November 20, 2020 at 8:38 pm #188065
I am going to go crazy with loneliness if I can’t relate to a real person anymore than I am now. At least I have my live-in boyfriend, but one person cannot possibly give me all the social interaction I need. I am over 50. I have one daughter who lives in New York City, and although we are close in a way, in many other ways, we are miles apart, and not just geographically. For one thing, I don’t think she really understands ADHD, and I think she considers it to be a kind of lame excuse for any mistakes I’ve made. She is very into her career, and very good at it, traveling all over the world. We get to spend about two weeks a year together; thank goodness we got that time recently, before the Covid crisis had reached the level it is now.
I really have no friends. I guess I suck at small talk and such. People always like me and they usually think I am funny, or smart, and when I worked all my life until three years ago, I at least had good “work friends”. But somehow the friendships ended as I had to quit work to be a caregiver to three seniors in my family. Now they have all passed on. I really, really want to work outside my home again, but between Covid restrictions and not being able to get the Vyvanse I was on for 8 years-then my psychiatrist retired-I doubt I’ll be working anytime soon. We do need more money, but I’d work somewhere part-time for free if I liked what I was doing.
I have two sisters who live nearby, with their families, but they won’t socialize because of the pandemic, which I understand.
My depression is growing, as there seem to be fewer and fewer options for social interaction. Also, my brain seems to get “noisier” every day, with more guilt trips about how I am accomplishing so little lately. Yes, I need to set a schedule and stay on it, but I have the dreamy, inattentive type of ADHD that makes accomplishing anything beyond grocery trips and basic chores a Herculean task. To DO, to get things DONE, I need my med, and I don’t understand why the county mental health people won’t let me take it.
Aren’t there any ADHD virtual support groups that meet?
Facebook groups are not an option for me, as I refuse to get on Facebook for my own reasons.
But I certainly can Zoom, as I have done it with my county mental health clinic each month four several months now. Anyone else lonely lately?
November 23, 2020 at 11:57 am #188120SarensiParticipant
I hear you and yes I’ve felt lonely . Covid has made me sit in my head more and with fewer outside distractions: gym, socialising I’m finding it hard not to feel like I’m stuck in the mud. My partner checks on me daily to see what I’ve accomplished, usually just cooking, shopping but nothing in terms of career. He looks at me with disgust.
Here’s what I’m telling myself ‘It’s not your fault’ it’s hard to be gentle on yourself when others aren’t… Happy to chat anytime if you need to.
November 23, 2020 at 2:50 pm #188147EmmsagogoParticipant
You post talked to me,,,and just reaffirmed the constant feeling of lonely that spins around in my head over and over, along with a multitude of different kinds of negative self talk and even images to go with that. A feeling that I live with every day. My anxiety is such that it has certainly made it worse. I crave conversation and know that by being with people keeps me well to a point.
My cronic loneliness is possibly an unreal thought in my head but never the less is ruining my life. I am 50 and diagnosed late. 42 is. I am an artist, illustrator and was a graphic designer,,,none of which I successfully continued after having kids.
Each day feels like I’m going crazy. When I wake up it feels like I’m boarding a flight. With no real direction. Im currently on ritalin and apart from getting rid of my cronic anxiety for parts of the day, it lately hasn’t helped me focas in the slightest. Not seeing anyone other than my family ,who don’t understand, and the prospect of not seeing anyone is definitely causing more depression. I even have unwanted , unhealthy thoughts about my life.
I struggle now with any kind of house work and to be quite honest just don’t care about it. I try to obtain some feeling happiness or well being from crafty ,creative projects. Which I have to..have to do everyday it seems to avoid boredom and the feeling of wanting just to lay down and sleep.
If I could make a few wishes…it would be to have my family read the stuff I put on the fridge about adhd and related illnesses, to see one person a day who at least understand the difficulties of mental health, to find a therapist who confirmed that I was living in hell but they could help me. And someone I could take my family to to describe my adhd and my limitations. Not feel guilty or ashamed and maybe be able to do a job I enjoyed but this is really out of the picture.
I am currently trying to use my husband’s work insurance to secure a adhd life coach or specialist. To help me get my life up and running again.
I feel for you guys
And would be very happy to pen pal or exchange communications
November 23, 2020 at 2:57 pm #188148SarensiParticipant
Emmsagogo I hear you too. I’m also an illustrator and graphic designer. Though I rarely work these days. I wish you luck with your assessment. Hang in there. We creatives need to stick together
November 23, 2020 at 6:02 pm #188169
Thanks to all who could read my post and relate to it. But especially thanks to those who answered, as it did make me feel a little less lonely today. I would love to chat or email with you, Sarensi or Emmsagogo, or anyone, but I’m not sure how… Are we allowed to post our email addresses here? If not, how do people contact one another in a one-to-one format?
Sarensi, you mentioned the gym, and that is also something that is also something that I really miss…the opportunity to work out every day, and make myself so tired physically that I just can’t BE stressed! I actually could go to my gym if I wear a mask the entire time. I might resort to trying that. My anxiety would surely be less.
Emmsagogo, I could have written every word you posted. All your thoughts and desires to be understood by others…it all rings so true! Oh, except for the creative bit. Both of you are lucky to be talented that way. I am so NOT creative artistically, but my child got the “artistic genes” that run in my family. She is an interaction designer, so I admire skills in design very much.
I don’t know WHY it is so important for some of us to be truly understood by others, but that’s exactly how I feel. It’s like…I read all these blogs and articles about ADHD findings and copy some of them and like you, I really want to share them with those people who have to deal with me regularly. I want to say, “LOOK!” “That’s me!…I’m not just the over-educated, unemployed black sheep in our family!” “I struggle so much, and good lord, I need a good therapist who knows how to prescribe for ADHD.”
