February 8, 2020 at 3:40 pm #141451Nathalie P.Participant
I have some trouble with work. At every job I had until now I had the problem of not noticing when people are mad at be for not doing tasks the way they want to when they don’t directly say it. That causes problems because normally few months later it comes out when there is so much trouble caused that the situation is already bad. I also have the feeling of making the wrong decisions and giving up too easily with difficult tasks.
I really need some advice on how to improve so I can avoid further problems.
Thanks for your recommendations
February 10, 2020 at 9:38 am #141455HacksheeParticipant
Hi Natalie P. You’re super hard on yourself. That is typical for adults with ADHD. Because I was diagnosed at such a young age and now in my 50’s, I don’t let work mistakes get to me. If someone says something, normally I would answer…I never make the same mistake twice…..I make it 5, 6, and 7 times just to be sure!! I try to keep a sense of humor about it and that seems to relax the people around me. I get the feeling that you may not like your job. I’m certainly not telling you to quit, but is there a passion that you have? Most of us with ADHD have at least one strength that is completely off the charts and we love doing it. There are ways of doing what you love and it makes a big difference. However, I know this doesn’t answer your question. I think:
1. They are getting a vibe from you that you won’t stand up for yourself. If there is something that isn’t being explained to you properly or in a way you don’t understand…show them how you learn. It takes two seconds. For me, I have to actually do the act myself not watch it and If it’s something written down I would tell them I need it step by step. Years ago, I had a part-time job and boss that was a complete idiot. I told him “this is how I learn. You will get the results that you want and need but I need it step by step. When he said something nasty about ADHD, I picked up my phone pretending to call an attorney. That shut him up real quick because there are laws in place for people that have ADHD and they take it very seriously. I know that many will disagree with me on this but I take Adderall to help me complete tasks and keep me motivated. As far as making the wrong decisions….well, I have made some doozies! Now, I write it all on paper before making a decision. I don’t know if this helps. I hope so. Good luck and maybe a support group?
February 10, 2020 at 2:41 pm #141611Nathalie P.Participant
I really love my job and the work with people, I only have trouble with colleagues because they think that someone who was able to gain many academic degrees should be able to “see these things”. That’s a problem that comes up so often.
February 10, 2020 at 3:20 pm #141619quietlylostParticipant
One thing I’d say is that it’s important to teach our coworkers about our needs and our limitations. It can seem risky at work to talk about areas that you’re not good at, but most employers and coworkers are all about getting the best work they can out of the team they have. So, it can mean having some conversations with your coworkers to help them understand what you need from them.
For example, “In the past you’ve let me know that things I’ve done haven’t been up to standard or have made you frustrated. It would really help me if you could let me know as those things happen. If I do something that either makes someone upset or isn’t what people were looking for, I need real time feedback in order to address it. I’m not the best about guessing when people are unhappy, so it’s always better for people to just be direct so that I can help fix it or at least try to.”
That may not be appropriate for what is actually going on in your current situation.
The other thing I’ll say is that sometimes we assume a lot about other peoples’ behavior. We assume that they’re angry with us, and when they give us feedback down the road we take feedback as negative criticism rather than just feedback. We ascribed emotion to what people say when they aren’t always feeling that way. It can be helpful to do some reality testing and clarify. “When you say _____, I just want to clarify. Are you made about ____ or am I misinterpreting that?”
Work relationships and making coworkers happy is hard. It’s never your job to make other people happy, but you can lessen the stress you have to deal with if you help improve communication with the people you interact with every day. Again, most employers and work teams want to get along and get the best work possible out of everyone. Usually we can help each other do that once we get better at communicating.
February 15, 2020 at 11:47 pm #142130wilinusaParticipant
I am newly diagnosed with Adult ADHD and just started Adderall and it is helping me understand many of the answers to issues I have had in the past and still experiencing.
I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. I work in Healthcare and needless to say focus and attention is extremely important. I have one particular co worker that I can’t seem to manage myself around. She is loud, distracting and overall obnoxious to work with. She is that employee that sucks the air out of the room when she is around. I have lost my temper with her several times and just try my best to ignore her. It seems I am hyper focused on her distractibility. Now I just try to shut myself in an office to help. But, I can still hear her.
Not sure if adjusting my medication will help with this or not. I have talked to her directly and she doesn’t seem to understand that her behavior is a problem.
Any advice would be appreciated!
February 21, 2020 at 6:25 pm #143133ShellParticipant
I am also starting to have work problems. I am a nurse in a small office. I work closely with another medical assistant (who insists its the same thing as a nurse and is more experienced than I am even though she is 20 years younger). I have been there almost 2 years more. She wants to change every process if its something she cant remember. We get a long ok most of the time, but lately I am having a hard time holding my tongue. Somehow she has manipulated the doctor into thinking she is just amazing. She leaves early for lunch without cleaning up any of the office, then still takes her lunch. This leaves me with about 15-20 mins for my lunch since I have to do that. She leaves early at the end of the day also because she HAS to get home to her kids. Now she tells me that if her kid is sick with a slight fever the doctor has agreed to let her bring him to work. He nitpicks at my work, which I know is well above hers as patients complain to everyone except the doctor. I am slower, but more detailed. She has told patients incorrect things and it gets back to the doctor and he assumes I said it and then will say well why would the patient lie? As if I am the one lying. Luckily she has admitted to being the one to tell them. But he still continues to accuse me of things. Im wondering if this is because I am too passive and fear speaking with the doctor. Even thinking about it brings me to tears. I also keep thinking that he treats me this way due to what he would think of as making excuses vs me just trying to explain what was going on in my mind that caused whatever judgment that he disagreed with in the early year of my training. Unfortunately he is the only one in the office that likes her. He says yes to everything she asks or wants. I love the patients, my hours and work. But am beginning to resent this girl and my boss. I dont want to explode as its never pretty and the outcome is usually really bad. I have two speeds- passive and crazy. There is nothing in between. For now I plan to focus on just doing my work, trying to talk less and just doing the extra work she causes me and praying he will see the truth or she moves on. Would love other suggestions. My fear to speak with him is still just to overwhelming.
March 1, 2020 at 10:14 am #143730anniebParticipant
It sounds as if you are in a toxic situation. Can you take another year of it? My suggestion would be to start planning your exit. It may not be easy finding another job right away but there will be one and maybe a better one. Do it on good terms if you can. You are no longer on a team. Unfair, yes…but..You have to think of your well being. Good luck!
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