AdeleS546

My Forum Comments

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 55 total)
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  • in reply to: How much fruit is too much? #186598
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    I eat 2 servings of fruit a day. I’ve done this while following the Weight Watchers program, and when I don’t follow the program.

    in reply to: Making brushing my teeth fun #186199
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    Parent Recommended Toothbrushes for Sensitive Kids

    Toothbrushes for Sensitive Kids

    This article is directed at children with ADHD, but it might be helpful.

    in reply to: Making brushing my teeth fun #185977
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    It is good to hear that you brush your teeth even though you find the task revolting and boring.

    My fiance and I have been together for five years. He has ADHD and I do not. Within the last year or so he has basically given up on brushing his teeth. It has gotten worse with the pandemic as he no longer has to go outside of his home to work. Since he doesn’t have to go into the office he doesn’t have to brush his teeth. Because of this his teeth are literally rotting out of his head.

    In the last few weeks he has started to brush them again. It is unfortunate but there’s nothing I can do about it I rarely kiss him anymore because his breath is so nasty. I know this isn’t only an ADHD thing it’s a guy thing or it can be. My ex-husband had nasty breath to he would only brush his teeth in the morning before going to work. He also smoked a pack and a half of cigarettes a day and drink coffee all day long and expected me to be receptive when he leaned in to kiss me.

    • This reply was modified 8 months ago by AdeleS546.
    in reply to: Too much arguing, will it change? Adhd boyfriend #185003
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    Nothing will change unless her boyfriend owns his behavior. No amount of patience is going to make him behave differently.

    in reply to: Too much arguing, will it change? Adhd boyfriend #185001
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    Will it change? It will only change when he owns his behavior and you see lasting change. It might happen it might not. Only you can decide how much you were willing to put up with. Are you willing to spend the next 5, 10, 15 or 20 years of your life with someone who may never change?
    Go to the ADHD effect on marriage website and read the posts. There are many “Nons” who post on the site about some of the problems you are describing. For some of them things have gotten better, for some of the couples 30 years later they’re still dealing with the same thing.

    • This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by AdeleS546.
    • This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by AdeleS546.
    in reply to: Sister w/ ADHD, I'm out of patience and she thinks I'm selfish #184305
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    Your sister should seek out the help of a cognitive-behavioral therapist. The therapist can help her figure out a way to remember to do things. To develop a plan to become organized so that she’s not late getting out the door. My fiance developed a system with the help of a BT. He is very organized for the most part, and is rarely late.

    It is not up to you to do things for her you are correct. She is a grown woman, and by doing all these things for her you are just enabling her.

    Boundaries need to be set. On the website the ADHD effect on marriage, there is a “Non” ADHD spouse who comments that he does the exact same thing when it comes to his wife. They often drive separately when they have to go somewhere, because she’s not organized enough to leave on time and he wants to be punctual.

    What could happen if you do this? It will force her to be accountable for her actions and she will eventually get with the program and figure out a way to organize herself. Leave on time or else she will continue to be late and that will be on her.

    in reply to: Did I do something wrong? #182371
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    I don’t think the posters wife was being pushy. She was trying to be spontaneous and fun. There clearly was a misunderstanding and poor communication on both sides I do agree.

    In all marriages, both parties have to remember who they are married to and adjust accordingly.

    in reply to: New Relationship Hyperfocus does it return? #180684
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    Whether it is a relationship where one partner has ADHD and one does not, a relationship between two neurotypical people, or relationship between two people with ADHD, it is the same.
    Both partners have to show interest and cultivate interest not just the non-partner. If you wish to be pursued, then be sure you are worthy of pursuit. Take care of yourself and keep yourself up.
    I don’t think the same high intensity level of attention comes back. His practically being obsessed with me 5 years ago has not returned and I don’t expect it to. That said, the interest is still there for both of us or we wouldn’t be together.

    • This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by AdeleS546.
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    • This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by AdeleS546.
    • This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by AdeleS546.
    in reply to: Non ADHD Spouse – What can I do? #180493
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    How do I stay close with someone who is not mentally present for most of the time?

    That is a good question, one that I cannot answer in my current relationship. My fiance and I live in different towns, separately, until my daughter graduates from High School in 2021. Staying close is not a problem at the moment, because we don’t live together. Also, I may have different expectations for relationships, due to past abuse from my ex husband. He mostly ignored me unless he wanted food or sex.
    There is a poster on the ADHD Marriage site ” c ur self “, that said what finally worked for him was not enabling his wife and living like she doesn’t exist. He leaves her to her own devices. He has learned to let go, told her he was done with the marriage, and as a result she is taking more responsibility and comes to him and wants to spend time together. Granted, they have grown children….

