Why do I feel so angry all the time?

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    • #39990
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      This discussion was originally started by user sonjaRSA in ADDitude’s now-retired community. The ADDitude editors have included it here to encourage more discussion.

       

      Is this a symptom of ADHD that I still need to address? I feel resentment towards the world and it ruined my relationship and now it’s ruining relationships at work. What worries me the most is that I am having trouble suppressing this anger and sometimes say very damaging things and I am at a point where I want to hurt someone because I am so angry.

    • #41194
      Allison Russo
      Keymaster

      This reply was originally posted by user janeev in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

      I found this to be a problem also – I worked ( and still work) very hard at trying to recognize my automatic thoughts that triggered the anger. I read everything I could that was positive- to have something to replace them with.

      A book on self- compassion also helped because I needed to start there. Hope this helps.

    • #41195
      Allison Russo
      Keymaster

      This reply was originally posted by user Rancher John in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

      I do not know if this could help you or not. Years ago when I first tried Strattera I was also drinking beer at the same time. Over time I had this anger coming out of me that was out of character for me. I quit drinking and taking Strattera, and then I quit being angry. That was close to 10 years ago. I am not implying that you drink I am just making the point that med’s and alcohol do not mix.

    • #41213
      Allison Russo
      Keymaster

      This reply was originally posted by user MrNeutron in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

      For myself, I think it started with the resentment I felt towards my Father, who didn’t pay attention to who I was on the inside. My thoughts and emotions were not recognized or nurtured which is a hurt that eventually turned into an inward anger. A lot of the time, repressed feelings such as anger, get stuck inside us as we look for relationships that we hope will heel that pain. So we end up looking for someone or some situation that will give us what we didn’t get when we were young. The best that you can do is to recognize that there is anger in you without blaming anyone, and keep very close attention when you start to feel it. It will pass but you need to watch it before it starts to heat up inside you and throw you into a long lasting rage. It’s not an easy thing to do especially when the emotion is strong and you’ve been stuck with it for a long time.

    • #41215
      Allison Russo
      Keymaster

      This reply was originally posted by user Sarah St in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

      Is it possible to have ODD without it developing from some emotional trauma? I think that it must be genetic in my family. I have stories dating back to my great grandmother that seem to indicate that she had ODD. I see it in aunts and uncles, cousins, a nephew (who is actually diagnosed), my brother and possibly my son. I am wondering if my quick anger and automatic suspicion of authority is a sign of ODD in myself. Is there a check list for adults to see if I might have ODD? And if I do, how do I manage my ODD symptomatic young son?

    • #41216
      Allison Russo
      Keymaster

      This reply was originally posted by user adhdmomma in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

      Anger is a fairly common issue for those with ADHD, due to impulsivity, great sensitivity, and poor emotional regulation.

      Here are more insights:
      https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/5235.html
      https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/5249.html

      Penny
      ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #41217
      Allison Russo
      Keymaster

      This reply was originally posted by user ADDRussian in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

      In my life (i am 40+) I have lost jobs, money, freedom, relationships, health… (to name a few) “thanks” to ANGER.

      Every time I get angry at someone it is like an attack that i was “returning” to someone who supposedly “attacked” me… (sometimes it was an ‘attack’ at me indeed, but the might and nastiness of my ‘returned favor’ by far exceeded the harm or insult or disrespect to me…besides, getting angry is like a shot of adrenaline.

      It wakes you up, it makes you feel stronger, more important, more capable to ‘defend’ yourself, etc.

      It often makes you feel more alive, regardless of the negativity behind anger episodes.

      It took me a while to not only realize that in most cases when i got aggressive/angry or acted like an asshole without necessity I HURT MYSELF with this anger, not the ‘attacker’ to presumably offended me.

      Anger is a natural thing though (think of how many animals (and sometimes humans…) have saved their lives due to anger warning (think about roaring bear or tiger or million other examples of mammals using anger as a necessity, to truly protect themselves…). However. when a human erupts with an impulse of anger he often acts out of his (past) pain and discomfort and/or general unhappiness and feeling inadequate or hurt, and/or of his/her inacceptance and condemnation of him/her/self… I was shocked to discover that 4 out of 5 times when i got seriously angry (and therefore caused immense destruction in my life or lives of the others) , i was shocked to discover that the direct cause of my anger was some kind of inferiority feeling or even inferiority complex..),
      in other words, i may have been already inadequate (in whatever it is, per situation…) and feel hurt or mistreated or judged during most of my life of an ADD-er, and by anger and its CONSEQUENCES
      i hurt myself twice as much again!!! a year ago, i loudly and angrily cursed at my co-worker (it was only a 30 second long conversation into which i injected all my bitterness and aggression…) , and next day i was fired.

