Why do I say the right things to everyone but myself!

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    • #66525

      All of my life everyone has said I can say the words they need to hear when they need it. I can write beautiful music, with the lyrics to match, I can say, I work hard never to say words to hurt others because I know how much words have damaged me. So why do I say the things I say to myself? Why do I believe the hurtful speech of others? When others come to me and ask for help I ask them …would you say that to someone you loved? So how can I allow myself to continue to repeat in my mind the terrible words of those that could never accept my ADHD or of those who never sought help for me? No one can say anything as harmful to me as I say to myself. The pain I feel is the same pain I felt when I first heard those words. When others say harmful things we can leave, when it’s my own brain that keeps repeating the terrible things others have said I can’t escape.

    • #66643

      Many of my coaching clients deal with exactly what you describe. And even though I have working on my own ADD for decades, I would be lying if I said that I never deal with same thing. Our subconscious minds are huge storehouses of our memories, good and bad—things that were said to use, faulty assumptions made about us, etc. The things you say to yourself are sourced from the huge reservoir of information stored deeply within our minds, things about which we may be completely unaware on a conscious level.

      The first work that we need to do is forgiving ourselves for what we say to ourselves so we are not further reinforcing the words. This isn’t easy work and it doesn’t ‘fix’ the challenge quickly. But it IS the place to start. At the same time, pat yourself on the back for your successes—clearly, you have a great deal of empathy for others and that’s a WONDERFUL personal attribute. With support, it is possible to get a handle on this!

      Please know that you are by no means alone with this particular challenge. You may want to consider working with an ADHD coach who can support you in discovering additional ways to work work with this challenge in your life. You deserve to learn how to become your biggest cheerleader!

    • #66697

      Thank you

    • #66792
      Penny Williams

      Negative self-talk is a struggle for a lot of people, but I think even more so for people with ADHD, who get so many extrinsic negative messages.

      Here’s some help to improve it:

      Your Own Worst Enemy: Silencing Negative Self Talk

      10 Toxic Thoughts That Are Holding You Back

      ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

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