March 24, 2017 at 4:23 pm #39815
This discussion was originally started by user vpowell in ADDitude’s now-retired community. The ADDitude editors have included it here to encourage more discussion.
I am a mother of an 8 year old boy. He used to do really well in school but seems to be struggling lately. He is in second grade and all his teachers agree that he is really smart but he can’t seem to behave at school. When he misbehaves at school, they send him to a room called the recovery room that seems to do no good. I have no problems with him at home — I can get him to do work that he refused to do at school. So I was wondering if home schooling would be the best choice.
March 24, 2017 at 4:42 pm #40247
This reply was originally posted by user Udderlycrazy in ADDitude’s now-retired community.
My son is 16 and our school issues started at age 7, so I have been where you are. I wouldn’t jump right to that, unless homeschooling for other reasons is appealing to you. I have had thoughts over the years of homeschooling, but always as a last resort. My situation though was different as my son was more challenging at home rather than at school. Each time something came up at school we worked with them to come up with a plan and thankfully it has always worked out.
I would say try to work with the school first. You can try this approach which has worked for us. Ask for a meeting with the principal, social worker, and teachers.
If you think you are going to be too emotional bring someone with you (spouse, good friend) that can help you keep calm and take notes. Let them know ahead of time who you will be bringing and that it is just to support you. (This is no different from a loved one coming with you to doctor’s appointment to discuss difficult medical decision/issue.)
Start the meeting by saying this recovery room thing isn’t working and you are sorry this is causing them more trouble (if you’re like me this may stick in your throat as you say it, but trust me, this is the way to go) as this may have worked with other kids but as we all know it isn’t working here. Since you guys know more about this than me, what are some other things that you have used? The most I can offer at this time is to tell you some things that have worked at home (even if you have a million other ideas just stick to this for now).
I realized after several long and frustrating years that this is the best way to approach these things. I remember being counseled by others to do this and fought it for so long, which ultimately only made me more anxious and defeated and at times making me think I was going crazy.
One other thing I learned was to ask early on if your child can be involved in the meeting(s). He doesn’t have to be there for the whole thing but at least be brought in to discuss his concerns and if he has any ideas on what he thinks would work better. It doesn’t mean they have to follow his suggestions but the reality is if he is involved in the decisions he is more likely to comply. You should check out Dr. Ross Greene’s website — he is a big proponent of involving the child.
March 24, 2017 at 5:25 pm #40322
This reply was originally posted by user Lilies&Orchids; in ADDitude’s now-retired community.
We have done public school, private school, and homeschooling. They all have their pros and cons. They are all great choices, with limitations.
Udderlycrazy gives good advice. Expect that you will always be advocating for your child throughout their school years. Some years will be better than others, depending on the teacher. Understand that the teachers have a very difficult job managing all sorts of issues in their classrooms.
I recently had a conversation with a man whose ADHD son, on medication, just graduated from high school. His son finished with outstanding grades and six AP classes. But he and his wife had to be at the school on a monthly basis to advocate for him. Our ADHD kids do not fit the mold.
I homeschooled my ADHD child through middle school. It was a difficult first year learning how to work with each other and not against. (Two headstrong gals!) I was amazed by how much we loved it. We did not expect that. It was a great honor for me to take on the responsibility and we enjoyed the freedoms and ability to seek out personal interests and go deep into them. Her national test scores went from mediocre to almost 100%. She made great friends. Our relationship went from strained to close and loving. But not without lots of work on my part.
My dd has transitioned into public high school beautifully. She got her first straight As last semester! I believe those years homeschooling were a very special, sometimes hair-pulling time, that prepared her well.
So the overall story here is that you have good options in front of you. All will require work and educating yourself and others. Homeschooling will require far more, but for me it was a labor of love. And do not fear whichever route you take. Neither is forever. Neither will “ruin” your child as long as you are involved.
March 24, 2017 at 5:44 pm #40349
This reply was originally posted by user Pump2Duncan in ADDitude’s now-retired community.
I also agree with Underlycrazy, ask if your child can be involved in the meeting — even if its just the portion to discuss what he feels he needs. When my son was your son’s age we developed rewards for certain behaviors/accomplishments. The Special Ed teacher developed the rewards directly with my son. Say if he finished a project, he picked that he received 10 extra minutes in the computer lab or got to play with LEGOs or draw a picture. His direct involvement made him a part of the plan and seemed to help a lot.
My son also was allowed to go to the Resource Room whenever he felt he needed to or the general ed teacher thought he needed to. This was ONLY beneficial because the special ed teacher was present in the resource room and helped him identify and work through whatever he was dealing with at the time. I don’t think it would have done him any good if he just went in there and received no support or direction.
