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  • A-Hörnchen

    Dear sleepycircles,

    just reading your posting I can feel your pain and exhaustion and wish to communicate to you that you’re being seen and heard & I empathize even though it be on a limited scale.

    Going off of my personal experience of a time of extreme exhaustion and poor health, the best advice I have is to split the days ‘to do’s’ into manageable chunks. Manageable to you, that is off course. And after each of those, to recharge a bit in whatever way works for you.

    Personally, I work best with “analog systems” like a timer, notebook etc. .

    Don’t give in, dear sleepy and feel hugged.
    Oh, I hope my English is readable. If not, let me know so I can correct myself and make it easier for you!

    Best wishes,

    in reply to: Light sensitivity and disorientation in day. #174481

    The Ritalin might not work right or give you side effectsbecauseof your lack of sleep. Certainly, I experience symptoms such as the ones you describe under a “bad nights sleep”.

    Why even take the meds at night – every night?!
    Sounds a bit like misuse to me, honestly. But I obviously don’t have all the information here.

    in reply to: I get frustrated with fake adhd #142168

    Hi there, @iforgeteverything and @all a little heads up: I sincerely apologize for my English and hope you’ll still be able to follow me; I’m not a native speaker.


    Thanks so much for starting this discussion! I actually “came here” debating on whether or not to open up this exact same topic and if yes, where on earth would I even put it exactly!?

    First, the obvious caveats:
    I’m not a “professional” in any field – let alone one relevant to our topic, such as psychology, psychiatry,neurobiology or neurology.

    Therefore, I’m very obviously not qualified to assess or diagnose anyone for/with anything.

    I have, however, done a fairly substantial amount of personal research and talked to a lot of different people since my official adulthood diagnosis of severe ADHD of the combined type in March 2015.

    My own experience is very similar to what you describe here.

    There seems to be a sudden inflation of diagnosis, especially in pretty successful, “high functioning” individuals who at some point develop symptoms like those/similar to those of ADHD which were however never present during their childhood and yet, they get a diagnosis based off of the assumption of their being intellectually gifted (though, again, most never actually get tested for that kind of thing…) and thus supposedly mostly capable of somehow “compensating” the normally pretty obvious, often downright debilitating actual, real life- symptoms of the disorder.

    Personally, being squarely in the .1 percentile range has helped me diddly-squat so far… me too: just barely got my secondary education, never actually came through training for any one job in spite of several attempts, still can’t “manage” even living in my own place, on my own…

    So, yeah. But then again, I AM kind of smart so, I’ve got that going for me. *snicker*

    One particularly off-putting side effect of this “trend” being the whole “positive sides of ADHD” … movement for lack of a better term…

    Okay, so,um,PEOPLE have positive traits,strengths, virtues etc; a disorder can force you to develop coping strategies that you wouldn’t have developed otherwise and if you can look at it a certain way, its challenges can truly help you grow as a person so on but guys, ADHD is a DISORDER. It’s NOT a gift.
    You can be a wonderful person IN SPITE of ADHD, NOT because of it!

    The other pretty seriously problematic development is to increasingly write off (formerly) core ADHD symptoms to completely different disorders in order to include the ones without those problems within the ADHD-Spectrum.

    And it’s this development that really tends to hurt me personally the most because I feel and AM increasingly isolated because of it, so I’m right there with you, dear @iforgeteverything and it’s starting to seriously get under my skin and make me unbelievably angry.

    Now, I’m not saying that the “less severe cases” or cases of something else entirely don’t have problems that need to be addressed, mind you! That is not my point in all of this!

    I do think, however, that the professionals involved need to do their homework way better than they are right now because getting misdiagnosed helps precisely nobody!

    Best wishes,


    in reply to: Struggling with Loneliness #113382

    Dear Skypark,
    you have in this very post answered your own question,defined your expressed problem, if you will.

    The issue is one of attitude and expectations or standards, not one of genuine inability in the social arena, misunderstanding or sending/giving off counterproductive “vibes“ [nonverbal communication or body language] alone.

