What I wish the World knew about ADD

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    • #102565

      I can be darkly funny, offering a biting study of my bizarre behaviour. Some are under the impression, owing to my generally playful and humane tone, that I am a sweetheart, but ADHD often contradicts this and makes me petty, mean and a pig

      In conversations I nod my head, as if I’m familiar with the topic (or interested) but instead of sequential and conventional contribution my mind is all the time searching, contriving, turning, entangling itself it it’s own workings, distracted, tormented and bewildered. Inside I’m lost, living a lie and hating myself for it.

      At the same time, this suppleness allows me to notice the odd bits, see the pertinence of the seemingly irrelevant or trivial and be attuned to the resonance of ordinary moments.

      I often can’t quite see where I’m heading or what I’m aiming at, but then I’ll arrive at some totally unexpected emotion, without fully understanding how I got there. I feel true guilt and want to shout out ‘hello, I’m part of the problem and you should kill me ‘

      I am a surprising and moving mixture of brutality and tenderness. I have a natural infirmity of the mind and I cannot fix myself – If only my mind could find a firm footing, rather than its irregular movement of probing, speculating, veering off in whatever direction it will, even contradicting itself, imagine who I would be.

    • #102698

      Your last paragraph really hit me-I felt so much identification with your experience. I too am a mix of brutality (to myself) and tenderness (to others). Professionals often say I’m too harsh on myself but I find that I am more accepting of reality when I face it head-on, good or bad. I am trying to ease up on the judgments I make towards myself; I often pretend to be a stranger viewing my behaviour and this helps as no human has ever been more harsh with me than I have been to myself. I wish you good fortune in the wars to come 😹❤️

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