      It had taken me 3 months to find that job, and it took me 4.5 months after that to find a new job again ! imagine all the frustration, chronically destitute, etc…etc…

      I strongly believe that no matter how difficult it is for an ADDer to control impulses and overcome a feeling of my life-long failure and inferiority, regardless of the fact that it is much harder for us to deal with anger than for most other neuro-typical folk, I strongly believe that it IS possible to learn to a certain degree control one’s anger.

      To a degree enough not to be DANGEROUSLY destructive through anger and its intensity. And #1 ‘technique’ to do it is to become somewhat happier, more content, more APPRECIATING things which may at certain point be enough to reduce the devastating consequences of anger, to turn down its volume, so to say.

      Just by alone becoming kinder to yourself it can already be achieved, improved. If you are tired of your mishaps, impulses, consequences, bad decisions, losing friends, and overall SUFFERING caused by anger, you will find a way not to eliminate but to dramatically reduce your anger, to become more forgiving and compassionate to others and self…anger creates a lot of unnecessary suffering (while some suffering (as well as a small ‘amount’ of anger…) IS in fact necessary…) the suffering which becomes overwhelming and devastating. they used to call it ‘hitting the bottom:. ” . It hurts to be angry. and it COSTS !!

      here is what Buddha said about anger:
      “YOU WILL NOT BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR ANGER. YOU WILL BE PUNISHED BY YOUR ANGER.”

      so true!

      i repeat this quote to myself as often as i can remember. and such self-reminder alone has helped me a great deal. hopefully, it will help you too.

      do not give up, and do not too much trust medication either .. do not give up. there is a sure hope, and it is possible to learn to manage anger better (ADD manifestations will never be ‘cured’ or gotten rid of completely, incl. anger and impulsivity). when something (anger) starts threatening your life and survival, many people , incl. myself, have reported starting to pay more attention at this something that your life and health depends on. when something is too much or too dangerous, it is often easier to deal with it. anger is not an acception. I have met a dozen of people who have successfully curbed their anger, over the time of course, at least to a level when it does not jeopardize any more their life and health.

      there is hope, for sure.

    • #41219
      Allison Russo
      Keymaster

      This reply was originally posted by user gothceltgirl in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

      So much. Sometimes I feel so much irritability with my closest friends & will have arguments with them in my head, then when I talk to one of them, I’m better, but sometimes I need to vent to them about what is bothering me. Little things seem to fester & build up in my head & then I explode. I try to tell myself over & over that whatever it is isn’t important, that I should let it go, but it doesn’t work. I didn’t talk to my best friend for almost a whole year b/c I was trying to resolve all of this stuff in my head. I finally talked, felt better, but it’s a real problem. A constant struggle. Irritability is definitely a symptom of ADD. I hate it. I feel annoyed that I’m so annoyed. LOL

    • #47886
      sylviec
      Participant

      anger came in me from a lack of acceptance of myself as i was, based on all the mis-understanding and eventually what amounted to abuse to get me to behave – plus my mother had narcissistic personality disorder so it was pretty hellish all round for me. I worked on compassion and acceptance as the key things for myself and let go of most of it, I still have problems with ADHD based frustration but rarely get angry nowadays, Mindfulness was the best skill i learned and has been a lifesaver on so many levels , no so easy when you ahve ADHD but so worth the effort to find ways ot make it work for me.

    • #50439
      dmccallister
      Participant

      I struggle with this daily. It has definitely gotten worse over the years. I am trying to use better coping skills and in counseling, but the explosions and irritability remain. My biggest question is how intrinsic is this to ADHD, beyond frustration, etc.?

    • #50467
      dmccallister
      Participant

      Thank you for the info Penny!

    • #50507
      WendyLong
      Participant

      It’s just a bit like ADHD symptoms of not wanting to listen to other people’s opinions. I think you can go to meet psycho doctor in order to make clearly your status
      rolling sky

    • #113161
      alicetaylor
      Participant

      You can be vegetarian to be more calm

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