Sudden "Episodes" of not loving me triggered by stress or fear of commitment?

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    • #116158

      Hi, I’m new here. I am 36 in a distance relationship very precious with a special person who means the worldto me. We are engaged and things going great, with plans for meeting since we live very far from each other but since we met he has some “Episodes” out of the blue when he starts saying “he doesn’t want to be with me” ” that I should find another man” “I should move on” “we’re not meant to be” “he gave it lot of thought” “our love is a fantasy and not possible” and lot of hurtful things.
      I just can’t believe all the atrocious things he says and my heart breaks, I go on my knees, sobbing and reminding him his promises, begging him to look at my feelings too, my blood pressure raises I panic cause he start talking like he would dump me.
      Today I felt very offended cause he started acting like he was afraid of me saying I could be a scammer, cause I live overseas.
      People influences his mind easily, and lot of people don’t want me in his life for jealousy, so they talk to him awful things about me and he believes them.
      He acts like paranoid treating me like he doesn’t trust me, on top of that I am a singer and yes I have lot of critics cyberbullying me on networks, well guess what? He believes that and doesn’t really trust me.
      But the point is the episodes he has often.
      We can’t go more than 15 days without them. We make nice plans and talk about our future, he keep saying he needs me and no one is like me, he wants to move things around for us and travel to be together, he says we’re soulmates, but then his fears and insecurities or high stress he can have at work, triggers those episodes and bad thoughts, breaks my heart!!
      I’m a religious person, I even thought it could be something evil temptating him to do this hurtful things and sudden saying he doesn’t want me.
      I’m very fearful about he crashing again, even when we are ok talking happy.
      He’s not on treatment and he has a very weak mind.
      If someone against me, tell him lies he believes them.

      Is this part of ADHD?
      How do you deal when your partner has episodes like this, treating you as they hate you?
      How do you “recover” your partner to act normal again.
      He proposed me marriage few days ago, he’s not a kid, he’s 50 years old, and few hours later he tells me “I take back my promises”
      He knows he has this episodes and says he can’t control them. It’s an anger against me that he feels, (when he’s under pressure, or someone tell him lies about me to separate us)
      An anger for no reason that he can’t control and he knows how much it hurts me. He knows I’m very sensitive person.
      I’m so sad right now. I hope he will come out of that episode again and love me and continue with our plans.
      One day he even blocked me cause said he was afraid of commitment.

    • #116163

      Hi РI read everything you said about your fiancé, and his behavior is NOT like anyone I know with ADHD and I live with two people who have it.
      What you are describing sounds like bipolar or some other mental health issue. If I may be blunt, it sounds like you have no control over the relationship because of the distance and the people in his life who have control over him.
      I can’t tell you what to do, but there are so many things wrong with the relationship that I would take a good hard look at what your life will be like with this person. They obviously have mental health issues but he doesn’t take any medication for it or even have a formal diagnosis. If you’re going to spend the rest of your life with this person then you need to tell him how you feel and that he has to see a doctor and get diagnosed and medicated, with counseling, if you are going to marry him. If you don’t do this at the beginning and see if he does it, then your life will just be more of the same. He needs help and you need to have resolution to your issues.
      You may even have to be prepared for him being unwilling to change anything. Then you have to decide if you can live with him the way he is or find someone else.

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