Ways ADHD Ruins Marriage

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    • #58378
      MrsWife
      Participant

      I was reading 9 Ways ADHD Ruins Marriages and it made since. I began to believe it. Until today. My feeling is “Ways Marriage Ruins ADHD” it’s like that’s the way he wants to be and I came into his life expecting things like him to not get angry over everything, him to actually do things, him to keep his eye on the prize, and him to not be mean. Boy I suck.

    • #58383
      walyssaa
      Participant

      Can’t tell you how much I relate right now. We’re just figuring out that he has ADD and all the problems we’re having stem from that so I’m trying so hard to see it as his mental block that we need to get help for… But I can’t help but be so frustrated with him for all the reasons listed above!!! He might be fired this week for his lack of work and also, why did he marry me in the first place if he’d rather spend all his free time playing video games and not with me? End rant.

    • #58591
      gentlygenli
      Participant

      While a lot of boys get their ADHD diagnosed, diagnosed or not, a lot of boys are also raised to be selfish, mean, and even violent. It’s ugly to say, but when you combine ADHD with a bad view of appropriate masculine behavior, many times, the result is catastrophic because the selfish impulses that come with ADHD aren’t countered with a recognition that this is wrong and ugly. It’s allowed as a prerogative of a male child. Therefore, in a world where women don’t have to put up with being treated like dirt, marriages break up.

      That said, some men who start out like this (minus violent–give that a pass right away) do eventually realize, over time, that they’re being jerks. But only if their bad behavior isn’t tolerated. You have to find a way of telling a person something they don’t want to hear in a way that THEY will listen. It’s very individual. With my husband, nothing short of complete bluntness usually even registers. (One of our first epic fights after we married was over why it was not okay for him to habitually use my toothbrush. This is evenworse than you think because his toothbrush is never rinsed right, so it’s encrusted with layers of old toothpaste, and he CHEWS it. That is where we started.)

      With other people, though, you have to be extremely delicate about it.

      Nagging is always, always failure.

      • This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by gentlygenli.
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