Allison Russo

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 248 total)
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  • in reply to: What about ADHD and menopause? #40308
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user bunnymom in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Menopause for me was sudden, as it coincided with a hysterectomy and diagnosis and treatment for estrogen positive breast cancer. So hormone replacement therapy is out. ADD/LD and anxiety were already a battle. Now it’s a nightmare. Vyvanse no longer works. Lots of exercise before really helped, but now I’m always tired, sleep deprived, developed pre-diabetes, high blood pressure,and high cholesterol. My brain is always in chaos. My vyvanse shrink doesn’t believe adults have ADD, probably because she doesn’t have the expertise. I don’t have the option to change my doctor, due to insurance limitations. Can anyone suggest a med that has been helpful when stimulants no longer work? Found any other good strategies that have worked?

    in reply to: What about ADHD and menopause? #40307
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user Meri in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    My menopause was a nightmare. Time we received public health funding and a proper clinical pathway for treatment accessible to all. Sadly if we don’t advocate for change no-one else will! New Zealand contributes much to the international research on ADHD and yet provides no adult funded public health treatment. Sorry for being political! To end on a positive note…at 57 years of age now I’m content with myself and my self-management of PTSD and ADHD. Self care sucks but I’ve learned to live with it. So time, for me, has afforded me some internal peace. I wish that for you all too. Kia Kaha kai kiti. Be strong and goodbye.( for now)

    in reply to: Young Adult Transition #42028
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user sdhrmom in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Here’s an update: He went back to the city where he was living. The next day he found out his roommate didn’t pay rent, so they’ll be evicted. His roommate has a place to go with family, where my son isn’t allowed. I’m not sure where he will end up, and oddly I’m not worried.

    in reply to: What about ADHD and menopause? #40306
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user wimowo in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    While you may think what you are going through is atypical based on all the same ol’ “what to expect” stuff out there, based on my own experience and accounts from other ADHD women going through menopause, what you are experiencing is pretty textbook for us. Not, mind you, any textbook written by a man without ADHD!! I’m not a doctor, but upping your water intake, and reducing sugar while increasing the healty omga-3 fats in your diet, may help a lot with the migraines and tons of other menopause and ADHD symptoms. At my worst, I had hot flashes that gave me tunnel vision and caused me to literally keel over, and my brain was so non-functional I was convinced it was disintegrating! I also found Vitex to be immensely helpful after trying every remedy under the sun. Now for the good news!! You will emerge from the fires of menopause tempered to some degree into a stronger, more powerful woman with more energy than you had in your 30’s, the convictions to choose what is important to you and the ability to weed out the BS as you take on the renewed, 2nd half of your life. Women, and our bodies, are miraculous! Good health and remember to love yourself every day!

    in reply to: Feeling Like a Failure #40369
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user Nemo in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    It does get better! Middle school is tough under the best circumstances. Remember that our kiddos are 3-4 behind emotionally so while they may be in middle school and experiencing puberty related issues, the rest of them isn’t ready yet. Middle school for my two ADDers was HELL, and that’s putting it lightly. High school was a bit easier, but it’s a long, bumpy road and then they grow up and you remember why you love them.

    in reply to: Feeling Like a Failure #40368
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user cmullen17 in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Penny, thank you. Great advice. He actually has all of those things in place. They reached out to me and suggested the therapist again. I was the one that asked them to put him in the self-contained class room for the remainder of the week.

    He is doing fine academically, it is social stresses. Since we have 2 days of school before spring break, I thought to get him away from whatever is prompting this, he’ll have over a week of vacation. Get him started with the therapist and go from there.

    The school is doing a great job with following the IEP and the BIP. They always reach out when there are issues, they really work with me as a team. It is me feeling overly pressured and upset. I knew therapy was going to come back into the picture again, I guess I was just hoping he wouldn’t need it right now.

    He won’t talk to me, and actually made up an incredibly elaborate lie when I talked to him. So, it is time to get him with someone who he feels he can talk to.

