Allygee05

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  • in reply to: Engaged and on the verge of a breakdown #68414
    Allygee05
    Participant

    Hi everyone!

    I really appreciate everyone’s responses and advice. So we did just get married, and I thought I was going to be a mess on the altar but I was actually calm and only cried while dancing with my Dad. My now husband has been making an effort to keep his temper calmer and control his outbursts. I teach special ed and I am around children with ADHD all day, every day. And it just hit me. We are together because God knows his disability and his issues and I am always extremely patient and understanding, and my now husband knows that. Our wedding day was legit the best day we have ever had together. It was the moment of clarification that I think we both needed. He was stressed at one point over taking pictures and I just took his hand and said, “Ok lets stay calm we got this and we want to remember everything from this day.” And he just looked at me and was like thank you for calming me down. He told me I am his rock. I’m always the calm one and the voice of reason. Do I feel that all of my needs are being met emotionally? No I don’t but thats what therapy is for, for me! Our entire relationship has been so much work and I know marriage will be even more work. As a special ed teacher I will keep working with him to work through his issues, and thankfully he takes me seriously when I give him advice. This forum has made me feel so much better!

    in reply to: Engaged and on the verge of a breakdown #51658
    Allygee05
    Participant

    Thank you ladies for your quick responses. My problem is my fiance does not blame any of his symptoms on his ADHD. He sadly thinks he outgrew ADHD, but I am a special ed teacher and have told him numerous times that he can’t outgrow it and that he displays the symptoms. I truly think that this is why we have lasted so long because I have patience with him like I do my students. I am well aware it is a disbility, but he refuses to get help. He does not think he needs therapy at all. All he does is call me “dramatic” and a “drama queen.” I left him a note the other night that I wouldn’t be home. I checked myself into a hotel and truely enjoyed the alone time and peace and quiet. He did’t appreciate me ignoring his calls, so he called my parents and they called me frantic. All I told them was I am overwhelmed wedding planning and I just needed a break because we’re on each others nerves. I never bad mouth him to my family because they’ll never forget. And now tonight he wont come to my sisters birthday dinner because he doesn’t want to see my parents. His family has terrible communication skills, and when they’re angry they just decide to not speak to each other. My family is the opposite. I let him know last night that I am beyond miserable! That I don’t feel loved and that I would rather be 30 and alone and have to start over, then get married and have a miserable life. I don’t know what else I can do. I feel so embarassed. 9.5 years of dating, and we have to possibly call it quits 4 months before our wedding? HOW PATHETIC AM I?!

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