In the public school setting some years will be better than others. Some teachers will be better than others. Second grade was a terrible year for us — third was AMAZING (terrific teachers & special ed teacher) — fourth was okay (but the strides we had made in third carried us through fourth) — and fifth has been terrific.
I think if you feel homeschooling is the best choice, go for it! You know your child the best. And hey, if it doesn’t work — that’s okay. It’s not like once you take him out of public he can never go back. In some states there are online schools that might be able to give you some direction as far as educational content.
March 27, 2017 at 5:50 pm #40358
This reply was originally posted by user adhdmomma in ADDitude’s now-retired community.
While homeschooling may be the right option for your family (https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/7042.html), you also still need to work on his behavior in other environments — when he’s an adult he will need these skills.
You don’t mention if his ADHD is treated or not. If not, treatment is really key and can make a huge difference (https://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1592.html). If he is getting treatment for his ADHD, I would talk with the prescribing doctor and make a change — current treatment obviously isn’t working well.
His behavior could also be avoidance due to school struggles. Depending on when he struggles, it may indicate a need to test for learning disabilities (if he always acts out during reading, for example, that could mean he’s avoiding it because it’s hard for him). https://www.additudemag.com/quiz/8/question-1.html
ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism
April 2, 2017 at 5:53 pm #40362
This reply was originally posted by user vpowell in ADDitude’s now-retired community.
Thanks everyone who responded. My child is treated for his ADHD with meds and therapy. If I do homeschool him, I wasn’t planning on doing it to 12th grade, as I see being in public schools as a good way for my child to learn to get along with other people (he is an only child). I have talked to the school several times, but I feel as if they are not listening to me as nothing ever changes.
April 2, 2017 at 5:59 pm #40365
This reply was originally posted by user Natalie K. in ADDitude’s now-retired community.
Best of everything to you in finding the right niche for your son. Homeschooling is a lot of work, but anything worthwhile is a lot of work. Give it a try. We homeschool and yes, it is not easy, but for us it is so rewarding. We reevaluate each year to make sure it still fits our goals.
May 5, 2017 at 10:05 am #47442
I am seriously thinking about home schooling my 12 yo son.
First I would like to apology if I make mistakes, English is not my main language.
My son has ADHD ODD and school since kindergarten is very difficult. I know his intelligent, at 3 yo when we were taking a walk he could tell you the name of car… Mom this is a Toyota Corolla……. he was speaking 3 languages, knowing alphabet in 2 languages he’s memory was fantastic. Everything started when he started school.
He slowly lost interest on everything, didn’t want learn things, misbehaving, rude…..
After a few months school asked me to see a doctor for that, he gave him Aderall, I cried so bad for weeks, I was feeling like a parent failure and still.
Aderall was helping but not his behavior, always in trouble. School made an IP which honestly did nothing. He had several test to see if he had some learning problem and everything was normal. but school decided he would be easier for him to have a laptop to read and do the job for him instead putting effort to teach him correctly. I was against that idea but what can I do I’m not at school.
I had to change him school in January 2017 for another English school because the previous hated my son, no friends and teachers likes him. I understand its not easy to be with a kids like my son.
I changed him school because in November 2016 he started to meet a private psychologist every 2 weeks. I have great improvement at home, I’m very proud of that, so after discussed with my husband we were agree that the school can’t do anything good for him, he needs a fresh start to apply what him and psy are working on. So he started a new school.
That school seemed at first awesome, program for kids with trouble…. I met them and they were supposed to have plans for him, after 5 months nothing is done yet. Now his bad behavior is taking control of him again.
Its 2-3 years I’m thinking of home schooling him, he cannot function well in a school environment, when its one by one everything is fine but school cannot pay a teacher to be his private teacher.
All I want its him growing well and becoming a nice man. I’m following the ADDitude since a month and I found so many awesome tips there.
I know home schooling will ask me a lot but I honestly think that would be the best for him + Psychologist and help.
I really feel like these kids are not welcome in a school environment well here in Quebec (Canada), there is not enough help for them. Thats how they make me feel here anyway.
Anyone got tips or informations.
Edit; My son keep saying he doesn’t have a life, he feel like he is not normal, other kids succeed and not him, he’s a failure……… He’s self esteem is really poor and he really not accept that he has ADHD, why me…. I’m not normal, I can’t learn like others…… Break my heart to hear all the time.
- This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by hispetite.
January 12, 2018 at 2:53 am #73368
Anyone out there an adult with ADD and homeschooling their ADD child? Am I crazy? I think if I medicate myself they”ll do fine without!
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