Unsure and lost

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    • #107531
      slightlytired
      Participant

      Hi, i never thought I’d be writing something in a place like this, sorry for the wall of text in advance
      Not that i think badly of ADHD, but more so that i thought everything i did was normal. I’m a 17 yo girl in highschool and i can’t function anymore. I’ve always been absent minded since i was a kid, constantly getting questioned whether I’m stupid or purposefully “forgetting” things to spite my mother.
      I was forced to go to a psychologist when i was 11 because i refused to talk, do homework or follow instructions. spent my first elementary school years sitting in detention doing the work i was supposed to do. After going to the school psychologist 2 times and forgetting to afterwards they concluded that i was jealous of my baby sister and that’s why i’ve been acting out. I never understood why i had to go there untill i asked my mother recently. Main thing making me worried is me having met a woman with strong ADHD and never having resonated with someone that much as i have with her. Problem with ADD/ADHD symptoms is that they happen to everyone sometimes. So when i talked with people i thought, hey this person forgets stuff too, this person cant focus on class sometimes too , or is prone to daydreaming. So why am i struggling way more than someone with the same problems?
      I’ve been noticing my dozing off and drifting away more recently and its been making me furious because i know that’s not supposed to happen, im angry at myself, it feels like you’re only 10% in control of what you’re doing. The only reason I’m maintaining my grades is due to the fact that i can rewrite tests, otherwise i would’ve failed so many subjects throughout the year . All of my mistakes in tests are so small and miniscule it starts to feel like I’m just stupid. Confusing signs, forgetting what i was supposed to do with the equations mid equation, disregarding entire tasks because i thought i’ve already done it, or just not noticing. It feels awful going into the store, doing mundane tasks and feeling absolutely lost. A+ for remembering to make alist, gold star if i ever remember to actualy use it. It sounds funny in anecdotes but its nothing but infuriating to me.
      I draw, I’ve drawn for 10 hours well into the night not having noticed the time, while i was supposed to be writing a paper.
      I feel useless, hopeless, dumb and lazy. And I feel like that’s actually it but not at the same time. I’ve brought up these problems with my mother before, to which i get “sleep more”. I used to be quite an angry child due to my parents being mad at me for being unable to finish jobs properly and me being angry for not understanding why theyre mad. I have a hard time keeping friends due to being uncaring and forgetful. Hurting people that way.
      I’m unsure what I’m supposed to do. I can’t formulate my thoughts properly either, when i’m mad i don’t yell, im not hyper, i just cry, and get angry at myself more than anything for the smallest things. And then i feel like a dumb teen girl being emotional and hormonal.I’ve lost my train of thought completely but to sum it up, I’m unsure whether my worries are real and if its worth it going somewhere to ask for help

    • #107533
      dmu1970
      Participant

      I don’t know if you have already been diagnosed with adhd but your story certainly sounds like adhd to me.

      I’m a 48 yo woman who wasn’t diagnosed until my late 30’s. You sound like me as a teenager. I had no self esteem and ended up depressed and at one point contemplated suicide.
      The day I received my adhd diagnosis and took my first dose of Adderall I remember thinking “oh my god …this is what it feels like to be normal ??!!??!!” I spent so many years angry that I lost all of those years to adhd.
      I don’t mean to be so blunt – it comes with age-but if I were you I would do a trial of stimulant medication for sure. It changed my life.

    • #107540
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      You can take this self-test for ADHD and see how likely it might be. Of course, the only way to know for sure is to get a professional evaluation:

      [Self-Test] ADHD Symptoms in Women and Girls

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

      • #107541
        slightlytired
        Participant

        I’ve been scoring in the >95% range with these, i’ve done plenty of research to understand what attention deficit (hyperactivity) disorder is at its core carefully before coming to any conclusions, definitely not a one night google self diagnosis. I’m just very lost because i come from a family that does not believe in mental illness or believes it to be something to be hidden from society or be ashamed of. Plus as far as i’ve researched only diagnosis centre i can find is in the capital, or any professional specializing in noticing ADHD. Which is quite a hassle considering I’d need parent consent for it. I’m not sure where to start
        would it be a good idea to go to my schools psychologist/councelor first? Best case scenario if they believe me they could convince my parents to let me check just in case. Though what might happen is i might get ignored or told it’s nothing. What should i do in that situation? i don’t think i’ll survive university if that’s the only place i’ll be able to seek help

      • #107570

        It sounds like going to your school counselor or psychologist is probably a good first step if you don’t think your parents are going to help.

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