    Thank you so much for your response.

    in reply to: Feeling Like a Failure #40361
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user adhdmomma in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    The stress kids are under in middle school is overwhelming. Add disabilities to the mix and it’s like a pressure cooker. Our cognitive capabilities shut down under stress and anxiety, and our behavior and emotions can go haywire. https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/11630.html

    It sounds to me like he’s in crisis, and crisis behaviors occur when expectations exceed capability. I would ask the school to do a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA) and formulate and implement a resulting Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP). I’d request a full evaluation for services and an IEP if he doesn’t already have those supports. If he does, I’d call an IEP meeting and modify it to better support his current needs.

    As Ross Greene says, “Kids do well if they can.” When a child isn’t doing well, we have to get to the root of the matter and help them succeed. https://www.additudemag.com/RCLP/sub/11396.html

    Penny
    ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    in reply to: Feeling Like a Failure #40360
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user Pump2Duncan in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    It sounds like you’re doing the right things by setting up the appointments and checking on meds.

    My ADHD-er hasn’t reached middle school yet, but my older son is just about to wrap up his 8th grade year. Middle school was H-A-R-D! Everyone warned us, even the principal on back to school night. I never thought it would be that hard for my kid. My kid was the straight A student who never got in trouble, always the teacher’s pet and well liked in every class. Puberty hit and BOOM – everything turned upside down.

    It does get easier. In the meantime, follow the advice of professionals and your gut, stay consistent and find a fellow Middle-School Mom friend to vent too.

    in reply to: Peer-to-peer coaching #42346
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user sara212 in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    WoW!! There seem to be 20 of us or so (probably a few repeats). This is so challenging but I am hoping if we can all just post our emails, then we can get a list together and start a google group. Mine is sarafriedman212@gmail.com. So please send me yours. When I get a few (hopefully 4 or 5) I will send them all back to each of you; we can start a conversation and then form a google group.
    At that point we can all have each other’s emails and

    I tried doing it to each of you privately, but it was too cumbersome. So I look forward to hearing from you. What agreat need we can fill – with some good collaboration.

    Sara

    in reply to: Peer-to-peer coaching #42344
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user GCasey in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    oh my goodness if it’s not too late I would love to participate. 47 yo DX w/ ADD as adult – but I knew it in my first psych class in college but I guess I was too high functioning for a DX when younger.

    Anyhow if we are seeking similar people to reach out to for support – I am childless, early menopause – which really made symptoms worse. I use lots of lists. I love starting things but am terrible at finishing you all know the drill….

    in reply to: Young Adult Transition #42027
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user parentcoachjoyce in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    I know I’ve said a lot already, but I’d like to chime in and say that I love the jointly written contract idea especially if you give him some input; that way he will feel like he has a little more buy-in because he helped create the stipulations.

    In response to some other comments above, I’d like to say that one last thing about the whole “homeless” issue. I understand that to some parents, telling their ‘adult child’ to leave is a “line they would never cross”. I get it; that’s up to each individual parent to decide. All I’m saying is this: WHATEVER consequences you state in your stipulations, it’s important that you be emotionally and physically prepared to follow through. If you are not, then don’t make it a consequence. It’s much worse to not follow through on an ultimatum than to fail to set one to begin with.

    (And I think it’s worth mentioning that there are a lot of ways you can “help” an adult child that don’t involve having him live in your home. Sometimes living together is just not a good idea anymore for either of you, and that’s okay.)

    But in situations like the one we’re commenting on where an adult child leaves and then wants to come back, the bottom line to keep in mind is this: once a child turns 18, you no longer have a legal obligation to put a roof over his head. Therefore, after a child turns 18, he needs to realize that living with you is a privilege, not a right. That means you get to decide things for your house and your living environment, like—levels of cleanliness (and odor!), how people are treated, etc.—and he gets to decide if the pros of having the privilege to live there outweigh the cons of having to make some changes in order to meet your stipulations, or the cons of having to couch surf or whatever.

    One of the most important things you can do for your child at any age, regardless of whether or not they have ADHD, is to allow him to learn that his choices and decisions have consequences (good and bad).

    Joyce Mabe
    Parenting Coach, mom of adult son with ADHD, author

    in reply to: Young Adult Transition #42026
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user adhdmomma in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    I would sit down and write up a contract with him—what you expect from him and what he can expect from you. You can stipulate that he must get ADHD treatment in order to remain at home. And maybe a job or enrollment in school. And he can expect from you a roof over his head, support and help with his ADHD, treating him like an independent young adult, etc. This will show him that you’re on his side, but that he will have to do what is necessary to be a pleasant part of the household/family.

