Allison Russo

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  • in reply to: My husband doesn’t understand my ADHD #40332
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user mosky1941 in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    I think it is interesting that we think we can help someone else when we are barely functioning ourselves. I have provided a couple of replies and find in re-reading my replies, I only wish I could follow some of my own advice. I know it is good advice. Must remind myself I am doing the very best I can. Everything has slowed down for me these past weeks. My office is a mess and I have to force myself into action to get the necessary household activities taken care of. Have been in a lot of physical pain and don’t want to take RX pain pills. Pain has been cause of some of my inactivity, perhaps most of it.

    I read about home treatments and try to get better. I can’t tell now if it is the pain or increase in depression turned into acceptance that this is the way life will always be. My search for happiness has failed and I am beginning to believe it doesn’t exist and those that appear happy are only pretending. What allows a person to be happy? Something special in their makeup, religious beliefs, or perhaps an attitude of SO WHAT what will be will be and move on. I have always been helpful to others but fall short when it comes to helping myself. My life could not be more boring. Being able to write this nonsense is foolish but somehow helpful to get the thoughts out of my head. I suppose it is necessary to vent but the relief is short lived. I see my physician first part of November and my MHNP mid-November.

    All my previous visits tell me I am healthy. Why, then, do I have so much pain and now indifference. I know there isn’t an answer, so I just keep plugging along, one day following my own advice and the next day barely unable to get out of bed. Whatever God intended for me, I feel like I have failed and time is running out. Maybe my only job is to save myself which seems selfish. Wish I could write something cheerful, but can only seem to write when I am discouraged. I pray all of us who suffer from whatever form of Mental Problems, fight as an army for better answers to our problems. mosky

    in reply to: My husband doesn’t understand my ADHD #40331
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user adhdmomma in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Self-harm is common in women with ADHD: https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/10237.html. You need to find better coping mechanisms though. I strongly encourage you to visit your doctor or therapist to get some help.

    Penny
    ADDconnect Moderator, Author on ADHD, and Mom to Pre-Teen Boy w/ ADHD and LDs

    in reply to: My husband doesn’t understand my ADHD #40330
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user mosky1941 in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Marilyn: Thank you for suggesting a new book to read. Books have always helped me in times of crisis. I just saw your reply and am sorry I have been so involved with my own hopeless feelings that I haven’t checked in until now.

    I have resorted to to self inflicted pain which allows me control of at least how much I can tolerate. Because of my age I’m afraid to go back to this way of coping.

    I don’t plan on acting on this impulse but can’t seem to get it out of my mind.

    I keep thinking that if I do it is just a way of giving him even more control over me.

    I’ll keep checking in. Hop to hear more from you. Mosky

    in reply to: My husband doesn’t understand my ADHD #40328
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user loeysmall@aol.Com in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    It is great to hear about someone else who was diagnosed late in life. I am 69 & was diagnosed with ADD & LD in April. I also have hearing loss from measles as an infant. Not only was school very difficult for me, there were a lot of communication problems in my 50 year marriage. Had just found out about ADD shortly before my husband died of

    in reply to: My husband doesn’t understand my ADHD #40321
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user agoldencomet in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Hi there, mosky!

    I am a 68 yr-old woman who was diagnosed with ADHD only four months ago! Now I understand who I was all those years and also why I have been depressed since I was a child.

    I would strongly recommend having some outside support if possible. I have been seeing a cognitive-behavioural therapist and she really helps. For some, a spiritual advisor helps.

    Also I have read Delivered from Distraction by Hallowell and Ratey. Their first “top tip for adult ADD” is “Marry the right person: someone who loves you for who you are” (p 308).

    I would suggest that you also read this book (as it was wonderful) and see if your hubbie would be interested in reading some bits of it so he will understand you better. It would also give you a basis for discussions (however short).

    Don’t be discouraged – he is not the “wrong person” – he just needs some help to become the right one!

    Also, I find humour helps. If I do a clumsy thing, forget something, etc. I call it one of my “ADD moments” with a smile/chuckle.

    And lastly, if you are a country music fan, I just found out that Michelle Wright has ADHD!! She mentions it publicly on stage. So it means that the rest of us addult ADHDers can come out of our closets (our cluttered ones – LOL)!

    Good luck! Stick with the meds if they help!
    Marilyn

    in reply to: My husband doesn’t understand my ADHD #40320
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user John Tucker, PhD, ACG. ADHD Coach in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    No worries, Marianne. The posts are slow to appear and it’s common to see repeats. I’ve done this many times. No one minds this so you need not be concerned.

    I see that by the hearing aid issue you already realize that he is responsible for communicating to you and you are drawing the line. Good for you.

    I am impressed that he relies on you so much. Perhaps it’s not control but need. He values you more than you realize and more than he may care to admit. I sense that you an oasis of calm for him. Think of him as a nervous young man, a little uncertain, a bit of a bull in a china shop. You need to be patient.

    And you are the opposite of a bother. Post as often as you like. Authenticity is more of a blessing than anything else.

    in reply to: My husband doesn’t understand my ADHD #40318
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user mosky1941 in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Thank you for the kind words. I’m trying hard to, at least, appear happy until it happens.

    It’s a challenge to get out on my own as he doesn’t want me to go out by myself. Always wants to be with me. It seems his 1st wife did some things he didn’t like and I am experiencing the “controlling Man” that came out of that marriage. At any rate, I have managed to get away for a few hours about every 2 weeks. He won’t spend money on foolishness like entertainment and going out, so all we do together is sit and watch tv. When I try to talk to him, he can’t hear me as he won’t use his
    $4,000 hearing aids. Also won’t go in to have them adjusted. I finally told him, I was through shouting at him and repeating. If he can’t hear me it’s his problem as he could easily do something about it.

    Don’t feel you have to respond. I don’t want to be a bother. It’s just so nice to have a place to go where others understand. Some situations you just have to figure a way to live with. Best Regards, Marianne

    in reply to: My husband doesn’t understand my ADHD #40317
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user John Tucker, PhD, ACG. ADHD Coach in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    This is a perfect place to find kindred spirits. Welcome aboard.

    In this new relationship you may find he will never totally understand. You will need to forgive him for this and focus attention on the good things about him.

    For you it is important to take care of yourself. If you need meds just take them without a lot of explanation. I gather you have already done that so there’s no point in more explaining.

    He needs to do some things on his own. You need to do some things on your own. The things you enjoy doing together should be confined to things you enjoy or must do.
    And in these sorts of situations a smile can be more effective than words.

Viewing 8 posts - 241 through 248 (of 248 total)