Vacationing without son

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    • #112563
      slomama
      Participant

      My son, 13 has ADHD/ODD treated with meds and therapy but vacations are still unpleasant and stressful. Plus scheduling is tough with his activities. However I feel guilty when just my daughter and I go on trips alone, like I’m punishing him for something out of his control. Trips with my daughter are so relaxing and enjoyable in comparison. When we’re all together, he torments her. The two times we tried this, my husband stayed home with my son (hubby doesn’t like to travel). Son does feel upset and left out but seems to get over it fairly quickly. We do go on very short trips all together but the big ones I would prefer in the future to take without him. What would you do?

    • #112573
      Skypark962
      Participant

      I wouldn’t feel bad. Adolescence/pre-adolescence is tough. Don’t feel guilty.

      • #112583
        slomama
        Participant

        Thank you so much.

    • #112579
      BRLK
      Participant

      I would take him on separate trips without your daughter the same as you are taking trips with her alone. You may find trips with just he and you equally as pleasant, you may find out things about him and why he acts the way he does when your’re all on vacay together, it will give you the chance to understand him better and I would bet money he is a different kid when not with his sister. The competition for attention and fighting between my two when we go places can be brutal. I’m not saying he won’t be defiant and there’s no way to know for sure. I could be totally wrong. But I know my two boys act very differently when I take them somewhere together than when I’m doing things with them one on one. It’s possible after a trip or two alone with him he will also see the difference in his behavior and may be able to modify enough for you all to try and do one together down the road. Now that mine are getting older (10&13) I’ve offered to take them on separate trips of their choice on their respective birthdays. Just my two cents. Hang in there!

      • #112584
        slomama
        Participant

        This is very helpful, thank you. Vacationing separately can also help me tailor trips to his needs. I think I just have to mourn the loss of that ideal, blissful family vacation that we have never had and probably will not. There are other things we can do as a family.

    • #112657
      Dr. Eric
      Participant

      1. The best parenting advice that I ever got was to make sure you set aside 1:1 time with kids. It is a different dynamic.

      2. Parents whose children with developmental disorders who qualify for Regional Center services get home care funded for parental respite. Just because the disability doesn’t qualify for this, doesn’t mean that respite isn’t necessary or can take other forms.

    • #115105
      damnmouse
      Participant

      Funny, I hated vaccations too when I was a kid. This is going to sound terrible but my parents idea of a perfect vaccation was something really quiet and relaxing, like to a cold foggy beach or browsing stores that seemed to sell nothing but metal frogs and T-shirts that said “wish I was in _____ town.” There are a trillion towns that are exactly like that and we went to all of them. Without my Gameboy I would have been entirely miserable. It could be your child wants to eat but just doesn’t like what’s on the menu.

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