    I emphasize this bc most often in truth the latter actually leads to the former and the combination of both eventually make the individual miserable.

    But I digress.

    On a more helpful note:
    One way to try and get out of this auto – isolation (as I have come to label it) is to begin to challenge or question yourself on specific points of your own statements.

    An example:
    You write that you absolutely can and/or will not tolerate socializing with anyone lacking “intelligence“.

    Now, what would [most likely] be your reaction if, for instance, I were to declare right here and now my absolute unwillingness to continue communication with you bc those 2 texts of yours I’ve just read have decided me as to an absolute lack of intelligence – as I personally prefer to define it – on your part.

    Obvious questions?
    How do you define intelligence? What’s the “minimum IQ required“ for socialization with you? Is this an arbitrary line you draw? Or else, can you trace and ideally rationally defend both its origin and placement?

    Can you see how even just this one point might induce other people to view you as arrogant and thus unfit for close relations or at least fairly unpleasant company?

    Do you sincerely WISH to change this?

    The same kind of “drill“ could then be enacted with regards to the term “conscientious“.

    One possible solution to [part of] the dilemma

    How about creating an outer and an inner circle of friends and acquaintances [ a bit like we read of Christ Jesus having acted throughout the New Testament (the triumvirate – consisting of Peter, John and James; the Twelve – consisting of all the apostles and so forth! :-)] as a method of, well, kind of including both your higher standards AND opening yourself up to a greater variety of different people at the same time!

    Ugh. And now, I ‘ve just lost my train of thought.
    I will therefore have to get back to you. That is, off course, if you’re interested in my further relating more or less helpful tips and hacks tested during the past 36 plus years.

    Additionally I sincerely hope that my straightforward way of “calling the beast by its name“ did not in any way hurt or insult you for that has very definitely NOT been my intention!

    Aaron 🙂

    in reply to: New here and just diagnosed with ADHD #92409

    Hey Joshua, so wonderful to have you here!!
    Within regards the books I can personally “only” recommend 2 (two):

    “When someone you love has ADHD” and “Managing (or was it Handling??!) ADULT ADHD – the ” Singles’ Version” of the first one, I guess 😉 – both authored by internationally renouned Professor R. A. Barkley of the UC!

    In my mind, his books are among those very few, indeed, VERY, very few works one may actually read through from cover to cover not bumping into fictitious Setups, non-existant “blessings” ferociously defended virtually DROWNING in artificial,superficial FEELINGS & EMOTIONS one could not RUN let Aline HIDE from … Just like it is in the entire remainder of this world!!!

    Anyhow. Please, do feel absolutely at home here within US dear Josh! We’ll be praying for you!


    Aaron “Steamroll” L.


    Since you obviously prefer it the straightforward way:

    Before ever going to See your Psychiatrist about this “issue”, I strongly recommend working on your attitude towards your fellow men & women BC if you don’t, no pill is going to ” help” as in “fix” the problem. The vast majority of people react in a very positive way to ackknowledgement, appreciation (of their individuality, talents, interests…yes,that’s right!;) )… AND- last but not least- respect!

    Once you have those basics largely covered, you can move on to the secondary stuff (meds n stuff).

    p.s. have you eher considered having yourself checked out for something from within the autism spectrum? Just a thought.:-)

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by A-Hörnchen.
    in reply to: Diagnosis #81226

    Actually, the whole idea of “diagnosis per meds” is, I’m sorry to have to say it so clearly, just BS squarred! Problem no1 is the simplest and most OBVIOUS ONE! What about the non responders?! Oh, people, go See real, serious doctors, not just the ones who’ll give you the diagnosis and THE MEDS!! you WANT!

    Btw: Attention is supposed to be tested the way described and a REAL ADHD’ER would NOT NEED additional distraction BC the excercises you mention are of such nature AS is virtually IMPOSSIBLE for “our kind;)” to solve due to the problems involving executive functions, i.e. in this case referring to working memory (mental math excercises! Im possible with a weak working memory!!

