Sexless Marriage and Promises Not Kept

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    • #54250

      My husband and I have been together for over a decade, and married for almost as long. When we first got together, our life was passionate and cuddly and awesome. Less than six months in, all that turned off with a switch. Over the course of the last ten years, it’s only gotten worse and worse. We’ve talked, and he’s promised to try and then nothing changes. I even opened the marriage just to get my sexual needs filled, and then all of a sudden his switch for sex went back into hyperdrive (I assume b/c it was new and shiny). That didn’t go so well, so we were only open about 2 months.

      A few months ago, he asked if we should try opening our marriage up again since that seemed to have “worked” last time. Personally I think it is putting a bandaid on a bullet wound, and we are now seeing a sex therapist. I’ve been giving and giving and giving and only once has he leaned my way consistently. If it were up to him we would hardly ever have sex or even cuddle. Hoping this therapist can help us, but she really seemed to understand that I couldn’t do anything if hubby wasn’t willing to make a conscious effort to lean my way. That it wasn’t just going to fix itself.

      We know he has ADHD, and he’s been to many doctors to try and find medications that helped him get better, but nothing has helped. I’m tired, frustrated, and today’s counselling appointment makes me wonder is there ever a way to get an ADHD spouse to learn that part of having ADHD and a successful marriage is learning that you have to make reminders to show your partner they are a priority.

      For those of you that have been in the same situation, how have you coped. Other than this situation my husband is very supportive, we enjoy each other’s company, and things are great. This has just become such a road block for us that I’m left wondering can I live like this for the rest of my life. Please let me know how you cope.

    • #54298
      Penny Williams

      This is a pretty common problem in relationships with ADHD in the mix. Here’s some expert advice:

      How to Keep the Romance Alive

      “I Don’t Feel Loved Anymore”

      ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

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