Struggling with unmanaged ADD

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    • #128739

      I am really going through it right and am looking for any kind of advice or direction.

      I was in work accident involving over exposure to co2, it severly irritated my lungs and messed with my mental state. Any time my heart rate increases I can’t breath. Hospital considered it anxiety related panic attacks so I started seeing a therapist to talk it out and work on coping. After months of not being able to stick with her suggests, she started pushing me to go see someone who could prescribe medication, which is a trigger for me(family overdose) and it made me uncomfortable. She felt my anxiety was stemming from ADHD and I was reluctant to that. Both of my sons have been diagnosed and they’re pretty severe and I just didn’t see myself the same so I stopped going.

      Fast forward a couple of very rough years I’m at a point I cannot manage my daily life. Im screwing up left and right and shutting down. Struggling to keep jobs, freaking out on people, cutting people out of my life, forgetting to pay bills or just flat not, stressing myself to a point of not being able to move or speak. Start doing my own research and decided I think I really am ADD or combination type. Learning the different symptoms that show in women was eye opening to me so I found a doctor and psychologist and was very open about my concerns and past, I felt that was the way to really find out what’s wrong. I would see them back to back with no time in between for them to collaborate and they did not agree on a diagnosis. Diagnosis from my previous visit would change and send me into “panic”, for ex. i spent a month thinking I was schizophrenic, learning about it and questioning my every move and whole life really, then the next visit the psychologist would say things like what is he thinking? then change it, then Id go to the doctor next and he’d change it again. SSRIs made me violently ill and the 5mg of atarax, which is nothing, for anxiety kept me too low.

      Then BAM out of no where, tornados touched down and tore my town apart and I was really out of work for a month. As the bills and stress built up I shut down and then never returned to work. Told myself I just hated the job and would find another. Moving forward Ive applied to 47 places, taken lots of interviews, not shown up to some, accepted a few job offers I thought I could handle then when it would come time to start and I wouldn’t show up. I couldn’t make myself go even knowing im on the verge of losing everything. It feels like im not in control. The best way I can describe it is like blacking out and when it happens im impulsive, make stupid decisions and now I really am starting to feel depressed.

      I felt like I really needed to get into the psychologist, I trusted her but she was booked out 2 months!!! I spoke with the director of the facility as well as my assigned social worker, told them I was in over my head and was open to talking to anyone. they followed up with me for 2 days then forgot I guess.
      Still I waited. The social worker had found me some assistance for my utilities so I kept my mouth shut for 3 more months, never got in to the psych and tried everything the doctor gave me but insisted my anxiety is not from depression. he wouldn’t budge. Finally I explode on him, refuse his prescriptions and call him out for not listening to me. I said if he didn’t awknowledge my request to be evaluated I would have to find another doctor. This guy…

      He told me due to my admitted drug use(marijuana) during my intake that he would not discuss it with me or prescribe any stimulant but I could try strattera. It was great at the start minus the side effects but then it stopped working, increase and as soon as I was out of the adjustment period im back to non functioning. Increased 4 times and decided I needed to find someone who wanted to help me.

      I am now at a psychiatrist, Ive gone every week this month and I like her a lot, didn’t mention the pot this time though. She agrees depression is not the underlying cause but were just starting so no diagnosis. I am hopeful and understand it will take time and work to get back to feeling normal, Im not expecting any medications to be a magic fix but I have been trying to get help for 9 months now and I feel like it can’t wait another second. My rent is behind, my utilities are behind, Ive been doing anything I can force myself to do to make money, doordash mostly but now that is tearing my car apart and stressing me more. Im at a point where I don’t trust myself, even in trying to apply for help with the county Ive forgot to follow up or send something and I just don’t know what to do. I spend most of my day walking in circles with racing thoughts, accomplishing nothing. I can see the toll its taking on me physically, I keep getting sick, im not sleeping, I’ve lost noticeable weight and I just feel like this is it. Im going to lose my home, I don’t have any where to go, what will I tell my kids? How will I see them?

      Has anyone else ever felt this severity?

    • #128765

      few comments from a now retired shrink who hade a focus on adult complications adhd/add. this is gentically transmitted so if children affected at least one parent similarly challenged. comorbid mood, anxiety and ptsd are not uncommon even if do not fully meet presumed criteria for adhe/add. my experience is responses to medication are unpredictable and it frequently takes several months to find and adjust doses. mood disorders are generally bipolar all-tho the upswings can be few and far between and so are overlooked. n o response ot antidepressants is not uncommon unless accompanied by a mood stabilizer. anxiety may respond to antidepressants such as escitalopram but again unpredictable. much better response to benzodiazepines such as alprazolam or clonanzepam altho here see tolerance, dependence and withdrawal issues plus accusations, sometimes unspoken, of being an “addict”. exercise helps and can be lifesaving. cognitive behavioral approaches can reduce anxiety and even something like eye movement “desensitization” sometimes help. anxiety appears driven by memory traces. people with adhd/add have remarkable memories , sort of all-none but also can be quite fragmented and thus losing context. now look for your strengths, creativity and passions. they are there as part of adhd/add and can be your best friend.

    • #129221

      Hi eliyentihw,

      You have received some good professional advice in the comment above, and I’m wondering if something that might help is if you have a friend or family member that you can confide in who could help you to stay on track a little? Even if they perhaps drive you to an interview or appointment, or sit in the same room as you while you go through a bit of paperwork?

      I hope that you are feeling much better soon.

    • #131886

      You’re lucky to receive helpful responses

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