So lonely and Isolated

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    • #173039
      DifferentPlanet
      Participant

      Since my adult ADHD diagnosis last year, I feel so alone.

      There are no local support groups, no advice from GP’s, the people I have told don’t really react and never mention it again. I don’t personally know anyone else with ADHD and when I try and talk about it/symptoms my husband brushes over it or says “I get that too sometimes – most people do.”

      I really struggle with work and something like working through a short list of names on a spreadsheet and creating a profile for each takes me hours. Having to do an audit and count the contents of a packing box reduced me to tears and I had to ask a co-worker for help. It’s like they were told once and now its this thing that isn’t mentioned so I just struggle in silence.

      I feel like people don’t want to talk about it and almost do an internal eyeroll when I mention “ADHD.” A manager even suggested that I don’t need to mention it to people unless neccessary.

      There seems so much support and awareness for Autism and childhood ADHD but no so for adult ADHD and it feels so isolating.

      I wondered if anyone else was in the same boat?

      Thanks, DifferentPlanet

    • #173319
      CactusCat
      Participant

      I was talking to my husband on the phone and he asked me what I was up to. I told him I was reading about ADHD in adults. His first words were that it was a scam because everyone was diagnosed with it as kids. He thinks it’s some kind of conspiracy to get everyone on ritalin. I asked him what is ritalin? He said I don’t know. I said yeah that’s a ridiculous idea. I told him how I was formally diagnosed with it as a kid, and that I was put on medication for it. I didn’t like the medication so I stopped taking it, and just kind of lived my life.

      I am struggling with some ridiculous tasks these days and when I mentioned one of the most basic and benign tasks that one of the sites I was reading picked out … he said “Yeah I don’t like doing that either and I don’t have ADHD.” Like, bro, really? I don’t need a damn label to tell me if I do or don’t like doing something. I don’t like doing a lot of things that I have to do, but some things are flat out harder than they ever should be and it was nice to see that I’m not going insane!

      I feel like most people believe ADHD is just a kid being a kid, and that doctors medicated kids so they’d sit down and color in the classroom. Like it has lost any kind of validity in people’s minds as a legitimate thing. I probably won’t talk to my husband a whole lot about it. I homeschool our kids though, and it’s really rearing back it’s ugly head in this arena and I’m 99.9% sure my eldest has ADHD too and it’s just not working out. I’m going to make adjustments to what we do based on the knowledge that we both have it and see how things improve. If they have improved, well, the results speak for themselves.

      • #173533
        DifferentPlanet
        Participant

        Thanks so much for your replies Cactuscat and Kim <3

        Cactuscat – I can only say from my own experience, but I can only function and focus with my ADHD medication. I would say to your husband that it is a lifelong condition that starts at birth and not a childhood illness.

        Kim – good to know there are people that care on here – was starting to lose hope.

    • #173479
      KIM
      Participant

      It can be a very isolating feeling. Check in here whenever you can, because you will find people that care and can relate. I don’t tell people I have ADD after being insulted about it a few times. That was enough. No one needs to know except for a close friend and maybe the people here. Find people that care. We are here.

      Kim

    • #173914
      KIM
      Participant

      Planet – definitely don’t lose hope. Each day you wake up, ask yourself if you have enough strength to fight another day. If the answer is yes, you have to keep going. πŸ™‚

    • #173935
      txsewqueen
      Participant

      Hi everyone! Add me to your list. I was formally diagnosed at the age of 56! now 64. Didn’t have symptoms as a child though – very productive and straight “A” in school. Have been on anti-depressants for most of adult life, was seeing a new therapist and BEGGED her to test me for ADD. Trying to cope with both is very overwhelming. Meds and therapy can help only so much – I know the rest needs to come from within – – but MAN! I don’t think I have it. Being unemployed since 2017 – I guess “semi-retired” has really done a number on me. Many of my issues I don’t know if it stems from depression or ADD – – I just need a resolution. Procrastination queen should be my name. I can sit all day and THINK of what NEEDS to be done; what I WANT to do – – think about it, but I can’t move – – like I’m paralyzed. ANY task seems overwhelming or “I don’t want to…”.

      I get it that your husband doesn’t take you seriously – – I don’t think mine does either. I will talk to him sometimes about my struggles – – he sees it everyday – – but I won’t put a name to it as ADD or depression – – I’ll just describe it.

      There should be support groups and more therapists for adults struggling with this! I have been seeing a therapist again for about the last year but she isn’t a specialist in adult ADD and I think misses some stuff.

