Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Adults STRUGGLING WITH ADULT ADHD DAUGHTER

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    • #87596

      My daughter has always had major issues with ADHD which have caused our family major heartache over the years. My current concern is her drinking to excess whilst on ADHD meds. Her BP is through the roof. She is lying to me and her psychiatrist about the extent of her problem as she would not be able to cope well without meds which he would definitely stop if he knew. Whilst I really want to help her, I am angry that she is out of control again and my life is being so impacted worrying – am I being selfish? I live down the road at the moment but I really want to move house but my partner feels we have to be around for her. She’s 26 and has a job and own house. I have ADHD myself and have my own issues. Any advice please?

    • #87604

      I have a son who is 44 years, & I still help him. It has become so stressful that I’m thinking of moving out of state. He has not been able to get a degree, he is extremely absent minded, which drives me crazy. There are multiple other problems. He does not acknowledge the ADD, and won’t listen to anything. He has had multiple counselors, including one who specialized in Adult ADD (he was the worst). There is a clear family history of the disorder in male relatives. What to to? Like you, I have tried everything. The best I can advise is to be good to yourself, but do support her. The disease is devastating but is difficult to treat.

    • #87624
      Penny Williams

      If your daughter is “out of control” then she isn’t choosing to harm you or herself. Addiction is a very real problem for many with ADHD, and it’s a disease, not a choice. It’s also a lifelong battle, unfortunately.

      I do think her psych needs to know that she’s drinking heavily while taking medication. That could be life-threatening. It sucks that she won’t be prescribed ADHD medication at that point, but it’s necessary to protect her life.

      The Truth About ADHD and Addiction

      All you can do if offer love and compassion and help if she wants it. Until someone sees a need for change and wants to change, they will not accept help. My recommendation would be to not enable, but don’t turn your back on her either. Be there for her, for when she’s ready.

      ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #89162

      So many of families feel the same way you do. Remember to keep boundaries with her that feel right for you and stick to them. Look for other ways to find pleasure in your life and do them. Take care of yourself. She is an adult and is making adult decisions. The one thing I would express to her is the need to be on a reliable birth control, one that fits her lifestyle. She shouldn’t get pregnant while drinking so heavily.

      • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by dianne1.
    • #89314
      The father

      I feel your pain and frustration. I have an adult son who is just giving up/not doing much with his life at all. He does work, but he is in debt, started drinking and smoking, has little to do with his family, but still lives at home as he has no money to rent another place – and we fear what he would end up doing if he was out on his own.
      I recently found this site and am thankful to hear of others who are in the same situation as my wife and I are in.
      The change in our son from when he finished middle school (was on meds) until now (20 years old and refusing to take meds) is quite unbelievable, so thank you to other parents who share their frustrations and suggestions. It helps to know we are not alone in this struggle.

    • #89167

      My struggle is with my 21 year old son. He has ADHD & Aspergers Syndrome. Took himself off of medication in 10th grade, at which time this straight A honors student stopped trying. Grades plummeted. He did get into college, but ultimately dropped/failed out. He’s living at home with me now (I’m a single mom with 3 other kids) and takes a few classes here & there at our community college. Self-medicates with marijuana. Can’t keep a job and/or lies about working. He refuses to go on medication, but has addiction issues and is depressed and angry. He struggles with a spending addiction, so when he does have money – some he has stolen from me and his siblings – he blows it on stupid stuff like fast food and comic books.

      I know he needs therapy, but hasn’t been completely honest with a therapist when he did go. He would definitely benefit from ADHD meds and probably an antidepressant, but he refuses to take them. I’d kick him out but I fear with no money or life skills, he wouldn’t survive.

    • #99960

      I feel your pain and frustration. I have a 19 year old daughter with adhd, graduated high school this year and I’m ready to pack up, move and change my number. I just can’t deal with her behavior any longer. I have to take care of me and I’m obviously not well because I suffer from migraines due to the stress. She has ran everyone and I mean everyone away from her. None of my family and friends deal with her, she’s put out of everyone house. Im all she has but I’m fed up. I understand that she has adhd and I’ve asked the doctor several times to check if it’s something else because I don’t understand why I’ve been teaching her the same things for 15 years and she still do the exact opposite and don’t feel that there’s a problem. I have to take care of me, I’ll pray for her but she has to movr out. Every time I find somewhere for her to go, she gets kicked out within a week or two. No one is willing to deal with her behavior it’s just too much and she’s an adult who still getting kicked out of people house.
      She literally has no respect for anyone no respect at all she doesn’t feel like she has to respect you or your house you goes in people house and just do what she wants to do and people puts her out nobody kids want to play with her she has no friends I don’t know what else to do therapy or medication doesn’t help nothing helps. I’m really starting to believe she’s just doing these things on purpose.

    • #100006

      I hear your frustration!
      Have you looked into a mental health group home or transitional apartment living?
      This may be an option for you, and her, as a stepping stone to her own place.

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