    As far as parenting is concerned, I have never parented children with an ADHD partner. My fiance has a 30 year old daughter from a previous relationship, and she has ADHD also. My ex husband didn’t have ADHD.

    • This reply was modified 10 months, 2 weeks ago by AdeleS546.
    in reply to: Non ADHD Spouse – What can I do? #180418
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    Have you checked out the Website, the ADHD effect on marriage?
    There are some good tips/suggestions for what has worked for other Nons.

    One tip that seems to come from the majority of site members is this…

    Your husband has to develop his own system for remembering/completing tasks, etc. Only he can come up with something that will work.

    Here are some of the comments :
    1) if we make our spouses “our projects” then we have loads more trouble coming, and 2) It’s impossible to change another human, they only change when THEY see the need to…Just like everyone else…..

    Another piece of advice from a man whose wife has ADHD:
    Most areas of life that is dysfunctional, can be helped by placing boundaries, it can limit the chaos and conflict that you may be experiencing now….Warning! It may take a while for the boundary to be respected, my wife was so spoiled (by me) that she was angry when I stopped the enabling, and held her accountable for control and manipulations attempts.

    There are many posts on this website that will show you what worked for others.

    AdeleS546
    Participant

    I could never stay with a man who couldn’t be faithful to me, who constantly lies and hides things. If I can’t trust my partner than what do I have?

    In every relationship things become comfortable between the parties involved, which often leads to complacency. You have to decide if you are willing to put up with him chasing that new shiny thing to a fill a void in his life.

    Him having ADHD is not an excuse to cheat. Unless he is willing to accept responsibility for his behavior and is willing to change, not just say he’s going to, marrying him won’t make things any easier.
    He has to show you with actions and there has to be lasting change in order for you to believe it.

    Trust is a terrible thing to lose in someone and it is hard to get it back.
    Flirting with other women & hiding things from you is not right and you know this.

    I have been with my ADHD partner for five years and he hasn’t cheated and neither have I

    • This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by AdeleS546.
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    • This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by AdeleS546.
    • This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by AdeleS546.
    • This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by AdeleS546.
    • This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by AdeleS546.
    in reply to: New Relationship Hyperfocus does it return? #179794
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    I have been with my now fiance for five years. The Hyper-focus phase swept me off my feet and spun my head around. He loves me and I love him and we do have a good relationship. The hyper-focus phase is gone and I don’t expect it to return. From what I read in the ADHD effect on marriage and on the website with the same name, the hyper Focus does not come back. It is the nature of many people with ADHD to be attracted to the next new shiny thing.
    That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you, it means that he is possibly easily distracted. For instance, when I first met my fiance he was fixated on sailing. He had a sailboat and a YouTube channel to which he would post sailing blogs. He stopped sailing almost two years ago now when he became a homeowner and has other things to occupy his time.
    By the way, my fiance and I do not live together. I have a teenage daughter and need to stay put until she graduates next year.

    • This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by AdeleS546.
    • This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by AdeleS546.
    • This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by AdeleS546.
    • This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by AdeleS546.
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    I think the original poster is asking what she can do to get her soon-to-be EX to come back into the children’s lives and be a parent. Whether they stay together or whether they divorce they have children together and he needs to step up and be a father to them. Sounds like she is overwhelmed because she’s going to school and taking care of the children.
    Perhaps she does not have family nearby that could help her with the children.

    • This reply was modified 10 months, 4 weeks ago by AdeleS546.
    • This reply was modified 10 months, 4 weeks ago by AdeleS546.
    • This reply was modified 10 months, 4 weeks ago by AdeleS546.
    in reply to: How to Use the ADDitude Forums #178810
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    I have the same issue with another ADHD website blog. I go back into my post, hit backspace and erase everything I’ve typed and in its place I type ERROR.
    This is the only way I have found to get rid of a post.

    in reply to: How to not get bored of your husband!? #178263
    AdeleS546
    Participant

    Even in marriages between two people who don’t have ADHD, becoming a bit complacent and “bored” with eachother happens. You need to plan to do things together that will keep things interesting, for both of you. Marriage isn’t always effortless and easy.

    • This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by AdeleS546.
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 55 total)