    Here’s a great article on this as well:
    http://www.additude.com/adhd/article/11772.html

    Penny
    ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    in reply to: Young Adult Transition #42025
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user najn in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    Hi sdhrmom,

    I understand your feelings. You don’t want to see your son homeless. I can put all kinds of limits but I would never allow my son to be homeless. I may not be as strong as I should be or as smart as I should be, but a son of mine wouldn’t end up on the street unless I have no way to keep him off the street.

    To me, that is a line that I will not cross no matter what specialist with how many degrees says so. However, I would set other rules and use other bargain chips.

    I relaxed my demands as much as I could so that I could focus in the most important expectations.
    Even if I don’t like it, he takes a shower, cleans his room, etc., when and if he wants. I just settle for the common areas like the kitchen, the family room, etc., where he has to keep tidy and help with the chores that keep the house going.

    In my case, I want my son to stay out of addictions, avoid violent behaviors (he is very strong and he needs to be careful not to damage things or people), and eventually become a productive and self sufficient adult.

    My son’s behavior since he became 18 until he became 22 was pretty much what you just described. Doing nothing besides playing video games, not caring about school, etc.

    Now he is 24 and he works hard. He has understood the practical value of dressing properly and doing his laundry or keeping his bedroom fairly free of garbage or dirt or mess. It may take a life time, but we are all learning throughout or entire lives.

    Also, now that he works he gets more respect from people. He used to be embarrassed by questions about his education or occupation because he had nothing to show, and those kinds of questions are very normal when our social circle is adults more or less my age that have children more or less his age.

    He understands now that his income makes our lives better. He is saving for his studies, and he has put aside enough money for his tuition for a tech training that pays better than his current job and will allow him to save for the university.

    However, I speak to him every day. I let him see my point of view. For example, no matter how hard I try, I won’t last forever, and he has to become self sufficient way before I am gone.

    I have my own issues too. I am not perfect, but I can tell he is growing and improving even if it takes time.

    in reply to: Young Adult Transition #42023
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user sdhrmom in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    He was in counseling and was medicated from age 3-18. I did ride him every single day about homework. He’s watched his sister graduate with honors, full scholarships. She rode him every day too. He would not bring homework home. He said it was stupid and a waste to get a diploma (I have a masters degree, and he sees where it got me). He was independent with medication, knew it worked. He slid through his senior year in a school that didn’t care (and no option to send him anywhere else until we moved). The day he turned 18 he stopped meds and counseling. Started his new school in August and it was even worse than before. It is like he has a “rules don’t apply to me” attitude. he still thinks he did nothing wrong in all the jobs he had and it was always bad managers.

    Joyce, thank you. #2 is where we are. This is what led to him leaving in January. We told him education or he’s paying rent or out the door. He left in the middle of the night that night. I watched him beg for help from family (who didn’t give in) and stumble a lot. He now says life kicked him in the *$$. Thank God for that realization.

    I hope he gets the help he needs. Or once again, he’ll be out. We only texted each other during his time away, and that wasn’t often. that seems to work best for us. I think I’ll type up some rules today before he arrives.

    Oh and I plan to call and get some counseling for myself, hopefully my husband will attend some as well.

    in reply to: Young Adult Transition #42021
    Allison Russo
    Keymaster

    This reply was originally posted by user Pink ginger in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

    I’m sorry you are going through this. My son turned 18 last summer. He graduates in June high school. He got accepted to UCLA. My husband worked with him or on him since 6 grade, we got him therapy then cause he was depressed in a gifted school and didn’t have friends. We would be on him daily to do homework study cause his ADHD made him very lazy. In high school he made friends and seemed happier. He is very smart but can be lazy. He got all A’s in high school but like I said we rode his a$$ about it. Finally in 12 grade he started to mature and now does his work without us telling him to. And taking his medicine daily on his own. My advice to you would be to ride him, nag to get a job and start taking medication so he can focus. Maybe get him therapy too . Good luck

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 248 total)