Still trying to accept ADHD inattentive DX

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  roadrunner 2 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #110694

    roadrunner
    Participant

    I recently have been diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type at age 40. I was a very quiet shy child and was described by peers as spacey. No mention of ADHD as a child. I am wondering if it is accurate since I was diagnosed so late. They were treating me for depression and anxiety and the medications just made it worse. I was referred to a psychiatrist who believes I have ADHD and started me on Adderall. I was really worried about this thinking I would be bouncing off the walls but the first time I took it I went to sleep and felt calmer. I am still struggling with depression/anxiety but overall I do feel better. I was wondering if I could get some feedback on some things I struggle with seems ADHD-inattentive type?
    I have 4 children, work full time and manage the kids on my own while my husband works. I feel overwhelmed on a daily basis and getting out of the house with the kids is so stressful. I am always forgetting something and running late. I hate going to all their activities especially having to interact with other parents and all the chaos. I feel anxious having others come to my house, panic when I have to plan something and even don’t like other kids at my house. It feels like it just adds to this overwhelming feeling. I have never felt like an adult and always feel I am faking it around other parents that I have my crap together but I really don’t. I have trouble organizing my house, cleaning, cooking and my work desk is piled with papers. Does any of this sound familiar to ADHD moms here?

  • #110701

    Inak
    Participant

    Hi road runner
    Every single word you wrote resonates with me so don’t despair you are not alone.

    I am living in the UK and was just assessed in October 2018 ( turned 40 Dec 2018). The psychologist referred me to an ADHD specialist. I am now on a very long waiting list which is so frustrating.

    I have had problems since I was a child, zoning out was the first thing I recall, I never played with the other kids, I either tagged along or just had a single friend, I actually struggled to maintain friendships throughout my life and just burned bridges everywhere I went.

    During my teens I started talking out loud to myself, my parents weren’t that educated and were passive parents, they didn’t take me to the doctor. Look up maladaptive day dreaming by Eli Somers, the talking ties in with excessive day dreaming which never stops. It’s like my brain is a tv and someone else has the remote control and is flicking through the channels.

    In my mid teens I went to the doctor myself and told her I was depressed, she prescribed anti depressant, for years I tried every type of anti depressant going, I couldn’t stand the side effects and stopped taking them after a few weeks. I kept going back and telling them the drugs are not working so they would try me on a diff one.
    I struggled academically and in the work place, I struggled to fit in, couldn’t hold down a job, was never comfortable with my peers, I realise now it’s social/ avoidant anxiety, which are all related to the adhd .

    I have been round in circles with mental health, spokento many GPS, counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrist, went alone each time as I can’t trust my family and friends to keep their mouths shut. I have been given a diagnosis for chrinic depression, anxiety, paranoid personality disorder (the last one I refused to accept as it wasn’t a complete analysis, the psychiatrist just Homes in on that because I said I find it had to trust People).

    You have to remember the diagnosis will depend on what the psychiatrist ASKs you and what You TELL them. If you say I’m depressed you will most likely end up with a diagnosis for that, Thai may not be curate as you may have a whole load of other symptoms which need to be addressed.

    They all work differently too, some treat the symptoms, they don’t give you a label as one doctor said to me a diagnosis will impact your life greatly. Another diagnosed me in a matter of minutes ( with personality disorder).

    The best thing to do is write down in clear bullet points what your every day problems are, so they can determine what’s going on. I did this and finally got the correct diagnosis, I sobbed when the psychologist said I think it’s adhd and Asd (mild autism, used to be called
    Aspergers)

    essentially it’s a dopamine deficiency, I have only been treated for a serotonin deficiency with anti depressants. If you have a dopamine deficiency, anti deoressants will give you very little relief, they won’t stabilise the bulk of your symptoms. They did not work for me, I am thinking of trying an anti anxiety drug to help me with the generalised and social anxiety which I’ve had.