Because of ADDitude, I KNOW I am not alone, but being very restricted physically, and socially inept anyway, it can sure feel
like I might as well be.
I also have bad thoughts about my life. My county therapist, at the end of each session, would ask me, (because they have to ask), “Do you have any thoughts about hurting yourself?” I always wanted to yell,
“No, but I sure as hell don’t want to keep LIVING my life THIS way! Because this really sucks.”
I hope you can get a therapist and/or specialist through your husband’s insurance. When January comes around with open enrollment, my partner is going to add me to his insurance also, with the same hope of finding help for me.
I think I am also going to reluctantly join Facebook after all, in hopes of being able to join the virtual ADDitude group that I THINK is available through Facebook. It’s worth a shot. Someone…let me know if we can share email addresses here or get in touch some other way. Thanks and stay sane.
November 24, 2020 at 5:47 pm #188281phantasmParticipant
I ma just thankful that there are still groups like to support the neededy and people who are so kind to advocate such productive drives.
November 26, 2020 at 5:07 am #188318susunqParticipant
Wow..🤔and here I’ve been thinking I was the ONLY ONE who continues to be “MisUnderStooD” by EVERYONE!
In addition to that..I always end up getting taken advantage of by aLL my (so called) friends! the word “NO” was not in my vocabulary up until the last year or so. These “so called friends” would even STEAL from me and when I questioned them, I was always told “you have ADD so YOU probably just lost it!” I put up with this far too long and regret I did since nearly aLL my friendships are beyond fractured! SO Ive come to realize it just HURTS too much to CARE so a couple years ago discovered the ONLY Way to avoid being hurt/used/criticized misunderstood/ etc., was when I decided to STOP saying “I’m Sorry” about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that went wrong. It seemed like anything that went WRONG was ALWAYS my fault I’ve also discovered the ONLY way to AVOID being BLAMED for whatever goes WRONG..is to “hide in my box” due to hurtful past experiences. Sadly, I made a decision to (both) physically and emotionally “SHUT DOWN” from the outside world. I’ve LEARNED it HURTS too damn much to CARE! Sadder than that is…ONCE UPON a TIME, I was ALWAYS known as the funny, outgoing,”life of the party” free spirited type and NOW I dont want to talk and/or SEE anyone! It’s only a reminder those “so called friends” did nothing but take advantage of my kindness AND my ADD!..SO…Yep I’m lonely and MY biggest WISH would be for folks to take a little time and EDUCATE themselves on how hard We Struggle living with ADD daily not to mention how much we WISH people can realize we too are human. Our brains are just wired differently BUT🤔that doesnt mean YOU CAN’T accept us just”as we are” and MORE Importantly TRY to UNDERSTAND us😏
IF their “TIME” is too valuable to take to EDUCATE themselves on adult ADD..they are MORE than WELCOME to walk a day in MY shoes!”🥴😏😖🤫
November 26, 2020 at 11:52 pm #188320seascatParticipant
Heaven knows I’m lonely, I’m always lonely as I’m alone almost all the time. No family left (at least that I communicate with) and few friends. I’m 68 years old, and yet, I’m new to the diagnoses. My Bachelor’s is in special ed and I’ve taught ADHD, and I did suspect I have ADHD. Heaven knows I’m distractible as heck! (I burn every pot I get my hands on!) But I also have C-PTSD and have blamed pretty much all my symptoms on that. It’s only since I began watching the webinars here that I’ve realized the ADHD probably did come first.
I’ve never had any really healthy relationships, especially what could be called romantic ones. But I just started seeing an old boyfriend and we’re actually talking for the first time ever. Twelve years ago we dated, sort of, and then moved in together. Almost to the day, my mother had a major stroke and that’s when everything really fell apart. I really want one good relationship before my life is over. I’ve failed at everything I’ve tried, and according to my ACE score I’ve outlived my life expectancy by 15 years…. and the other day I read that ADHD also takes years off a person’s life?
He has expressed concern that my ADHD is more than he can handle. I get so angry and frustrated…..and that is probably why I’m so alone and have always been alone. But we are talking. ;(
December 3, 2020 at 3:45 am #188526
I don’t know how I missed your posting from the 26th, but I am so glad to say “hi” this evening. (Won’t be awake long…I figure I really should go to bed very soon, since it’s after 2 am).
I am always excited to hear of another older person with ADHD. There are a TON of us it seems! I’m 60, and I diagnosed myself at age 45, then I was finally “officially” diagnosed when I was 50.
It sounds exciting that you are meeting back up with someone you used to know and date. Wherever the relationship goes, that is one more connection in your life, and I think that’s so needed.
I am not good at “friend” relationships, and boy do I miss a few I’ve had over the years. Mostly the friendships have fallen apart due to geography. as I’ve moved a good bit, and lived in eight different states just in the last 15 years. But the person who was my favorite person ever, is still near me in my city, and it hurts terribly that it seems she no longer wants to spend time with me. The “why” of that is complicated, but there’s no doubt that a part of the problem was that I was just too needy. (Which is embarrassing to admit).
On the bright side of life, I’ve always had a lot of luck in romantic relationships. I’ve got happy memories of several past boyfriends, and a sincere love for a super guy who loves me back despite my irritating ADHD-ness. We’ve been together over a kind of rocky, but exciting 11 years now.
Treasure your friends and explore your relationship with the new/old boyfriend. Who knows how much fun you may have?
Remember that you aren’t really alone. There are a lot of us in similar, lonely situations. If you ever need to vent, my email is: email@example.com. Now, I figure if I’m not supposed to post an email address, they will probably just not post this!
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