wrong for leaving someone who doesn’t treat you right – for ANY reason. I know this sounds a bit extra but please, if you are with someone who isn’t treating you right, know that just because it may not be their fault – that does not mean it’s yours and that you should have to put up with it for any reason. Be strong friends.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s not fair, nor healthy for you. As empathy, we tend to feel like we can “love someone” out of almost anything and the burden we experience by taking on the feelings of others is often very painful but out of our control as I well know. I think you should take some time to research narcissistic personality disorder. I’m not a doctor but, based on what you’re describing, this goes beyond ADHD. As you read about narcissism, you’ll know if this is something that applies or not. I truly hope it doesn’t but if it does, there’s help out there although societies awareness & acknowledgement of the disorder is almost non-existent. Good luck to you. Just my .02