    I’m a lot like you, I am not really a people person, I hate others popping round to my home, can’t stand having other people’s kids staying over at mine.

    I have my own business haven’t been that successful as I delete my business pages from my social media , delete friends and the add them again, am short with clients at times.

    I despair every day because I haven’t reached my full potential, i have done so many courses but haven’t really established myself, I am Jill of all trades, I’m way behind my peers career wise, socially and emotionally, I feel intense jealousy and rage, in fact I only ever feel neagtaive emotions and thoughts.

    Sorry for the long winded reply I hope it offers some insight and comfort too x

  • #110702

    Inak
    Participant

    Here are the difficulties I have on a daily basis, had them all my life and gotten worse with age.

    Excessive day dreaming
    Zoning out
    Pacing
    Talking to myself
    Bouts of anxiety and depression
    Negative thoughts
    mood swings anger, rage , jealousy

    Black and white thinking (splitting/ extreme indecisiveness

    Inability to cope with stress – everyday interactions and activities make me stressed

    Digestive problems
    Low libido

    Althoguh I am not a people person I am still a people pleaser in person but can be quite two faced (I have to be honest here )

    More likely to have a slanging match via text than a face to face confrontation .

    Tend to avoid social situations

    Aggressive as I don’t know how to assert myself- burn bridges over perceived slight

    Can’t concentrate, distracted easily, low threshold for boredom

    Extremely restless

    Take things the wrong way, Mis read texts, misunderstand simple things

    Feel disorientated and confused especially when out of the home

    I stare at people for some reason🤦‍♀️ I am always looking a round at everyonE and notice every little thing

    Extremely low self esteem, lack confidence, hate myself most days

    Feel inferior and inadequate

    Can’t get things done, no matter how hard I try
    If I try to read never get past the first page, haven’t read a book since I was a teen, words don’t sink in. Cognition is impaired. University was extremely stressful

    Every day life is extremely stressful

    Hate being told what to do makes me mad

    Hormonal changes make me worse,mensturation and pregnancy very difficult, it makes all the symptoms worse

    Living a simple life helps me,I only interact with people when I have to, it’s not the way I want to be though, want to be a sociable, go getter, trail blazer the adhd doesn’t allow me to☹️

    I can’t be the wife or mother I want to be.
    It’s devastating and what gets me is very few people understand adhd, I don’t feel comfortable talking to people about it. I need to find a support group

    I have the ability to earn a very good salary working for someone else but I am working from home and earning a pittance. In the past I have applied for jobs below my skill level

    I always felt hemmed in at work (beofre self employment) I got pushed around by colleagues

    I prefer 1 to 1 interactions

    Hate being in a group situation especially with other women and strangers

    My current job is part time, weekend and holidays so I have week days to do absolutely nothing! A lot of time is wasted procrastinating, talking to myself whilst pacing all over the house

    One thing you can do to manage your everyday living is to SIMPLIFY your life, cut out unnecesary contact with people on media, if viable reduce your work hours, make lists, keep a diary, delegate jobs to your family so you aren’t trying to do everything yourself, learn to say NO to others. Eat a healthy balanced diet,get to bed on time, leave your phone outside your bedroom on the landing, so you aren’t tempted to surf the net at night, reduce or cut our added sugars and caffeine, if you have any vitamin deficiencies, take a supplement, exercise, find a green space (garden, park, hiking trail) calms your mind

    On a sheet of paper draw a line down centre, in 1 column write all the things which make your symptoms worse and in the other everything that makes you feel better
    Hope this all helps

  • #110855

    roadrunner
    Participant

    Thanks so much for your responses and sharing your personal stories. I think it is going to be a long road to acceptance and realizing I am just not going to be like the other moms and will have to be okay with things being far from perfect and/or much simpler. It is so hard to not blame myself for these short comings and hope my children will not be too effected which I always worry about not being a good enough mom for them. Thanks again! It is helpful to know I am not alone and other moms are struggling too.

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