Torn Apart and Maxed Out

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    • #64502
      mymiley
      Participant

      I have two daughters and a husband with ADHD. He has never been officially diagnosed but he is classic. I myself have anxiety and depression. My oldest is 17 and recently diagnosed. My youngest is 11 and was diagnosed when she was 8. Both exhibit anxiety and my oldest is experiencing depression.

      I work as a school librarian and I’m feeling emotionally torn apart and maxed out. I spend all day with students and find myself having less and less compassion and patience with students who exhibit the same tendancies as my children. Then I go home and I am upset and angry at those I live with for their same challenges. I had hoped I would find more compassion and understanding within myself that would benefit both worlds but I find myself at a loss and it is not anybody’s fault. My coping skills are fraying and I don’t know where to start.

    • #64550
      deb91
      Participant

      Mymiley, I’m sorry to hear you are feeling so badly right now. I can relate to your feelings of being frayed and at the end of your rope. Both my 14 year old son and my husband have ADHD. I get very tired and feel like I’m pulling more than my share of the load often. I too deal with emotional issues (I’m bipolar) and work full-time (as a librarian as a matter of fact! – in our State Archives).

      First, if you have not gotten treatment for your anxiety and depression, either therapy, medication, or both, please do so. When I’m depressed it colors my whole world view, and I see everything through a negative lens. It is difficult to be compassionate and empathetic when you feel no contentment or joy yourself.

      Second, find something you enjoy and make time for it in your schedule. Self-care is so important! Go out with some friends, join a small group at church, a book club at your public library, a fitness class, anything that is just for you and gives you a break from your family. Even if your family members weren’t dealing with ADHD, depression, and anxiety, I think it’s good to maintain some interests of your own. Families need a break from each other sometimes 😊

      Finally, is finding a librarian position outside the school system an option? It sounds as though you’re dealing with some of the same issues at work as at home, or that your work is rather stressful to you. Maybe finding a librarian position in another setting would help ease some stress. I know my job feels like an oasis of calm and orderliness in a sometimes chaotic home life.

      I hope you are feeling better soon. Hang in there as you are definitely not alone!

      • This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by deb91.
    • #64597
      Penny Williams
      Keymaster

      It is very important to take care of yourself first. Treatment for your own anxiety and depression is critical. Taking time for yourself for some respite is important too.

      Then, work on implementing some structure in the evenings at home, including some quiet alone time for you. The structure will help to alleviate some of the chaos and unknown, making it easier to cope with.

      These ideas could help as well:

      “I Think I Hate My Teenager”

      Penny
      ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

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