Allison Russo

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Viewing 15 posts - 226 through 240 (of 248 total)
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  • in reply to: Does anyone here talk to themselves? #41046
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user Bob@addventurecoaching.com in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    I am really impressed with the fact that you ask questions. That’s not something we typically do very well. However your first two questions were closed ended and allowed her to give you a one word answer. Your next reply “Well you seem to have a problem with part of it.” Was open-ended and you got the desired result of getting her off your back. You have probably noticed that when people are angry you can’t really talk to them because they are not thinking about what you are saying, instead they are thinking about what they’re going to say to you. If you can cultivate those open-ended questions, sometimes you can bring them back to using their thinking process rather than allowing emotions to control what they say. What I just said is true for everyone and it might sound like I am defending your shift leader, but I find her actions, both as a manager and a person to be unprofessional, ignorant, and bitchy. If you can stay in your head and ask those questions you will be able to control that relationship and deal with this “person”.

    I am sure that I talk to myself out loud a lot more than I am aware of because my girlfriend tells me that I do. And you are correct, it is purely a neurological response to stress. You might also want to read up on Tourette’s syndrome because the general knowledge about this condition is typically wrong. Only a tiny fraction of people with Tourette’s blurt out words like you see on TV. I have Tourette’s but it usually doesn’t show up when other people are around.

    Let me know if my advice about open-ended questions pays off in any way.

    I’m also impressed with your acceptance level of your ADHD and who you are, because we have to accept it and be totally okay with it in order to change other people’s minds and educate them about what it really is. That shows a lot of courage.

    in reply to: Do I tell my supervisor about my ADHD? #41079
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user fivecorners in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Help! I’m really struggling with disclosure at work. I’m in the first ‘100 days since diagnosis’ with adult ADD. I work for a large, unionized Canadian employer. I disclosed to my immediate supervisor and although he was very understanding and continued to “work with me” to help me to decrease my ‘careless’ errors, my coworkers were on the warpath. Ultimately I got written up because of their constant complaining. I was at my wit’s end, thinking I might have a LD. Got tested and the Good news: no LD; the Bad news: ADD. I let only my immediate boss and my union rep know: both suggested I get a copy of the psychologist’s diagnosis placed onto my HR file (to cover my butt going forward).

    I’ve yet to take this step (as everything I read in sites like this advises against it!), but I’m close to doing it and here’s why: I took a new job this week, as soon as I completed a course I started two years ago, that would qualify me to do something more suited to my strengths, with this same employer. I started and completed this course BEFORE I knew I had ADD. I’m now in a new dept with this same large employer and into the huge learning curve that goes with my new role. New supervisor who’s no clue as to my issues, etc. Although I know this job’s more geared to my ‘passion’ than the other, I’m anxious & depressed. Anxious re: my future with it and all of the little careless mistakes I’m sure I will make – and depressed about the others and how they’ll come to resent me and my ‘accommodations’. I’m a single mom, late diagnosis and I need to work.

    in reply to: Desperately struggling with chronic lateness #41031
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user Mariluna in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Any more tips? How do I get past the fact that I JUST DON’T CARE in the morning before I am fully awake? I put my alarm in the kitchen, so I have to get up to turn it off, but inevitably end up back in bed. Eventually I wake up, rush rush rush and race to work late. I don’t WANT to live this way, I KNOW better. Anyone else? Does keeping a chart really work?

    in reply to: Do I tell my supervisor about my ADHD? #41077
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user Shanson1980 in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Good Morning,

    Recently last year I landed the job I always wanted. I always knew I had some major focus issues but I was able to still get my BA and MBA. When I started this Executive Senior Management job I realized things were a lot tougher with how my mind works. I decided to finally seek professional help and was diagnosed with ADHD. Unfortunately it was a little to late for my job. I still have the same job but 3 months into it the CEO left and the two other Senior Executives went on the attack. I lost some job duties and lost 25% of my pay. I am still here because I still really enjoy this job. I also teach as an Adjunct Professor of Marketing at a University.

