Unable to read social cues

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Adults Relationships Unable to read social cues

Viewing 3 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #190587
      Xabeix
      Participant

      I recently learned that ADHD makes me think that the way to go is by dumping my feelings in conversations. Which I know is wrong, but the urge has always been strong and I couldn’t figure out why. So instead of focusing on fun stuff, I can talk about my problems for hours and I learned recently that struggles can make you feel alive. Thing is, I hurt people, drove people away without even having a clue because I thought I was socially accepted and validated until I was banned from a voice server. Even thought I do understand all of that, I feel ashamed for missing the cues, not being able to self regulate and I feel rejected. Of course, had I known sooner or if someone had told me directly they did not like my conversation topics, I would have tried as much as I can to behave appropriately. I just feel like there are so much unwritten rules that I transgress on a daily basis and it does take a toll on my self esteem. Like everything I say is inappropriate. For some background, I’m medicated for Chronic Anxiety, but my doctor does not acknowledge that I have ADHD even if I was diagnosed by a therapist. Some advice or resources would be helpful on how to go from there because I feel like I am socially handicapped.

      Thank you for reading.

    • #190591
      oceanbloom
      Participant

      i relate to this. it’s really tough to constantly feel in danger of losing your social relationships.

      first, please consider getting a new doctor or a second opinion – it sounds like your current one has some problematic biases. consider seeing a therapist if you have the resources, too.

      i find it really helpful to freewrite on a regular basis: just to write or type every thought or feeling i am processing as it passes through my brain, without judgement or going back to edit. you can destroy or delete it afterward, but since i know processing things in words helps me, this prevents my unloading on another person in order to complete the processing. then i can interact with others with a slightly more settled mind. if you hate writing and can get some time alone, i occasionally set a five minute timer and rant to myself out loud (quietly). i am often surprised by what comes up, and feel just as glad to do this on my own so that i can have deep, mutual conversations with friends instead of needing to do this with them. i can ask them questions and really listen to the answers.

      most importantly: just let yourself off the hook, my friend. i perceive a lot of pain and shame in your post, and i so empathize, but you don’t deserve to have to carry that around just because the world wasn’t set up for people like us. be kind to yourself. forgive yourself when you drop the conversational ball, miss a cue, or hyperfocus on your own stuff. we all do it!

      take care x

    • #190594
      InfectionLion
      Participant

      I agree with oceanbloom, it is incredibly tough. Do things that lets you forget about everything.

    • #190613
      Xabeix
      Participant

      I thank you both for taking the time to read this post. I have since thought about things and talked to a good friend and it is like oceanbloom mentioned, people are to blame as well if they are not upfront with us. I understand I am completely different and that I might have some social ineptitudes, but people still think we understand our behavior, get the social cues and chose to act this way. I noticed that altought my behavior might be to blame, I do not want to be treated like garbage and that I deserved to be told upfront if I was doing something wrong. I was at ease, until I was banned and this could have been all avoided if people would have treated me better. On your advice and on the advice of my friend, I will be way more careful from now on with my friendships and social circles. It still hurts, but I know that my heart was at the right place even if others do not think so.

Viewing 3 reply threads

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.