Spouse possibly has ADHD – not sure what to do next

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    • #41335
      Hope @ ADDitude

      This discussion was originally started by user j5 in ADDitude’s now-retired community. The ADDitude editors have included it here to encourage more discussion.
      Hi All, I’ve literally just joined this group within the last few minutes, but have been researching for some time along with my husband about him possibly having ADHD. He’s been seeing a psychologist for the following reasons:
      – lack of motivation
      – procrastination
      – feelings of being overwhelmed
      – unable to make decisions
      – inferiority complex (especially at work)
      – feeling like an outsider, not “one of the gang”

      Changes I’ve noticed in him:
      – general sadness
      – a great disconnect to situations and those around him
      – not participating in conversations or hearing people when spoken to
      – forgetfulness
      – lack of motivation
      – always on his phone, even when he’s surrounded by people in a room. almost seems like it’s an escape or something for him

      He’s been treated by his GP in the past with antidepressants, which did not work, so he eventually was weened off of them. His current psychologist has recently referred him to a psychiatrist because he’s scoring highly on questionnaires for symptoms of ADHD. I think he has suspected this in the past, but is now looking to seek more active help.

      We have 2 young daughters, 4 and 8 months old, and I’m concerned about how this may impact them. Not so much now, but down the road. It’s unclear to me how I should be dealing with this, what initiatives I should be trying to take with my husband, and to be honest – sometimes I lose my patience because I feel like he should be doing more to try to be more present in general, but the more I read the more it seems that it’s out of his control at the moment.

      Looking for general advice and words of wisdom I guess if anyone has anything to offer.

      Thanks in advance!

    • #41336
      Hope @ ADDitude

      This reply was originally posted by user ADHDmomma in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

      There are so many adults who describe taking antidepressants for years with not positive results, only to later be diagnosed with ADHD, presenting with the overlapping symptoms with depression.

      The great news is that he knows something is off and he’s taking steps to try to remedy it. You are way ahead of many other spouses to ADHD in that regard. Since one has to want help to accept it, he’s already started the process successfully.

      Since the psychiatrist suspects ADHD, I’d support him in requesting an evaluation. If he’s diagnosed with ADHD, then treatment becomes available to him, and that can make a huge difference.

      Lastly, read all you can about ADHD. The more you understand it, the easier it will be to deal with.

      ADDconnect Moderator, Author on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen boy with ADHD, LDs, and autism

    • #41337
      Hope @ ADDitude

      This reply was originally posted by user John Tucker, PhD, ACG. ADHD Coach in ADDitude’s now-retired community.

      This is a trying time for you and him so being impatient at times is quite normal but bless you for your inquiring spirit and the patience that you do have.

      ADHD can be quite disabling even though it is, more or less, invisible. So you are right about it’s being out of control at the moment.

      You are describing a man who knows and feels all is not well but does not know how to make it well. The things he says and does are not quite right and he does not know how to make them right. He is inattentive, distracted, and lost.

      Going to a provider or clinic which specializes in ADHD is a very good idea and joining ADHD support groups is also very helpful.

      Your husband can thrive with a clear knowledge of this syndrome and the continued empathy you have shown. The good news is that there are legions of very happy, productive and successful people with this diagnosis.

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