April 13, 2017 at 6:32 pm #43117
Due to how the situation went down, I broke up with my boyfriend, who is in his mid thirtys, this past friday february 24, he came to my town for his graduation ( our university happens to be here in the town that I live), and so he messaged me the Thursday before, saying that on Friday(day of the grad) ‘’he was coming early because he was closing his student apartment that he has here, so I replied back , asking him, ”what are we going to do then? and he replied ”I will see your early on Friday around 10:00 am”. So I replied ”OK you text me when you get here”. I even found it weird that he did not begin the message saying ”Hi I’m coming tomorrow, etc . IMPORTANT FACT (Long time ago He told me that he felt as if he has ADHD,, because his nephews have it, basically it kind of runs in his family and he has lots of the traits, I have done lots of research and he sure does.)
( What I understood in my mind was that he wanted to see me early before closing the apartment so whe can have sex,before he closed it, nothing wrong with that, His family did not even travel to come for his graduation, and with all honesty I was clueless about what we were going to do that day ( I will not deny that days before all of this,I was preparing myself mentally for a breakup just because I had all these assumptions,and also because a month and a half later after his grad he was going back to his hometown in the US, were both foreigner students and met abroad. so eitherway he was leaving and we had not had a serious talk.)
His grad was scheduled to start 4:00 pm february 24th in the afternoon, and for some reason, I assumed we were going to see each other after the grad (I guess not), he had told me that he just wanted to get it over with the graduation, that he just wanted his diploma and leave, (he did not seem very enthusiatic when a week before all of this drama, he had asked me ”well what do you want to do for next friday,for my graduation, you want us to see eachother before the graduation, you wanna go there, or what? and I told him it would be nice after, and I SAID to him to text me on thursday (the day before the grad) so we can plan things or that he can tell me what his plans where! and he did.
So finally it was Friday morning Graduation day, he arrived an hour and a half late than what he initially said which was 10:00 AM ,,, he text me, at 11:26 AM, saying ”I’m here”, then he called me inmmediately and says: I’m here in the town I just arrived now, are you ready? Or do you need more time and I said ”no am not ready I need time” and he replied ”OK in half an hour il pass to pick you (in his terms its like an hour, he is always late) I said OK and hanged up inmmediately. after being so indecisive I made up my mind and decided to go out with him, Honestly I did not now what to expect, what we were going to do or anything.
The point is that 15 to 20 minutes after he called me and we had spoken, I decided to text him saying ”we should see each other better in the evening” (I, wanted to see what he was going to answer and if it was ok with him or not, since in reality I wanted to see him AFTER the graduation) I did not get a single reply back from him. Time was passing, and it was 1:30 PM already, So honestly I just got angry and lost patience, I changed my clothes and put my pajama back on. I got tired of waiting for a response from him, Then out of anger I text him at 2:00 Pm ”you know what forget it, don’t come, stop wasting my time, you are late”. And got nothing back from him, I know it was his grad and he was not going to ruin it for him. But he should of acted differently. He just disappeared no message, no call. nothing!!.
So I don’t know what made him act this way that friday, if he acted that way for an ulterior motive?! Please give me your thoughts! and is this a beavior related to ADHD or not
April 25, 2017 at 1:13 pm #46676
While poor time management and planning are common with ADHD, I don’t think it really matters the reason at this point. What’s important is the realization that he’s not a planner and you are, and that may cause you to be incompatible.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
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