September 4, 2017 at 1:57 pm #59664
My fiance & I have been together for 7 years. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5. It was treated with Ritalin and Dexamphetamines but both produced unbearable side effects to the point where he was taken off them. Effective treatment was never achieved, and his mum kicked him out at 15. Since then he has gone without any treatment. He is now 25.
In 2013 after numerous symptom related personal problems we approached the doctors again. After a year of poor GP acknowdgement he was finally referred to a Psychiatrist where he was diagnosed with Adult ADHD. After tests it was determined that there weren’t any medications suitable for him as he has a resting heart rate of 100 bpm. He was then discharged from Psychiatry to thd care of the GP who was to refer him for CBT. Subsequently the GP resigned following investigation into poor practice. This meant the referral was not actioned.
During this time I fell into depression due to the ongoing personal issues ADHD creates and was unable to muster the strength to ensure it was addressed. Long story short, we lost our home, animals and possessions due to debt and ended up homeless.
Since then we found him a job that he loves and is good at and resettled our lives to a point. This made him think he was better without any support or treatment. Then he impulsively sold my engagement ring which shocked him into the reality.
We have since had an appointment with another Psychiatrist who has stated it is in remission de
on the grounds that he is maintaining a job and a relationship. I know this isn’t true. He often flits his attitude to issues with no explanation, cannot control his impulses to spend money or react badly when we argue, is unable to commit to coping strategies (often his own suggestions) and turns to me to help him manage his emotions towards work and family issues. He has even cut himself impulsively when our relationship feels like it’s crumbling.
He is the sweetest, kindest person I know and I really do love him with all my heart, but I feel like I’m the only person that can see it because I help him with practising mindfulness, the only tool I have to help him. But it’s not enough. I am only human and struggle with my own health and work issues due to RSI and redundancy.
If anyone can give some advice on how I can help him through this before it breaks us I would be eternally grateful.
September 5, 2017 at 12:26 pm #59711GT0161Participant
I am also in the same aituation but its me with the adhd my life is a constant struggle errors in work (which iv only recently started) are really dragging me down today i burst into tears over the littlest of things. Emotions run wild.
Living with adult adhd is awful i wish the nhs could help.
There has been no funding in my area for adhd which has left me to just get on with life, recently funding has been introduced and im hopefully soon going back to the shrink i was diagnosed at 13-14 with adhd and adult adhd at 22 i will keep my eyes on this post for any comments i really hope you and your partner get the help you need.
Your post sounded just like me and my partner. Except the self harm but many times the thoughts have been in my head sorry for droaning on.
All the best dan
September 7, 2017 at 7:43 am #59942
Thanks for the reply Dan. It helps to know that there are others experiencing the same lack of support. Try not to beat yourself up over the work errors. If you’re new to the job, it will take time to settle in and find strategies to help. Have you disclosed your ADHD? I encourage my partner to once he’s through probation to help protect his job should he have any symptom induced problems.
Good luck with the Dr. I’ve written to the Patient Advice & Liason Service describing my SO experiences and stating how the current provisions are inadequate. I’ll let you know how we get on.
All the best.
September 5, 2017 at 4:03 pm #59729Penny WilliamsKeymaster
It stinks that the new psychiatrist is still of the antiquated mindset that ADHD is only for kids or that ADHD can somehow “go away.” It’s a physiological difference in the brain that will always be there to some degree. So, on that front, please encourage him to keep seeking out new clinicians until he finds one who will truly LISTEN to him.
As far as treatment, there are many additional options besides stimulant medication. There are non-stimulants (Intuniv, Kapvay) and several medications that are often tried when typical ADHD medications can’t be tolerated (tricyclic antidepressants, bupropion, etc…). I don’t know which of these medications you may have in the UK, but that’s one option.
Alternative treatments, like a healthy lifestyle, can help a great deal as well.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
September 7, 2017 at 8:01 am #59943
Thanks for the advice ADHDMomma. Unfortunately you tend to get the clinician you’re given. One of the symptoms of a ‘free’ national health service, but I’ll keep pushing him for a second opinion by someone who actually specialises in ADHD.
We already spend a lot of time hiking having recognised the benefits of exercise and nature. He also accompanies me with my dog walking business when his work permits.
Diet is a bone of contention. I try to influence his sugar and additive intake and ensure healthier options are at home, but it’s an area of weakness for him. His colleagues consume energy drinks like they are water and he regularly fails to spot his impulsivity with food. It’s a fine line being a carer but respecting his right to make his own decisions. Often I end up nagging like a Mum.
Since his recent self-harm we have been practicing Mindfulness which has helped somewhat but he struggles to be consistent with it as it physically hurts his head when he really pushes himself with it.
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