Wife wants me to pay for cousin's school fees.

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  SBarrett 5 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #84335

    mrace40
    Participant

    Hi. I’m married to my wife for about a year now. She is from the Philippines and I met her through Filipina bride tours. She’s a very nice woman, indeed. She takes care of me very well and she doesn’t spend much for herself. However, there is one thing that is bothering me. She asked me to pay for her cousin’s school fees. She says in their culture, they have to help their family members when they’re in a bad place. So now she’s asking me to pay for the fees. In America, we don’t do this. We pay for our own selves and not for extended families. What should I do? I’m willing to pay for the fees but I don’t want them to depend on us for their expenses. Please help.

  • #84413

    SBarrett
    Participant

    Former Vice President Joe Biden used to repeat his late father’s challenge to people he felt could be more generous in spirit by saying “Show me your budget and I’ll show you what your priorities are.” I don’t believe the senior Biden meant to say that not wanting to stretch your budget too far if you had pressing needs at home which didn’t allow for extra expenditures. But at the same time, he never would’ve allowed a growing tendency in this country which you described as not giving to extended family members, esp. if they lived in far off impoverished countries like the Phillippines. I remember my parents always getting publications from the Maryknollers and I know of local Protestant missionaries who still do what they can for their relatives living in Germany, esp. before the Wall came down. Believe me, the few dollars you can manage to send will mean so much to your wife and your marriage. Your wife’s joy when she finds out you’re willing to send the extra money will show her where she stands in your line of priorities and you won’t be sorry. As both Bidens would put it, I guarantee it.

  • #84430

    mrace40
    Participant

    Thanks SBarett for the input. Now I know that the Filipino culture is not the only culture that values the act of helping and supporting their relatives. I’m looking forward that I’d be able to manage things out this week.

  • #84440

    SBarrett
    Participant

    I was never in doubt that you’d somehow come up with some form of workable compromise that your husband can go along with. Setting aside a little “mad money” you’d normally use to treat yourself to that extra coffee, soda, or some decor item you’d like to have for the home might seem galling, but when you’ve sent the help overseas and he discovers it later but finds out you took the personal sacrifice of your own day to day affordable amt of “mad money,” LOL, boy he’ll soften.

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