    I sincerely recommend you read and listen to as much of material written /given by Prof. R. A. Barkley and leave Mr. “Amen” (seriously?) alone for the time being. He has yet to bring ANY scientific proof for his absurd hypothesis whatsoever! According to one of his “Tests”, I would have to suffer from TWO of the seven types he makes room for that are in fact diametrically opposed from one an other. All those many, many types are there only so that even more people who otherwise would have NEVER gotten the diagnosis, are somewhat magically made into “the NEW real ADHD’ERS”!!

    OH MAN, just thinking about this makes me sick…

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by A-Hörnchen.
    • This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by A-Hörnchen.
    • This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by A-Hörnchen.
    • This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by A-Hörnchen.
    in reply to: Take Responsibility #81225

    Thank you! This was the soft nudge in my …backside..;)).plus the encouragement I needed today. With me, right now, severe clinical depression is JUST now beginning to lift, I’m seeing our beautiful home’s mighty, hot sun today for the first time in … dear God of Heaven, I can’t even REMEMBER when was the last time I saw our wild star! Terryfying….

    Anyway…with quite some “issues”, inhereting rather ” Bulky family luggage” to supposedly (so was the family’s wish +plan!) carry around with me,and finally DIE,accepting my forefather’s debts, evil deeds,tradition and such.

    Now, although I am a well known friend + proponent of the honest word, clarity and true direction, it did truthfully, take me a longer while to be able to sort of digest the kind of caring, loving clear and uncompromisory honesty, as I just stumbled into reading this thread top to bottom seemingly “by coincidence”! 😉

    Thank God NOW I CAN face such adressess and not only that: I’m left profoundly moved and substantially encouraged to go ahead, to keep fighting even when at times I feel I must relent and the enemy of my precious soul I believe to be already crouching in the shadows surrounding me!

    Thank you especially @ you, Patrick for not keeping quiet, even at the very real risk of a ginormous shit storm and going ahead explaining in greater detail your intention as well as the content of the important text.

    Again- Thank you very much! (sais my own heart & soul!)

    in reply to: Struggling with ADHD as an adult. #81223

    Uhm, yeah…nope!
    ADHD IS definately a deficiency – the term “defect” really does ring pretty extreme, doesn’t it? But it IS a defecit as well as both a neurobiological and a clinically “detectable” disorder which can be discovered,evaluated and statistically upheld.
    Like most other disorders of both mind and body it can be found in varying degrees or levels of severity or intensity according to both culmination and quality of the afforementioned symptoms!

    The mere fact that, right now (in time or history that is!) it’s more or less common practice to positively diagnose even those who, “normally”, that is by virtue of all currently valid diagnostic systems, should not be receiving such a label,doesn’t change the objective,objectivelly TRUE FACTS! Unless, off course, WE let it happen! As of now, ” we” as a group of ADHD’ERS with – attenzione!!;))- clinically relevant symptoms defined by their hindering the person, inhibiting or perhaps even PREVENTING the individual suffering thereof from taking an active, individially (subjectively!;))fullfilling part, or role in their own society!

    This is in actuality the “level” from which on up there would be a diagnosis given out of either MCD, or HKS/AD(H)S or ADS+H. It’s very easy to find the individual blank sheet with the information important to me, or, right now I guess it would be “us”. Anyone interested can just guugëll MCD/HKS! The symptoms are still fundamentally the same, it’s merely the intensity and/or the QUALITY which differs.


    Well honestly, I think it may just be that everyone here has has to face this kind of Situation one way or an other!

    It’s the SPECIFICS which make this type of little background “story” worthwhile!

    Up until about 3 to four years ago I,too,could be heard relating stories or rather, experiences, (my personal, completely emotional and thus certainly judgemental) OPINIONS to whomever would stand still close to me long enough for me to talk to them!;)

    Entrance Ritalin (Adult).
    That changed almost everything for me.
    Now, I know, this might be hard to believe but I would ASK you to,for the time bring,take my word for it. Please. Thank you very much!

    Since then I’ve come to realize that I am not and most certainly never was THE most talented driver north of the equator :D. Sometimes, I was saved only by my fellowmen who prevented catastrophy. One that I would surely have wrought upon all of us then on the road!

