Sick and tired of being Sick and Tired

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  sj001 1 year, 1 month ago.

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  • #55789

    sj001
    Participant

    I joined ADDITUDE some years ago to help me deal with my youngest daughter who has ADD. It has really helped me over the years with talking to others that understand where I am. My daughter is now going on 21 in a couple of months. And I am having the hardest time with her being responsible for herself. “I” worked very hard in getting her through school. All through school since 1st grade was a struggle. Medications we tried , until high school she started to give me a real hard time about taking them, and when I thought she was, she wasn’t. She decided that she could do it on her own. Which her behavior at school did get better after she entered high school. But the focus still wasn’t there, but she did get through and graduated. Went off to college her freshman year, didn’t do her work, lost her financial aid. Social media is her entertainment, which isn’t healthy most of the time. My thing is her biggest concern is what everyone else is doing. Over the years I’ve read a lot on ADD and ADHD, I’ve done the support groups for own understanding. It’s so hard when a person doesn’t accept what they have, or maybe they don’t understand idk. She is still in the home with me, she does very minimal around the house, she may wash the dishes sometime. But everything else is a no, she works and does a great job, and loves what she does. But she doesn’t offer to help with anything with her money that she makes, she is on my cell bill, which she had been giving me a hard time about paying her part (I’m getting ready to take her off though), I have her on my insurance at work (thinking about removing her). But she is now pregnant, I know she is going on 21 and I’m not trying to run her life, but the rate that she’s going, she is not ready for a child, she’s not being responsible for herself. I’m a single mother of 2 and I have a grandson. I haven’t been doing well the last couple of months. I’m already dealing with some health problems, just trying to take care of myself that’s all. But having her here treating me with no respect is so depressing. I can’t do anything if she’s not listening. She only wants me to do what she wants, or tell her what she wants to hear. I love my daughter dearly this is why it hurt so bad. I’m just at a point now where I feel like I’m about to break down, I don’t understand, I’m not trying to be controlling. She’s never accepted her condition..I cant deal anymore, it’s making me even more sick. Please tell me if I’m wrong

  • #55828

    ADHDmomma
    Keymaster

    Stress can definitely cause health issues, and it sounds like you’re under a lot of stress right now.

    It’s important to realize that individuals with ADHD mature at a much slower rate. While she’s nearly 21, developmentally, she’s more like 18.

    Grow Up Already! Why It Takes So Long to Mature

    I would sit down with her and draw up a contract between the two of you, spelling out what each of you can expect from the other. Explain that you’re happy to help her out and allow her to continue to live at home, but that she has to meet you half way. List what she gets from you (cell phone, roof over her head, support, help with baby, etc) and list what you will get from her (specific weekly chores, a respectful attitude, help when you need it, continued employment, etc.). Then, spell out the consequences if expectations aren’t met. Both of you will sign it and display it on the refrigerator or something. Writing it up in this way can make a huge difference.

    Penny
    ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

  • #55839

    sj001
    Participant

    Thank you I will try this, my only other option was to have her leave. But I will try this to see if it works. I have to take care of me. Yes, that’s just what it seems like with the maturity. I’ve accumulated new medical bills being under this stress. Just tired mentally.

    Thank you

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