    The thing is when all the job stuff was taken from me I just sat back and said nothing. I was just informed to listen and that I could possibly earn it back (which is not an options really). Even though I’m really good at keeping a great attitude all of this gives me anxiety and frustration and I don’t know if I should just sit back or say something. Any Ideas?

    in reply to: Desperately struggling with chronic lateness #41030
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user Bob@addventurecoaching.com in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    The key to the change that you seek is first to find one vital behavior that will make the biggest difference such as instituting a launching station (a single place where your wallet and keys go), getting out the door 10 minutes early, or find something nice to do for someone else. The thing that worked for me was that I bring a cup of coffee to my girlfriend as she is getting out of the shower. That gets me up and going every day. The next thing you have to do is to measure how well you are doing meticulously. That is, write down how many times you do it each week. It helps to write it down in a place where you see it constantly. It should be something you really want to do. I hear you when you say that medication has not worked for you in the past however it may be the single most effective thing that you can do by experimenting with the different stimulants and finding the optimal medication option. You must deal with the depression and anxiety perhaps through talk therapy, and you could definitely use a coach. Call me if you want to talk 828-331-8014.

    in reply to: Desperately struggling with chronic lateness #41029
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user ADHDquirk in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Not sure if it is any help, but I use loads of alarms and give myself extra time.

    So, 1 alarm goes of 2hrs before I have to wake up (which I turn off). Then 2 alarm goes off 45mins before I have to wake up (and I turn TV/radio on in bedroom). Then 3 alarm goes off 20 mins before I have to get out of bed (so I can snooze it once). Unfortunately, this could be a problem if you sleep wtih another person…

    I think have an alarm set for 10 mins before I need to leave the house (at which point I’m hopefully getting dressed).

    If I’m getting a carshare to work I have to be downstairs 5 mins before we leave.

    If I’m getting the bus I need to leave 20 mins before it leaves (10 min walk + 10 min incase I forget my phone/wallet/xxx and have to go up stairs 3 times before actually getting out the door)

    in reply to: Desperately struggling with chronic lateness #41027
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user adhdmomma in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    There are some time management strategies specific to those with ADHD:

    https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/935.html
    https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2495.html
    https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/10514.html

    Penny
    ADDconnect Moderator, Author on Parenting ADHD, and Mom to Pre-Teen Boy w/ ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, and LDs

    in reply to: Do I tell my supervisor about my ADHD? #41075
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user Twinkle Toes in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Hey PurpleCat –

    I could have written your post. I was a struggling Project Manager. If only I had known then what I know now!

    I’ve learned to use some GREAT time management tools that would have helped me. You need to get a system in place that works for you. Sounds like you are already on the road to that.

    The first and most helpful thing for me was to admit to myself and then later to the workplace and the world that I was an “odd duck.” I did things differently than others to support my brain and put out quality work. Once I stopped hiding my odd ways I was able to embrace them more. When people laughed at me, I laughed with them. It felt so good to finally be accepted. And by that I mean accepted by ME, not necessarily by anyone else. They all still think I am strange, slow, even inept at times, but I know that I am doing my best and enjoy being me. I now work with my strengths, rather than trying to hide my weaknesses.

    Ultimately I did disclose my ADD and am in the process of seeking accommodations. There are many details that lead to that decision for me. I hope that you will be able to make the best decision for yourself.

    in reply to: Do I tell my supervisor about my ADHD? #41074
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user adhdmomma in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    You do have rights in the workplace: https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/931.html.

    However, most experts advise that you don’t disclose your ADHD at work. It’s better to tell your boss you struggle with a certain task and let them know what accommodation might make you more efficient at it.

    https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/816.html
    https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/8656.html

    Penny
    ADDconnect Moderator, Author on Parenting ADHD, and Mom to Pre-Teen Boy w/ ADHD and LDs

    in reply to: Do I tell my supervisor about my ADHD? #41072
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user Jackie44 in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    I was advised never to disclose my condition to management. Find meds that work and double check your assignments at work. Organization and prioritization is key.. Helped me out tremendously.. I was almost fired 6 months ago because of a mistake that I made. That was a wake up call for me. I had to learn to work with my condition instead of against it. Because of my inattentiveness, I know important task require my full attention. Once completed, I put it to the side and review it again later on in the day just to make sure there are no mistakes.. I always catch at least one mistake but better me than my boss… Good luck

    in reply to: Do I tell my supervisor about my ADHD? #41071
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user Dianne in the Desert in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    In order to invoke the rules around disability laws, you have to have been determined to be disabled by whatever physical or mental problem(s) you have.

    Accommodation under the ADA, you will have to disclose the condition(s) to the employer. You also have to know that you may have an idea solution in mind, but the employer is not obligated to accommodate as you wish; only at the minimal level.