    My lack of impulse controll endangered more then one other driver and even my own family wasn’t save from me when it came to driving and extremely high speed!

    So, I WAS special, indeed. But definately not in the way I’d always thought of myself!!

    The remainder of the unbelievable arrogance I cultivated during those times between puberty and young adulthood actually only just “left me” as soon as I turned 31. Luckily, it’s NEVER returned to this very day!

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by A-Hörnchen.
    in reply to: ADD and denial? #51115

    First of:
    I am sorry, dear Anne,but among all your wonderfuly empathic writing and sensitive advise, this one statement of yours just makes the hair in the back of my neck stand up straight…

    With ADHD,you can definately completely forget even important things and forgetfulness actually is one of the primary symptoms of ADHD inattentive type.
    Certainly, the Big Ones with regards to fotgetfulness are more rare than ye olde “Last week,I actually found my Smartphone in the fridge after putting groceries away“…but it does happen.

    Bezüglich der Symptomatik des Herren der Schöpfung:
    Für mich klingt das deutlich nach einer Person mit einer Autismus-Spektrum-Störung im sog. “Gott-Modus“

    Thats all, folks!!

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by A-Hörnchen.
    • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by A-Hörnchen.
    in reply to: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice #51113

    I swear to God, I DID have a specific POINT in mind, when I started writing. I’m truly sorry. Working on it!<strong

    in reply to: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice #51112

    I beg your pardon but I strongly believe, the two of you are simply an ill match and deeply miserable (emotionally).

    Oh, and (at the very least, though probably not…) one of you, happens to suffer from a neuro – biological disorder, which, sadly;-) , is neither an invention nor spontaneosly disappears when a person turns…18 mostly, correct?

    As a relatively grounded, rational 35 – year-old man who-owing to severe ADHD of the combined type,actually cannot support himself like any adult should do I find it increasingly unnerving to see and hear what kind of rude, cold, borderline sociopathic behavior- at times actually caused by a BPD- is being blamed on ADHD, sadly!! using correct and complete listings of (potential) symptoms and all too often I read of said behavior being tolerated, even when its long past bearable.

    Interestingly,in my personal experience, whenever the diagnostic process is conducted by a “traditionalist“, setting aside newer theories that are,as of yet,unfounded, while thouroughly covering more “traditional“ areas of -diagnostic- interest i.e.

    1. level of activity:over-or under-developed motor cortex;hyper or hypo-activity…with symptoms apparent from early childhood on- since kids, however smart, cannot compensate for all those deficits…when adults barely can!!!

    2. impulsivity: pronounced lack/weakness of impulse-control on any and all of the following areas:a) difficulty or factual inability to suppress, regulate or suspend a reaction to emotional stimulus;
    b)difficulty (add. see above!) regulating an impulse to act [right now!!] following any inter- or ex-ternal stimulus…starting from childhood, off course;-)

    3. Attention/Inattention:difficulty to willingly, timely,and specifically- according to reason, insight of neccessity and/or according to an established plan direct ones active attentive faculties, often [falsely and often tragically!] believed to hinge on “interest“ or “motivation“ while in actual fact painfuly independent of such manipulative premeditations and calculations and rather frustatingly random, irrational,destructive even, popping up for absolutely no rhyme or… ,well, reason…difficulty following and/or reproducing any given order along with the associated consequences…;-)

    4. Varied symptoms- associated mainly with two of ADHD’s predecessor diagnoses M(inimal)C(erebral)D(amage)=(ADD)
    H(yper)K(inetic)D(isorder)/HKS~same in German: pronounced deficiency in motor skills to the point of dyspraxia,(severe) dis-organisation,apparent forgetfulness…and some other things…

    …anywho…people who underwent a more… traditional diagnostic process, often several years ago, tend to exhibit a more severe manifestation or form of ADHD whereas people with very late, and that is also bstrong> recent diagnosis, tend to be less handicapped in their everyday-life with ADHD. And that normally includes employment of some sort.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by A-Hörnchen. Reason: trying to find my initial point...*looking around,twiggling thumbs*
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