      I could go on and on…

      Thanks for listening

    • #173938
      MrNeutron
      Participant

      After a long long look inside myself, I believe the problem lies in the lack of attention we received as children growing up. Primarily emotional attention that is sustained. I can also see that in both of my parents, there was a similar lack of attention in the families they grew up in. That lack of attention seems to create a persistent feeling of emotional distress in the background, that we’re not always aware of. For myself, it’s a nagging and distracting feeling of loss of connection with other people. Like I’m waiting for someone to come along and take an interest in me, to give me the sustained attention that I did not receive enough of as a child. There is a webinar on this site featuring a Dr. James Ochoa, who speaks about what he calls “Emotional Distress Syndrome”

      Emotional Distress Syndrome (EDS) is the cumulative effect of the neurological processing differences and behavioral changes associated with ADHD. It’s a chronic state of stress related to the struggle to live with ADHD, a stress that breaks down emotional tolerance, stamina, and a sense of wellbeing and spiritual health. The chronic, lifelong nature of ADHD-related stress can increase to become a syndrome akin to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

    • #177582
      Naomiekay
      Participant

      I just want you guys to YOU ARE NOT ALONE! ADHD IS REAL! and shame is a huge part of what we experience because of how challenging it is to do the simplest things or just how we process or perceive things and how people belittle our affliction! Just know that you have a community in ADDitude mag that’s there for support. I sometimes have to come on here to remind myself that what I’m experiencing is not an overreaction, it’s real and I have the right to demand treatment that caters to my mental needs. And your boss and your husband need to be far more understanding of you both, them censoring you about your needs or bringing awareness is as if someone in a wheelchair asked for a ramp in the office or at home and was disregarded. And I give that example just to point out that you’re fully capable to do anything you want, you just need things done differently and you shouldn’t be shamed into silence, none of us should!

      Stay strong! because you are but also be demanding of what you need without shame when you’re feeling helpless and weak.

    • #178281
      ljsinclair
      Participant

      I’ve noticed it’s very easy for people to ignore or lay judgements. ADHD is one of these terms that’s been used widely, but no-one really understands it. Aspergers is in the same boat. There’s rumour, there’s conspiracy theory, there’s assumptions and a whole lack of empathy.

      Because the condition is “invisible” (i.e., not obvious like a wheelchair, a broken arm or leg), the assumption is we’re lying and we should stop making trouble. There’s two aspects to this: the assumption this is being done deliberately, and that the other person doesn’t have the patience or comprehension or understanding to help.

      Now all of this you probably already know, so I’ll finally get to the point, and talk about some coping mechanisms I’ve learned to deal with this kind of thing. Unfortunately education falls to us to provide.

      * Tell them how it feels when they brush you off.

      β€œI get that too sometimes – most people do.”

      One response could be “You know, when you say that, I fell like you don’t want to know what I’m going through. I feel you don’t care. It’s real for me and I’m having trouble. I need your support not your judgement.”

      * Educate – I’m lucky I’m a writer and good at digging for research, and if things come up, I jump online and find information that confirms that ADHD is a real condition, and not to be brushed off because of conspiracy theories. It may be worth going to a doctor or asking/referring to ADDitude or other groups for useful information for your workplace.

      * Remember that a professional diagnosis is a real thing, and that the critics, by in large, don’t have medical degrees or any kind of basis in education to make their statements. This can help when you call them out and explain the condition.

      * Keep in contact with people who do understand, if only to feel heard and get a sense you’re not alone. That’s why I joined the group today.

      Good luck though. And as is sometimes said “Don’t let the b**tards grind you down” πŸ™‚

      • This reply was modified 5 months ago by ljsinclair. Reason: left prior edit text in message
    • #179560
      1234
      Participant

      I get it, diagnosed a little over a year ago at 43 years old , I went through about a 6 month high thinking it was going to be different now knowing. Sufficed to say I am in a 6 month low feeling more rejected because of the lack of understanding or ability to relate with ” the norm” or them to ADD . Really struggling to fit a square peg in a round hole, knowing this reality while not change , at the end of the day would be nice to have an environment that doesn’t require so much work just to function. So i get it and offer a listening understanding ear to your experience.

      We only understand what we already know …

    • #180538
      Accentor
      Participant

      I made the mistake of telling a few people about my diagnosis when I was in grad school. This turned out to be like giving them and everyone else they told a license to harass me without consequence. Bonus: if you complain about this behavior, you are apparently reported to the university health system rather than dealing with the harassment.

      Then to add insult to injury these people would taunt me that that would be on my record and I would never live it down.

      I ultimately ended up having to abandon my career path because of this group of people.

      If there was one thing I could go back and change, it would be to have never told anyone about my diagnosis.

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