    This is really an HR issue, but disclosing it to HR could present its own problems.

    in reply to: My husband doesn’t understand my ADHD #40338
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user John Tucker, PhD, ACG. ADHD Coach in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Hi LadyDi,

    It is easy to be down on yourself when your heart is under such a determined assault. When husbands feel inadequate a successful wife can be a threat. He may be jealous and afraid of your success. Even if that is not exactly accurate it is worth trying out the idea that he feels badly about himself and doesn’t know how to support you.

    Academically and professionally you are impressive. It would be great if he was jumping up and down and clapping to be connected to such a winner but maybe he’s just scaired.

    Go ahead and sit on the couch and eat and watch TV today; just spend 30 minutes at the gym first.

    in reply to: My husband doesn’t understand my ADHD #40337
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user ladydiwalton in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Thanks for being there. I have been feeling quite “alone”. I am quite depressed and having trouble getting motivated. I am getting to work everyday and managing there (in a great new job that I just started) but after work I cannot seem to get off the couch and do anything. The good thing is that I have been keeping my distance from HIM. We have not been getting along and the arguments were getting more and more heated. He wants me to LISTEN and gets frustrated if I try to explain my position (often he is upset by something that is just a misunderstanding). He gets so angry and ends up yelling at me and calling me names like “neurotic”, “pathetic” and “loser”. I have taken to simply leaving his house when he is in this state because he is so irrational that if I say anything at all he becomes aggressive. I love him but I am kind of disgusted with myself that I don’t respect myself more. I am a terrible communicator (as he has outlined to me often) and I am not able to share my feelings in a way that makes sense to him. He often cuts me off and tells me I am not making sense…..and because he is right I just turn off. I am supposed to be proud of myself because I got this great new job and I got accepted into a Masters Program in the Fall (which I have wanted to do my whole adult life and finally took the action to apply)….When he is angry with me he tells me that I won’t be able to do it (be a success at school). Anyway, my ego is beat up at the moment and the couch potato routine is making it worse. Everyday I pack my gym bag and say that I will go to the gym after work…which I know would make a positive difference…and each day I come home…start eating and turn on the tv and try to tune out because I can’t stand to think about him and what the right thing to do is. I know that I should end it.with him…but I moved across the country to be with him so I should be trying harder….Anyway…

    in reply to: My husband doesn’t understand my ADHD #40334
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user mosky1941 in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    I hear your pain and understand so much more about your feelings as I share them. I have wanted to run away so many times from marriage in the past 2 years (my first at 73) that I have about 8 boxes packed with my personal precious stuff and hidden in the basement. I know I will stay for the long run, but it makes me feel better to do something physical like packing away some of my things.

    Please don’t let this new man in your life destroy you with hurtful comments. Get out and meet new people. Try going to a coffee shop, an ADHD meeting if there is one in your area, Recovery Inc is a possibility, but language is stilted and I was not comfortable there.

    How about a community center or sewing, knitting, craft group to keep your mind occupied with something other that self-blame.

    I still have my self-blame moments but try hard to shake them off and tell myself the past is past.

    Also, I finally know I am not to blame for my ADHD. It can happen to anyone and can run in families.

    I have said “I’m sorry” to my friends and husband so many times in private and in company of friends, that my friends have told me to stop and think about what I am saying and stop saying “I’m sorry”. It becomes a habit after awhile.

    I know in my heart I am doing the best I can.

    I am trying hard to accept myself. Odd, I’m not critical about others, but I’m over-critical about what I think are my shortcomings. When that happens I say to myself “GET OVER IT”

    I hope you stay in the Group. It has helped me so much knowing I’m not alone. Please stay in touch and let me know how you are doing. You are loved just the way you are. mosky

    in reply to: My husband doesn’t understand my ADHD #40333
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user ladydiwalton in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Mosky,

    This is my first post ever. Your posts have encouraged me to write something and I am hoping that it provides me with some relief. I am 45 and diagnosed with ADHD and depression. I am in a new relationship (one year) and he has started saying that he feels sorry for my ex husband because of what he must have had to go through living with me for 15 years. The sadness that I feel hearing that is immense…..because he is probably right. I was married to a wonderful man who loved me….and I couldn’t get it together to love myself and him so I looked for greener pastures. I convinced myself I was courageous and opening myself up to new opportunities when I gave up a marriage, a nice home, a secure job and packed a few things into my car and drove across the country to live with HIM. Now I cry myself to sleep at least once a week in my tiny little apartment.

    Today is a particularly bad day…and I do have many good ones…fantastic ones…but right now I feel overwhelmed with heartache.

Viewing 15 posts - 226 through 240 (of 248 total)